Bernadette Azizi - Undying

“I will not be making the same mistake twice, I promise you that!” James whispered.

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

James looked around slowly. His calm expression changed quickly when he noticed Richard looking our way.

“I believe all the boys have made their way in now, and you should also. I will see you later this evening,” he said, taking a step back and making room for me to get past. I slowly looked away from him. Tearing my eyes from his wasn’t easy. My patience was wearing thin, not knowing what I should do.

The day seemed to drag on longer than usual. James was nowhere to be found and neither was the sun. The rain was relentless. Tired and cold, I made my way to the common room in search of Jules. I needed someone to talk to, even though I couldn’t talk to her specifically about what was going on, I felt relaxed and distracted in her company. When I spotted her I made my way to her quickly. She noticed me instantly. Her eyes widened and she waved her arm around for me to notice her, like she required extra assistance to stand out among all these old men.

“Catherine! There you are. You are a hard person to find.”

“So I have been told,” I replied and sat down beside her. “How has your day been?” I enquiry.

“My day? Hmmm… Let me think… Boring compared to yours, from what I hear. I knew you were keeping a secret from me. But I must confess I did not expect it to be this!” Jules cheerfully announced.

“What?”

“Now Catherine, there is no need to deny anything. I would be the first to say I know how hard it is to hide feelings for someone you love. But it’s me! You could have told me anything. I would have kept your secret.”

I was completely taken aback, and she could see it. My mouth was open and nothing was coming out.

“How long has it been going on for?” she asked excitedly.

“Jules, I am so sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“Ah! I am so happy for you both. I knew from the start that you too would make a wonderful couple.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Upset? Why would I be?”

“Keeping it from you, the sneaking around? You don’t think it’s unethical?”

“Unethical? My dear, you’re dating a student’s father not a student! Mr Cartwright is a very lucky man.”

A look of shock appeared on my face.

“Catherine, are you alright? You look a little pale.”

“Um, uh…”

What am I supposed to say now?

“Jules… you won’t tell anyone will you?” I weakly asked.

“Well, I have to be honest with you. There aren’t many people left that don’t know. Most of the teachers are aware. And the mothers. Oh, you should have heard their tongues wagging in envy this morning. That’s how I found out.”

“This is awful. I could just die,” I cried.

“Catherine, what’s this all about? You are not committing a crime. You have fallen in love with a wonderful, charming man. That is perfectly natural. My sympathy now lies with Mr Barclay.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well now that Mr Cartwright is off limits, those women are not going to leave Mr Barclay alone!”

I smiled against my will. I was dumbfounded. Minutes ago I thought I was doing it tough. What I wouldn’t give to go back to minutes ago.

“I have to go,” I said, getting up abruptly.

“Oh, alright. Talk soon…” Jules yelled from across the room.

I had to find James to let him know what was going on, before anyone else did.

I went to his office and then his room, but he wasn’t there.

Where could he be?

I sat on his bed for a minute, until there was a knock on the door.

“It’s Mr Kemp! Open the door please.”

Against my better judgement I opened the door.

“Cathy? What are you doing here?” Mr Kemp said. I could feel the hatred in his voice instantly.

“Mr Kemp, now is not a good time. If you don’t mind, I have to find James,” but he ignored me, coming into James’s room and closing the door behind him.

“Mr Barclay is not on the school grounds, he had to leave,” he said while he looked around the room, avoiding eye contact with me.

“You told him, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t have to, everyone is talking about it. Mr Barclay is a great man, a man who I highly respect and will protect.”

“I’m sorry — I just don’t get you. You’re here now helping us, but I know you hate me. You say you care about us and are protective of James and you know that he loves me, yet you are constantly advising him against being with me. Why?” I asked interested.

Mr Kemp stopped pacing the room and came towards me, “I don’t hate you and I do want to see Mr Barclay happy, but both of you being safe is of greater importance!

“How are you even involved? I know there’s something between James and I that is incredible, but what about you? Why does James turn to you for advice, how are you a part of all of this?”

“You’re just not trying hard enough!”

“That’s not my fault, nothing makes sense! I think about what’s happened and why, but I always hit a wall; I don’t know what I am suppose to know or remember. I’m scared; there is nothing I want more than to put an end to this all, and to be with James. Please… help me figure it out.”

“I can’t — it’s not how it works. I don’t make the rules!”

“What rules? Who makes the rules?”

I grabbed his arm, something I could have never imagined myself doing.

“Please, please I’m begging you… Help me. I’m losing everything. I love him with all my heart and I’m being punished for that. Please, give me one more chance. If things aren’t clearer to me… I will back away, but help me”

Mr Kemp walked away, shaking his head, troubled by my questions.

“It’s just the way it is,” he said. “James should have never let you come, I warned him. I knew it would end badly. I prayed that you would be oblivious to it all, which you are, but I didn’t count on you falling for him so strongly and being so obstinate.”

“Mr Kemp… are you saying that you and James knew that all of this was going to happen before I came?”

“No, not all of it, especially not your dangerous encounters. Mr Barclay would never have put you in harm’s way, but he was so desperate to have you. He went against my advice and look where we are.”

“Help me! I beg you. Please, help me. Is there anything, anything that you can think of, that can help me figure this out?”

He didn’t answer me, instead walking towards the window and staring out for a moment, which seemed promising. If I have learnt anything about Mr Kemp, it’s that he speaks his mind and can’t be moved. The fact he hadn’t said no must mean there is something he could tell me, but he isn’t sure if he should.

He turned back, going to James’s desk, and writing something on a piece of paper.

“Grab your coat, I want to take you somewhere,” he ordered, shaking his head, mumbling to himself.

I jumped off the bed, grabbed a coat before he could change his mind and we left the room.

Mr Kemp’s car was a very old run-down black Bentley; it was dirty and looked like it hadn’t been driven since the 1920s. I tried to keep a straight face, as he adjusted his seat, seat belt, mirrors and everything else. Finally we were off. He drove unexpectedly fast, which reminded me of Richard driving slowly so the journey would last longer. Mr Kemp, I guess must be trying to reduce our time together.

I didn’t talk while he was driving; he seemed nervous and easily distracted. I wondered where we could be going. For all I knew, he could be taking me to the airport. But I had no choice, I felt as if I was losing James and I needed to take whatever help I could get, even if it was from Mr Kemp.