Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Sex For Dummies

Another reason for women and men to become better informed about the female anatomy is that understanding our bodies is certainly key to good sexual functioning, which is the primary purpose of this book.

Understanding female anatomy is important for having a healthy outlook toward women. The idea that a woman’s genitals are in some foreign, dank place — the black hole of Calcutta is one name that’s been used for it — denigrates not only a woman’s genitals but her status as a human being as well.

Although these parts are private in our society because they relate to an individual, I can see no need to keep their general nature private as well.

So whether you are a female or a male, I’m going to make sure that you no longer face a mystery when you contemplate a woman’s genitals. Instead, I’m going to imprint a topographical map in your brain that you’ll never forget.

If you’re a woman reading this, you have a definite advantage because you can examine yourself. Many women never take the time to look closely at their genitals, and I highly recommend the practice. Because your genitals aren’t as convenient to view as a man’s, you’ll need a simple tool: a hand mirror. Take off your clothes and seat yourself someplace where you can spread your legs easily. You can use available light or better yet, use a flashlight or the light on your phone to give you a clearer view. I suggest you do some exploring on your own, read the next few pages, and then go back and see if you can identify the various places that I mention.

As far as you guys out there, if you have a partner who’s willing, sharing in this experience certainly won’t do you any harm, although I have a few words of caution:

If your partner has never examined herself before, maybe you should give her some time alone to take this little tour first, because your presence will no doubt be a distraction.

When your turn to explore comes around, do your utmost to keep the examination nonsexual, even if you do get aroused (which you probably will). If you can keep the moment on an educational plane, then you have a good opportunity to ask her some questions about how she feels about her genitals, as well as what pleases her and what displeases her when you have sex.

If, after the grand tour is over, you’re both so aroused that you need to have sex, then be my guest — but only if you promise to put to use what you just learned and not go back to doing the same old thing.

Certainly my job would be easier if the medical world didn’t use so many Latin terms, which I then have to explain to you — especially because I never took Latin. But because those words apply here, I suggest that you look at Figure 3-1 before embarking on this journey into the female anatomy. That way, you’ll have a better feel for what I’m describing as we proceed, and you won’t get lost on some side road.

Illustration by Kathryn Born

FIGURE 3-1:The vulva: one cylinder, and it’s not made in Sweden.

The part of the female genitals that you can see is called the vulva , which lies between the mons pubis and the anus. The mons pubis (also called mons veneris , which in Latin stands for “mound of Venus”) is a layer of fatty tissue that lies above the pubic bone, basically acting as a bumper. That part of the female is easily identified because it’s covered with pubic hair. The anus is … oh, you know what an anus is because, whichever sex you are, you have one. And the area between the genital organ and the anus is called the perineum . In many people, both women and men, this is a sensitive spot.

The vulva has large outer lips called the labia majora (which is Latin for, you guessed it, large outer lips). Inside these lips are

the labia minora (smaller inner lips)

the clitoris (a woman’s most sensitive spot)

the urethra (from which urine is passed)

the vestibule (not a place to hang your hat and coat)

The vestibule is the actual entrance to the vagina and is covered by a membrane called the hymen . When a woman is aroused, the vestibular bulbs , which lie underneath, swell with blood and become engorged, somewhat like a penis — which only makes sense, because they’re made from the same spongy tissue as the penis.

Whether you’re looking at Figure 3-1 or the real thing right now, remember that not all vulvas look alike. In the same way that you’ll encounter different models of Volvos, you’ll come across many different shaped vulvas as well — but they will all take you where you want to go. You certainly shouldn’t be ashamed of the way you look, whether your vulva is of a more common variety or not. And as far as partners are concerned, the very fact that they’re seeing this part of your anatomy is all they need to get so excited that they’ll appreciate any model you happen to have.

In the early weeks of a baby’s formation, when it is still an embryo, the male and female genitals look basically the same because many of the same tissues form both the male and female genitals. For example, the tissues that form the labia majora in the female are the same tissues that form the scrotum in the male. Upon completion, however, these genitals end up taking different forms. (And a good thing too.)

The labia majora are made up of two rounded mounds of tissue that form the outer boundaries of the vulva (see Figure 3-2). After puberty, hair grows on them, as well as on the mons pubis. The skin of the labia majora is usually darker than the surrounding skin of the thighs. Within the majora are the smaller labia minora . They surround the vestibule and are hairless. The labia minora join at the top to form the prepuce , or clitoral hood .

Illustration by Kathryn Born

FIGURE 3-2:The innards of the vulva.

These days, with women wearing skimpier bathing suits and underwear, and with oral sex being more and more common, many women are concerned about the amount of hair they have covering their genitalia. It’s normal for hair to grow from the navel to the anus and down to the thighs. Whether you prefer the “natural” look, a bit of a trim, or going completely bare is a personal preference and may depend on how much energy you have to maintain your pubic hair. In fact, you can change your “hairdo” as often as you like.

I worry when young women shave their pubic hair out of shame. There’s nothing shameful about pubic hair or any other aspect of your genitalia.

Inside the vestibule are the Bartholin’s glands , whose secretions serve as one of a woman’s natural lubricants during intercourse (although the major source of a woman’s lubrication comes through the walls of the vagina, as I discuss later in this chapter). These secretions are also an indication that the woman has become aroused, similar to the male’s erection. As a woman ages and hits menopause, the glands begin to shrink and secrete less fluid because of the lack of estrogen. For this reason, an older woman must often use a lubricant to help keep the area moist during intercourse (see Chapter 19).