Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Sex For Dummies

Now, let me say something about my philosophy at this point.

I am old-fashioned and a square.

I believe in God, I believe in marriage, and I believe in morality.

But, because I can’t dictate to you how you should live your life,

I believe that I must give you the tools with which to conduct yourself as safely as possible.

That’s why I believe in giving you information so that, even if you do have premarital sex or even extra-marital sex, at least you have a better chance of not causing unintended pregnancies and not catching a sexually transmitted disease.

Do I encourage people to develop a relationship before they engage in sex with another person? Absolutely. And I’ll say it again and again throughout this book.

But even if you’re having a one-night stand, I still want you to wake up the next morning healthy and safe. And I look at this book as an important tool in reaching you and others of all ages to help you discover more useful information on this important subject.

I’ve written this book so that you can 1) find information easily and 2) easily understand what you find. And although I’d like to believe that you want to pore over every last word between the two yellow and black covers, I actually make it easy for you to identify “skippable” material by presenting it in sidebars (or the shaded boxes that appear here and there). This information is the stuff that, although interesting and related to the topic at hand, isn’t necessary reading.

Also, some of what I write is addressed to a particular sex. But it’s not a bad idea to know what’s going on inside the head and body of someone else. So although you may not have to read what’s addressed to the opposite sex, you still may want to.

I also include material for gays and lesbians. Straight readers may or may not want to skip those parts, but gays and lesbians shouldn’t ignore most of this book’s contents because much of the information doesn’t depend on the sexual orientation of your partner. Of course, if you are in a same-sex relationship or if you and your partner are senior citizens, you don’t have to worry about causing an unintended pregnancy, so you can safely can skip that material.

To help you navigate through this book, I’ve set up a few conventions:

I use Italics for emphasis and to highlight new words or terms that are defined.

Boldfaced text is used to indicate the action part of numbered steps.

Monofont is used for Web addresses.

Some Web addresses may have needed to break across two lines of text. If that happened, rest assured that I haven’t put in any extra characters (such as hyphens) to indicate the break. So, when using one of these Web addresses, just type in exactly what you see in this book, pretending as though the line break doesn’t exist.

One assumption I can make is that if you’re capable of reading this book, you’re a sexual being. Some other assumptions I’ve made include

You want to improve your sex life. I’m not assuming your sex life is bad, just that you’d like to make it better.

You don’t come from Victorian England when mothers would instruct their about-to-be-wed daughters to just “lie back and think of England.”

You’re reasonable enough not to engage in risky behavior after the dangers have been pointed out to you.

If you’re a newbie, whether a teen or just inexperienced, you’re eager to learn the facts of life and avoid the pitfalls of the myths.

And if you’re a parent, who either wants to give this book to your child or just have it nearby for reference when talking to him or her, you know how important this information is, but you also know that in the end, your child is responsible for his or her sex life.

Important information is highlighted with little pictures, called icons, lurking in the margins. Here’s what the ones used in this book signify:

This icon alerts you to useful tidbits of information, including tips to enhance sexual pleasure.

This icon points to practical advice and my personal thoughts on today’s sexual dilemmas.

You’ll see this icon next to medical descriptions of your anatomy or physical conditions.

This icon highlights some of the things you may think you know about sex that are false or misleading.

This icon signals behaviors that could cause trouble, either for you or someone else, and tells you when to look before you leap to stay clear of pitfalls to your relationships.

This book is full of helpful and essential information, but you can find even more online! Just go to www.dummies.com and search for “Sex For Dummies Cheat Sheet” to find tips on foreplay and adding more variety to your sex life, as well as six common myths about sex.

Whether you consider yourself a Don Juan, a Lady Chatterly, or a sexual novice, the first piece of advice I have for you is that everybody can become a better lover given the proper instruction. And because we’re all sexual beings, whether we like it or not, why not get the most out of the pleasures our bodies are capable of giving us?

This book is organized so you can go wherever you want to find complete information. Want to know about genital warts, for example? Head to Chapter 21. If you’re interested in oral sex, go to Chapter 15for that. You can use the table of contents to find broad categories of information or the index to look up more specific things.

If you’re not sure where you want to go, you may want to start with Part I. It gives you all the basic info you need to understand sex and points to places where you can find more detailed information.

Wherever you begin, relax and read on. I guarantee that, by the end of this book, you can take the dunce cap that you may be wearing off your head and perhaps replace it with a condom somewhere else!

Part 1

IN THIS PART …

Find out all about how babies are created and the enjoyment that process brings with it.

Gain a better understanding of the male organ.

Take a tour of the female genitalia and discover the changes it undergoes as a woman ages.

Social media has had a strong effect on dating, and it’s vital to learn how to date in the brave new world to avoid the growing epidemic of loneliness.

Gone are the days when a couple waited until the wedding night to have sex, but that means the phrase “timing is everything” has become more relevant than ever.

Develop an understanding of the important role commitment plays in a romantic relationship.

Having sex can bring a lot of enjoyment, but it also carries risks that you need to learn how to avoid.

Being a teenager always means going through changes, but in the 21st century those changes have themselves been altered and require GPS rather than a road map.