Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Sex For Dummies

Because the skin of the glans of a circumcised male grows tougher and less sensitive than that of an uncircumcised male, people often wonder whether circumcision affects sexual performance.

Some men who aren’t circumcised erroneously believe that, because their skin is more sensitive, they are more likely to have premature ejaculation. I’ve even been asked by adult men if they should be circumcised to cure them of this problem. (Because premature ejaculation is a learned behavior that you can overcome — see Chapter 22— I don’t recommend having this surgery performed later in life.)

I also am asked by men who have been circumcised if a way exists to replace their foreskin. These men feel that, because the skin of the glans has been toughened, they are missing out on certain pleasures. I tell them that, as long as they are having orgasms, this isn’t something that they should worry about. If they are not, this is probably caused by some other issue, not their foreskins.

Of course, when considering the penis, what concerns a great many men the most is the size of their sexual organ; they focus on the length and width of the shaft , the main portion of the penis. They think that bigger is better.

Because men are more likely to get turned on by what they see, physical appearance is very important to them. That’s why men are so concerned about penis size — just as some are concerned about the size of women’s breasts. To men, the more there is of a body part that attracts them, the better. (Sadly, thighs, which all women seem able to enlarge with ease, no longer fall into this category. Where is Rubens, who painted such magnificent, voluptuous nude women, when we need him?) And, of course, seeing the male stars of porno videos doesn’t help either because these men aren’t picked for their ability to act, but rather to inflate.

Now, if men asked women how they feel about penis size, they’d get another story. Some women are actually frightened by very big penises, and many women just don’t attach very much importance to the issue. But these men who are all hung up about the size of their penises can’t seem to get that straight — and, convincing them otherwise is a difficult job.

You can measure a penis in several different ways, and a man usually chooses the method that makes his penis seem the biggest. Although the basic penis measurements are length and circumference, the mood of your penis at the moment you pull out that tape measure is a key factor.

Even if two flaccid penises look about the same size, they may be very different in size when they become erect. (And a man may have different-sized erections depending on how aroused he is.) In the locker room, the man with the biggest flaccid penis feels the most cocky; but the real proving ground is in the bedroom.

One of the reasons that a man may think his penis is too small is the way he looks at it. (And no, I’m not going to suggest that he put on rose-colored glasses.) Most of the time, he looks down at his penis, and when he does, his eyes play a trick on him called foreshortening , which makes his penis looks smaller than it appears to someone else looking at it. To see his penis the way his partner does, all he has to do is stand in front of a full-length mirror and take in that view — I think he’ll be surprised. If he takes a look both before and after he has an erection, I’m sure his ego will get a nice boost.

Although you can’t deny that men have different-sized penises, does the size of the penis make any difference where it really counts — inside the woman’s vagina? In most cases, the answer is a very big no.

The vagina is elastic; it has to be to allow babies to be born vaginally. So a woman’s vagina can accommodate a big or a small penis. Because most of a woman’s nerve endings are concentrated at the entrance to the vagina, the sensations that a bigger penis may cause aren’t all that different to her from those caused by a smaller penis.

Obviously, if a man has a minuscule penis, a woman may not feel it very much, which is a slight problem. But, as Chapter 12explains, most women need direct clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm. Because no penis can do that trick while performing intercourse, the issue of size becomes even less important.

Men ask me all the time if some way exists to make their penises bigger. I know of only one way to do this, and I’m passing it on only because it actually also promotes good health. Although most of the penis is visible, part of the penis is buried beneath the skin and is called the crus. If a man has a lot of fat in his pubic area, then more of the length of the penis is buried beneath the skin. With weight loss, a man can reverse this trend so a greater portion of the penis becomes exposed; thus, his penis can “grow.” The approximation doctors use is one inch of penis length gained for every 30 pounds of excess weight lost. (Sorry, all you skinny guys, but losing extra weight won’t help you.)

Some surgical techniques can enlarge a man’s penis. One technique can make most of it, except for the head, fatter, which leaves the head looking disproportionate. The other technique makes the penis longer, but requires the doctors to cut certain ligaments so the penis doesn’t point as high as before, which can cause the man to lose sensitivity. These side effects, as well as other risks, greatly reduce the value of these procedures, which is why very few surgeons perform them. In my estimation, the risks make such surgery not even worth considering. If you are intent on learning more of the gory details, however, make an appointment with a urologist.

The proportion of crus (penis under the skin) to exposed penis can cause variations in the direction that a penis points during an erection. Men with a shorter crus, and thus a longer penis, are more likely to have an erection that points downward, while an erect penis that has a longer crus will probably point outward, or even straight up.

Occasionally, a man tells me that he is concerned because his penis points in a certain direction when it is erect. As you can see from Frank’s situation in the following case study, this phenomenon isn’t unusual. Some men have a more pronounced curve than others, and sometimes the penis also bends to the left or to the right.

Frank

When Frank came to see me, we spent half an hour talking without broaching the real reason for his visit. He admitted that he didn’t go out with women, but he blamed that on all sorts of things that didn’t make sense to me. I could feel that more was bothering him than he was letting on, and I told him straight out that I thought he wasn’t being truthful with me. That’s when he told me that he was afraid of dating women because, if he got close enough to them to have sex, they would notice that his penis was misshapen.

Because I’m not a medical doctor, I don’t examine patients, but I did ask him to describe for me what his penis looked like. He said that, when he had an erection, instead of sticking straight out, as did the erect penises he’d seen in some porn videos, his penis had a very large curve in it. To me, his description seemed to be within the bounds of normalcy, but I sent him to a urologist to make sure.

When I next saw him, he was a new man. The urologist had confirmed what I had thought, and knowing that he wasn’t going to be made fun of gave him the confidence to start dating. The next time I heard from Frank, about a year later, he called to tell me that he was engaged.