Bernadette Azizi - Undying

James looked baffled, but somewhat pleased. He pulled me close.

“Let’s leave before the rain starts up again.”

James grabbed my wet clothes off the lounge, took my hand and led the way. I felt uneasy.

“The car is only a few minutes away, I will help you.”

I nodded as I held onto his arm for support, going down the few steps. We went down a little track behind the cottage. It was paved and well kept, we walked for about three or four minutes until we were at the beginning of the village. Sitting in James’s car was Dr Simons.

I wish he wasn’t here . Dr Simons being here meant I would have to let go of James’s hand. When we got closer, I loosened my hand, but he held on tighter. I looked up at him. “James, what are you doing? Dr Simons will see us!”

James didn’t seem to mind. He even had a defiant grin on his face. He must have lost his mind. I started to get nervous and agitated. Dr Simons was now just a few metres away.

“Catherine, what happened to your leg, are you alright?”

I looked at James. I didn’t know what to say or do anymore. James had thrown me right off. I looked at Dr Simons. He wasn’t even taken aback by James holding my hand.

“Um… I fell… But I’m OK, really.”

Dr Simons ignored my reassurance, instead looking to James for his opinion.

“I haven’t seen the wound; you will need to attend to it when we arrive at the college.”

“Of course, of course.”

James continued to hold my hand as we made our way into the car. I tried to get his attention to indicate my shock. He wasn’t worried about being caught. I still couldn’t get his attention, but Dr Simons’ smiled at me.

“Catherine, I am thrilled about you and Mr Barclay, just thrilled.”

My mouth dropped open. I was in complete shock.

“Catherine, I had no choice. Dr Simons seems to see you almost as much I do these days.”

Dr Simons started to laugh. I could see James trying to restrain himself from laughing too.

“What!” I rolled my eyes and tried to ignore them.

“Does Jules know?”

“No, no one else.”

“What does Dr Simons… actually know?”

“Just that I love you,” he said and kissed me on the lips, before closing the door.

Back at the college, I felt tired and just wanted to sleep. I couldn’t believe that it was only a little past 11 o’clock. I yawned as Dr Simons attended to my leg in his medical room.

“Where is Jules? Does she know about today at all?” I asked.

“No, fortunately for you. But, unfortunately for her, she is in her bed, unwell.”

“Oh, that’s right. I might go by and see her and then I might lie down myself.”

“That sounds like a marvelous idea. I know she would love to see you.”

I looked at James, who wasn’t saying much. I am sure that after seeing my leg in all its glory, there would be another lecture on the way. When Dr Simons finished, James and I made our way to our rooms. It was easier to walk but I did need some support from James to make the stairs. When we got to his door, he looked at me and smiled.

“Catherine, I will be waiting for you in my room.” He gently touched my cheek with his hand. I smiled back, and immediately went to my room, changed out of my jacket and went to Jules’s room.

The visit with Jules was nice. She is so gentle and honest, unlike me. I felt so bad about having to lie to her about what was going on. Now that Dr Simons knows, I fear she may be hurt when she finds out she has been kept in the dark. My visit was short and sweet, so she didn’t have an opportunity to ask too many questions about the fall and what happened afterwards. When I left I walked down the hall and knocked on James’s door. He didn’t open it immediately.

“Back so soon, how is Jules?” he asked.

“Still unwell. I feel awful. She’s blaming herself for everything.”

“She’s not the only one,” James said as he locked the door behind me.

I went and lay in the middle of James’s bed. I grabbed his pillow and held onto it, a habit of mine that always made James smile and shake his head. It smelt amazing. James followed me onto the bed and I laid my head on his chest.

“Never let me go…”

“I’m trying, but you are very hard to keep hold of,” James whispered. He started to gently pull back strands of hair from my face and shoulders.

I spent most the day lying down, napping like a cat. I left the room twice that day, once for lunch and the other for dinner. At dinnertime, I took food up to Jules’s room and sat with her to talk. I guess the guilt of the secret that was being kept from her was starting to weigh on my mind. Luckily for me, I had had lunch with Dr Simons and we were able to get our story straight about the morning’s events, which had come in handy because Jules had so many questions as to what, how and when the injury came about.

Dr Simons had been wonderful, making me feel like I could trust him with anything. He was always there to help me when I needed it. I was glad that I didn’t run into Mr Kemp. I knew that if he found out what happened today on my run, he would be angry with me. He would no doubt lecture me about not taking things seriously and being reckless.

After saying goodnight to Jules, I went straight to James’s room. He wasn’t there yet, which was strange. I contemplated going back to Jules’s room so I wouldn’t be alone, but I had already said goodnight and showing up again at Jules’s room would raise suspicions. So I decided to keep myself occupied by reading until James returned. The only problem was that I didn’t have any of my books in his room, and was feeling too lazy to go back and get one. I decided to search for one in James’s room. He had many books in his office and every week he would bring up two or three books to read and take books that he had read back to his office.

One particular book did catch my eye. It was a book that had always remained in James’s room: a collection of poems by Lord Byron.

Now there’s a romantic hero .

I got into bed and started flicking through the pages. There was one page bent in the corner. It intrigued me so I began to read…

When we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted,

To sever for years,

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,

Colder thy kiss;

Truly that hour foretold

Sorrow to this .

The dew of the morning

Sank chill on my brow

It felt like the warning

Of what I feel now.

Thy vows are all broken,

And light is thy fame:

I hear thy name spoken,

And share in its shame .

They name thee before me,

A knell to mine ear;

A shudder comes o’er me

Why wert thou so dear?

They know not I knew thee,

Who knew thee too well:

Long, long shall I rue thee

Too deeply to tell .

In secret we met,

In silence I grieve,

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive

If I should meet thee

After long years,

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears .

The poem was pure suffering at its finest. I could identify with Byron’s sorrow. In some way I felt I could be living his words.

Well let’s just hope we don’t have the same ending .

There was a knock at the door. I froze, not wanting to be heard. Then another knock.

“It’s me, Mr Kemp.”

I couldn’t decide if I should keep quiet to avoid seeing him or not. I decided to open the door, just in case it was important. As soon as I opened the door, Mr Kemp barged in and quickly closed it behind him. I think he was taking this secrecy a bit too seriously. The whole escapade has probably been the most excitement he has had in decades.