Bernadette Azizi - Undying

“I can’t believe it happened at all. I know you and Mr Kemp are holding back something from me. But I trust you. I just hope I don’t let you down.”

“Everything will be fine. Just try and resist kissing anyone else but me. I can get very jealous.”

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months and there were no more ‘strange encounters’. I couldn’t have been happier. Despite the supervised walks, day trips to the village and Mr Kemp’s constant daily check in, everything seemed to be normal. My students were responding positively to my teaching. I had gained the respect of all the teachers. It took weeks for Jules to stop being suspicious about Mr Kemp’s sudden acceptance of me and this was only helped by the fact that she and Dr Simons had become a little more than friends. They were now spending most of their spare time together, which I thought was wonderful, but Jules and I still had our Sunday morning runs together. I ensured we would meet every Sunday morning at the fountain on the front lawns at 7 o’clock, so she would not see me leave James’s room. In the evenings, our self-control was put to the test, stretched repeatedly and almost shattered. James would spend most nights reading and trying to resist me, and I would spend most nights frustrated.

On a Saturday night, when all the students had left for spring break and more than half the teachers had also cleared out, I decided I would wear something for bed that would be too hard to resist. Most of my clothes were in James’s room now, but not what I had planned to wear to bed this evening. I’d had enough. My will power was not as good as his. I pulled out a black negligee that I had bought from the village while Jules was busy in another shop. I waited for 15 minutes, then left for James’s room. No one was in the corridor, so I opened James’s door. James had just walked out of the shower and had only a towel around him. My face felt flushed and my heart started to thump. I smiled innocently.

“Hi, sorry should I come back later?”

“No, of course not, it’s absolutely fine.” He came close to me and we kissed. Our bodies touched and it was perfect. He had a second towel around his neck drying his hair while he opened his drawer to take out some clothes to change into.

“I might have my shower now; I can’t wait to relax this evening.”

“I will get you a towel,” James responded, obligingly leaving his clothes drawer and opening another. He pulled out two fresh towels and handed them to me. I smiled. I went into the bathroom with my paper bag, and closed the door behind me. I couldn’t contain my laughter. Normally I would have my shower in my room and then come into his room already changed. But tonight was going to be different.

Nothing out of the ordinary had happened for over two months now and I fear that any day soon Mr Kemp would give the ‘all clear’ and I would have to go back to my room. My shower was quick. I didn’t need to wash my hair and I slipped on my lingerie.

Great purchase, Catherine!

I shook my hair around and went over my plan of action in my head. I nodded to myself and then opened the door. James was sitting on his bed, legs stretched out and reading as per usual. I walked right past him, made no eye contact, and went straight to his desk. I slowly took off my watch and earrings, the entire time hoping he was watching me. I turned around, and there he was, stunned and speechless.

Mission accomplished!

“Catherine,” he choked out my name.

“Yes,” I replied seductively.

“You look… Please don’t do this to me!”

“Do what?” I said naively as I turned on the side lamp and turned off the main lights.

“Catherine…” he said again, with a smirk on his face and laughter in his voice.

“What are you reading tonight?” I asked.

“You…” He didn’t finish his sentence. He just looked at me, shaking his head slowly from side to side. I got into bed and sat close beside him.

“James, nothing has happened in a long while now. Can’t we just put it all behind us? I don’t want you to resist me anymore.” I pulled my hair to the side, kissed him on his cheek and whispered into his ear that I needed him to love me. Slowly I placed my hands on his shoulders and chest and kissed him. James then placed his hands on my back, pulled my body close to his and took total control. I felt intoxicated as he started kissing my neck. He then pulled away.

“Catherine, we should stop.”

“No!”

“Catherine!”

“Why?”

“We need to stop, this is far from over. You’re killing me,” he said, as he looked me up and down, got off the bed and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?

“For a walk… I’m sorry.”

I sat on the bed, feeling annoyed and a bit guilty. I know he wants me as much as I want him, I just thought I would try my luck .

Shortly after James left, there was a knock at the door. I got out of bed and ran to the door, convinced that James had come to his senses.

“Oh, it’s you.” There was disappointment in my voice.

Mr Kemp stood there in his flannelette pyjamas, brown, of course. He looked irritated. He was cleaning his glasses and hadn’t yet acknowledged that I had answered the door. He walked straight into James’s room, ranting and raving, something about Mr Barclay needing to go for a walk at this hour. When he finally put his glasses on, he looked at me and paused for a while.

“Ah… I see. Are you trying to kill him?” Mr Kemp said, laughing as he sat on the desk chair, fiddling through James’s books. I put on the robe and sat on the end of the bed.

“Cathy, have anymore strange occurrences happened since… that day in Mr Barclay’s office?”

Here we go .

“No, not really.” I replied frustrated.

“You don’t seem very sure about your answer!”

“It’s… little things.”

“Can you tell me what they are?” he asked, with a soft voice. He turned his chair around to face me, obviously pleased that I had covered myself a bit more.

“Well… I feel like I am having déjà vu episodes nearly every day… It could be something as small as brushing my hair, or even whole sentences that I say to James.”

“Anyone else? I mean other than Mr Barclay? Do you have these déjà vu feelings with anyone else?”

“No, just James. Maybe because we have been spending more time with each other and, to be honest, when we aren’t together I can’t stop thinking about him.”

“And do you have any thoughts about this?”

“No, not sensible ones.”

“You know, we really haven’t spoken about that day in Mr Barclay’s office, but I cannot understand how you did not notice the difference between James and… well, you know.”

“Our ghost Mr Kemp? I think about that every day and it makes me feel ill in my stomach. But, to be honest, there wasn’t much distinction for me to even consider that it wasn’t James in the room with me. Honestly.” I paused and sighed. “What do you think, Mr Kemp?”

“Oh, it does not matter what I think.”

“But it does. I know you and James know a lot more than you’re letting on, and it irritates me! You’re expecting me to figure it out all on my own and there is a chance I may never figure it out. What then?”

“In a year’s time, you will be back in Australia and all this will be a distant memory.”

Distant memory!

I was about to abuse Mr Kemp for even mentioning my return to Australia and leaving James, when I heard footsteps at the door. James opened the door and Mr Kemp immediately stood up, said goodnight and left. James was still in the doorway when Mr Kemp passed him. They exchanged glances and James came into the room, locking the door behind him. He placed his keys on the desk and walked without delay towards me.