Pedro Lenz - Naw Much of a Talker

Who’s this Hector guy?

The guy at the address ah gave ye. He looks eftir the hoose. Look, there, ah wrote it doon fur ye.

Ah know. Whit kinda guy is he but?

He’s cool. Ye’ll see fur yirsel. He lives next door, practically, in whit used tae be the chapel hoose. Say hi fae me.

When ah got hame, Regula wis awready there. Ahd pit a key unner the plant fur her.

She looked a bit better than the evenin before, still naw ideal but. Above aw: she’d cooked summit nice. Even fae a distance it smelt guid.

Ye dont hiv tae cook fur me!

Ah wantit tae. It distracted me a bit.

Wur gaun tae Spain themorra, Regi!

Who?

Jist us. Jist you an’ me!

Me? How me? Ur ye mad? Ahv nae mair holidays tae take.

Wur naw goin oan holiday. It’s an educational trip wur gaun oan. Tell Pesche it’s personal development. The course lasts a fortnight. Or get the doctor tae write ye a line. It’s naw as if yir short ae reasons.

It took a while — in the end ah persuaded her but. Sometimes it’s handy tae hiv the gift ae the gab a bit. Ah called Dr Wydenmeyer.

Whit’s it aboot, the receptionist wantit tae know.

It’s a very delicate matter. If at aw possible, ah shid only discuss it wi the doctor.

Wait a moment, please. Ah’ll see if he’s free tae come tae the phone.

Ah’ll wait, thanks, yeah.

He tellt her tae come an’ see him first thing the next mornin. An’ when he seen her, he said she shoulda come straight tae him. Right away, when Buddy battered her. He wrote her a line fur an unlimited period an’ they made an appointment fur eftir the trip.

As ahm aye sayin: if yiv a doctor like Dr Wydenmeyer, yiv summit solid tae build oan. Wydenmeyer’s someone who his a feel fur people. Who knows who needs whit an’ when. In addition tae that — an’ that’s naw tae be sneezed at eether — Dr Wydenmeyer’s oan the side ae they folk who hivnae got it easy. Whit mair kin ye ask fur in a doctor?

That eftirnoon, we took the train tae Paris, via Berne an’ Neuchâtel. Ah hidnae been able tae get haud ae a car. It didnae matter but. It wisnae as faur as ah thought. We’d tae get fae wan station in Paris tae anither yin, then in — Gare Austerlitz, it wis cawed — we took the night train that goes tae Hendaye via Bordeaux. An amazin journey. Above aw, if Regula is wi ye an’ yiv enough rid wine.

The next mornin, we crossed the border oan fit. Ah know the area. Hendaye an’ Irún hiv grown tae become wan place, practically. Ye kid take a kinda tram an’ aw. Ah preferred tae walk but.

So we foot it across an’ in Irún go tae where the intercity buses set aff fae. Afore we leave, we hiv an aniseed brandy oan the rocks an’ some guid ham. Then it’s aboot five oors oan the bus, then the ferry, fae the toon o’er tae the village.

Wee Stofer’s hoose is pretty high up oan a hill. Course, it’s in a village. It’s jist at the very top but. Fortunately, we hidnae a loatae luggage, cos itherwise, itherwise we’d’ve been flaggin oan the way up, Regi wi aw her worries, an’ me wi aw ma muscles (not).

That it’s so faur up isnae whit sets the hoose inherited by wee Stofer apart the maist. Whit sets it apart is above aw the wee ferry ye take tae get tae the village. Ye kin, in fact, drive a car up tae it. Ye hiv tae hiv wan first but — a car ah mean. Fae the toon, ye see, the bus takes ye tae, ye kin see Stofer’s village oan the ither side ae the bay. If ye want tae go there but, ye kin eether dae a massive detour by road or take the direct route across the water. Course, we preferred the sea option.

It’s ferryboats wi naw much ae a hull we’re talkin aboot. They’d be constantly runnin ashore itherwise. Oan sandbars. Even wi naw much ae a hull but, yiv nae guarantee ye wont run ashore suddenly an’ be stuck fur an oor, waitin fur high tide.

That’s how the ferrymen need tae know the route like the back ae their hauns. Sometimes, it’s centimetres that ur at stake. That’s whit wan ae them tellt me anyhow. Aboot sixty, he wis, an’ he immediately started tae chat oan the ferry. His German wis really guid. Turned oot, he’d worked in Germany furra lang time. Near Karlsruhe, in a carpentry shop. A really nice guy, honestly.

When we tellt him we wur fae Switzerland an’ wur goney spend a few weeks in anither Swiss guy’s hoose, he said he knew the hoose we meant. It hid belonged tae a German, he’d lost his life naw that long ago but. He didnae know the guy who’d then bought it.

Naw, ah said, naw. The previous owner, faur as ah know, wisnae German but wee Stofer’s uncle. An’ wee Stofer didnae buy it. He inherited it fae that uncle.

Valentin — that wis the name ae oor new friend — jist gestured summit. It wis his way, nae doot, ae tellin us those wur unimportant details jist. He then said he didnae want tae know the details anyhow. Ah dae but, ah said, ahd like tae. Ah like details, even as a schoolboy ah drove the teachers mad cos ah wis aye harpin oan aboot the details ae a story. An’ that’s how ah wis sae keen tae hear whit kinda guy hid owned this hoose.

Valentin got a bit mair seriouser an’ said it wis a lang story. An’ anyhoo: we’d only jist arrived. Regula got aff the ferry, Valentin showed us the way up, then we said cheerio an’ thanks an’ above aw: invited him tae visit us. He shid drap by some time, come fur his tea, soon as we’d settled in a bit. Thanks, he said, he wid, definately

Ah said tae Regula an’ aw: ah kinda liked this guy. Ah didnae know why masel, ahd taken tae the guy but.

An’ then, like ah said, we went up the steep path.

Dammit, Goalie, Regula went, noo ivry time we’re doon in the village, we’re goney hiv tae climb back up tae go tae bed.

Dont fret, Regi. It’s only the first time it’ll seem faur an’ steep. It’s only cos wur aw o’er the shop an’ hiv the bags, above aw. Themorra or the day eftir, ye’ll naw even notice this wee hill. That’s the nicest thing aboot tryin tae encourage someone. Try tae encourage someone an’ ye automatically encourage yirsel at the same time.

The hoose wisnae as cauld as we feared. It hid they wee propane radiant heaters in aw the rooms, an’ if ye let the radiators radiate a bit, the place heats up fast. In addition tae that, the Hector guy who looks eftir the hoose hid done a perfect joab ae airin the place an’ pit oot clean bed-linen fur us. Ah tellt him wee Stofer said hello an’ stressed a few times we hid ivrythin we needed an’ of course, it wis aw the way it shid be an’ manymanythanks again an’ naw, we didnae need anythin else. We wur glad when he finally left us. Alane.

A guid hoose, way too big fur the two ae us, naw that ah wis givin a monkey’s fuck aboot that. It his three flairs. Doonstairs, the kitchen an’ livin room, wi access tae the garden, plus a bathroom an’ two bedrooms. Upstairs, anither four bedrooms an’ anither bathroom an’ a large terrace. Right at the top: smaller rooms fur the staff. Naw bad, ah like even jist the idea ae that, ah tellt Regula: servants quarters.

Eftir that, ah let her choose a room. She lay doon furra bit, wis still a bit tired eftir the journey an’ that. That wis fine by me. Cos, when ahm new in a strange place, ah like tae find ma bearins masel first. So ah wis like that tae her: you go ahead an’ grab some kip an’ ah’ll go doon tae the village fur an oor or two an’ get us summit nice tae eat.

The village widda taken ten minutes tae go roon, specially in winter when ivry shop, nearly, an’ ivry guesthoose is closed. Ah found a nice bar nivvertheless but an’ when Regi comes in the door, ah look at ma watch an’ realise ahv awready spent four oors in here fur sure, that it’s dork ootside awready, an’ ahm pissed awready fae this aniseed brandy that goes doon like oil an’ definitely hits the spot, only but when yir naw expectin it any mair, sorta.