Reif Larsen - I Am Radar

“Do you know what we’re carrying right now on this ship?” the captain asked Radar one evening.

“Not really,” said Radar, gingerly sipping at his maté. As usual, Otik and Lars had already bidden their farewells, and he found himself wishing they were there to deflect the attention or at least make a pass at one of the captain’s riddles.

“Well, good. No one does. At least no one can speak with absolute certainty. I myself have not opened any of the containers, so I can only tell you what the system tells me, and the system speaks only in terms of possibility. A container does not contain something — it ‘is said to contain something’. The same can be said of a good book.” He picked up a piece of paper. “ TPMU 839201 3, said to contain 6,800 pounds of frozen chicken; RITU 559232 0, said to contain 14,000 pounds of frozen fish; CSQU 938272 8, said to contain 3,400 pounds of hypodermic needles, pharmaceuticals, and other medical equipment. . said to contain 6,000 women’s long-sleeve shirts. . said to contain 550 youth bicycles. . said to contain 55,000 pounds of aircraft engines. . said to contain 20,000 pounds of computer equipment. . said to contain 8,000 pounds of unbalanced polymer. . said to contain 4,000 pounds of gems, precious metals, and coins. . said to contain 15,000 pounds of barley . That’s a lot of barley.”

“It is a lot of barley.”

“ If the barley exists. But even if the barley does not exist, it doesn’t matter. Soon the world will not contain anything definitive anymore; it will only be said to contain things. We will exist in a system of total possibility. It is what I call un desdibujamiento. It’s a wonderful word, isn’t it? Un desdibujamiento. It means ‘the blurring of the local.’ The lines between here and there have begun to blur, and it is all because of the question of the box.” The captain leaned back. “But I can see I’m scaring you. You mustn’t let me get started on one of my little rants. Anyone will tell you this.”

“Desdibujamiento,” repeated Radar.

The captain nodded. “Like caressing a woman,” he said.

Radar wasn’t an expert in caressing women, so he said nothing. They sat in silence. The roll of the ship was causing an imperceptible shift in all the documents around the room. Radar could feel the papers shift back and forth on the desk ever so slightly.

“So tell me,” the captain said. “What are you boys going to do in the Congo? Lars wouldn’t give me a straight answer.”

Radar stiffened in his chair. “I don’t really think I can tell you.”

“I’m not in the habit of asking people their business, but you look like a man who can be trusted.”

“I’m sorry. I would have to ask Lars before—”

“Is it diamonds? Ivory? Ah—” He wagged a finger. “I know. Don’t tell me. It’s coltan. That’s what they’re taking out of there now. Blood coltan, they call it. For making mobile phones. That’s why they have you— el hechicero de la electrónica ! It all makes sense now. I’ve seen people do exactly what you’re doing before.”

“We aren’t dealing in those things,” said Radar. “We’re performers.” He caught his breath, but it was too late.

“Performers?” the captain said, raising a gargantuan eyebrow.

“I’m sorry.” Radar lifted his hands. “I can’t say any more.”

“ Well . My little troupe of performers. What are you performing, then?”

“You can’t tell them I told you.”

“Go on. Taming of the Shrew? Parsifal? Waiting for Godot? ”

“I don’t fully know, if I’m being quite honest. It involves puppets.”

“Puppets? Ave María!”

Radar lifted his hands into a pleading prayer. “I’m sorry, I’ve said too much.”

“And where are you performing with this puppet show?”

“Can you please not say anything to Lars or Otik? I don’t think they’re big fans of me at the moment, and they certainly won’t be if they find out I told you anything.”

“I like you, Mr. Radmanovic. What did you say you were? American? You don’t seem like an American to me. You’re too good at listening.”

“I don’t really know what I am.”

“If I may — a word of advice. You’ve got to be careful where you’re going. The system still has its boundaries. And once you get to these boundaries, things begin to get a little hairy. Un poco peligroso. In the Congo, the box is said to contain x, but the box will not contain x. The box will contain nothing. Or something else entirely. It will drive a man insane.”

“I think that’s why we’re going there. To perform where the system has broken down.”

The captain lifted his arms. “ Performers! To think, this whole time and I had no idea. Well, I love it. The Aleph has never had its own performers, have you, my little darling?” He reached out and tenderly stroked the wall of the cabin.

Suddenly the captain jumped up from his seat.

“Come,” he said. “There’s something I’d like to show you.”

They took three flights of stairs down to the main deck and then out a doorway and into the chilly night. Radar looked up. The stars enveloped them like a casket. He followed Daneri as he wandered through the maze of containers, the captain tapping their sides with his hand as if they were a herd of animals. They wove their way toward the bow and then turned and passed through a doorway that Radar had never seen before. They went down a small flight of stairs to a tween deck below the main deck, where they followed several more narrow corridors before slipping through another doorway and down two more flights of stairs. Radar had long since lost his bearings. If he were not with the captain, he would never be able to get back again. He was not even sure they were on the same ship anymore.

The captain abruptly stopped.

“Here,” he said, pointing to a crimson container illuminated only by a dim sea light on the far wall.

“What is it?”

“Open it.”

“Am I allowed to?”

“This one doesn’t belong to them.”

Radar was afraid the box would be either locked or horrendously complicated to open, but he pulled a lever and heard a satisfying click, and the door swung open easily. A familiar smell. A smell of home. He peered into the darkness, half expecting to see his mother, his father, to see everything the way it was before. He squinted. At first he could not understand what he was looking at, but then he saw them. Books. Endless stacks of books. Thousands of them.

“I deliver one of these every time I do the West African route.”

“Who does it go to?”

“He’s a remarkable man. He has a library in the middle of the jungle. It is said to contain every book in the world. Of course, this is impossible. But it’s a noble pursuit. And I’m glad to play my part.”

Radar stared at the books, lying, waiting like corpses. The captain swung the door shut.

“Or maybe it’s just a glitch,” he said. “Maybe the library does not exist. But the system demands it, and I must deliver what the system demands.”

On the evening of the sixth day, the seas began to swell. An electricity spread through the normally stoic crew. The men chatted nervously in the galley and then dumped their trays and left early to take care of their evening rounds. Hatches needed to be battened, stacking braces secured.

At the officers’ table, Radar sensed a palpable air of anticipation.

“We’re in for something nasty,” Ivan confirmed over his goulash.

“Is this normal for this time of year?” Lars asked politely.