Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Sex For Dummies

Where the upper ends of the labia minora meet lays the clitoris , the principal organ of female sexual pleasure. Pea sized (see more in note below), the clitoris develops from the same tissue as does the penis. Also like the penis, the clitoris has a shaft and a head ( glans ) and gets engorged with blood during sexual excitement and grows, though certainly not to the extent that a penis does. The clitoris is covered by a clitoral hood , which protects the clitoris much like the foreskin on the male penis. (To better understand a man’s anatomy, see Chapter 2.) The clitoris has many nerve endings and is a very erogenous organ, critical for a woman’s orgasm. (See Chapter 12for more on attaining orgasms.)

Though a lot smaller in size, the clitoris has about the same number of nerve endings as a penis, which is why many women can’t tolerate direct stimulation of the clitoris but prefer to have the area over the hood and the mons pubis stimulated instead.

What you see when looking at your clitoris is only a small portion as three-fourths of it lies buried within and is not visible. The visible portion varies in size from woman to woman and in location. The differences aren’t great but may be significant, as research has shown that women with a smaller exposed clitoris may have more difficulties reaching orgasm and that the placement can also have a positive or negative effect. The bottom line is that while all women should be able to have orgasms from having their clitoris stimulated, some may need more stimulation than others.

The clitoris, like the penis, can accumulate smegma — a combination of secretions, skin cells, and bacteria — under the clitoral hood. You should be careful to clean this area thoroughly. If too much smegma accumulates, you may have to ask your gynecologist to do a thorough cleaning.

Below the clitoris is the entrance to the urethra, out of which urine flows. The urethra is totally separate from the vagina. Some men, and possibly even a few women, don’t realize that these are two different openings, which is one of the reasons they get squeamish about this region. But, as the penis is really too big to fit into the urethra, it shouldn’t be a source of concern. And, because urine also comes out of the penis, no man should feel that the vagina is any less clean than its male counterpart. But, if you still feel uncomfortable about this region, you have an easy solution.

If you want to be absolutely sure that both your genitals and your partner’s are squeaky clean, make a sexy sponge bath of both organs a normal part of your sexual routine. After all, nobody ever died from being too clean.

Urinary tract infections are fairly common in women, and one reason for this is that bacteria can be pushed inside the urethra during intercourse. Always keep this area clean, being very careful to wipe yourself front to back after going to the bathroom, not the other way around. Using douches and feminine sprays to keep your vagina clean isn’t recommended because they can upset the natural balance of bacteria found in the vagina and lead to yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis. However, urinating after intercourse to empty the bladder of any bacteria that may have been introduced may help a woman avoid urinary tract infections.

The hymen is the membrane that covers the entrance to the vagina. When intact, the hymen was once considered the traditional proof of a woman’s virginity. Her status as a virgin was verified by the bleeding that often occurs when the hymen is first penetrated (see Chapter 10).

In some cultures, the mother of the bride would actually display the bloody sheets after the wedding night to show how pure her daughter had been before her marriage. And if by some chance the daughter had been slightly impure, some chicken’s blood would do — especially because DNA testing hadn’t been invented yet.

Today, however, many women break this membrane accidentally before their first attempt at sexual intercourse, either by inserting a tampon or while performing vigorous activities, such as bicycle riding or horseback riding. In the vast majority of cases, even an intact hymen has perforations so menstrual blood can pass through, but some women are born without these perforations and a doctor must pierce the hymen. (By the way, the fact that a woman has broken her hymen before she’s had sexual intercourse doesn’t change her status as a virgin. Traditionally, only through actual intercourse with a man could she change that standing, as that was the only way to risk pregnancy. In today’s world, where people engage in sex in so many ways, the entire concept of virginity remains quite fluid.)

What makes women different from men is that much of our sexual apparatus is on the inside — most notably, the vagina . The vagina itself is a hollow, muscular tube that extends from the external opening at the vestibule all the way to the cervix, which is the entrance to the uterus. (The cervix and uterus have their own sections in this chapter.)

An adult woman’s vagina is about 3 to 4 inches long and extremely flexible. During intercourse, the vagina stretches to accommodate the penis. When a woman gives birth, the vagina stretches even more, becoming part of the birth canal through which the baby passes on its way into the world. When a vagina has nothing in it, it collapses like an empty balloon.

The vagina doesn’t go straight back, but usually angles upward. (Some women have a tipped vagina, which angles downward, but this condition is rare.) Some women, not aware of the angle, have a difficult time inserting a tampon because they think it should be pushed straight back rather than at an angle that matches the vagina’s.

The walls of the vagina have several layers (see Figure 3-3). The first is the mucosa , or vaginal lining. The mucosa is very thick and has many folds. It responds to the woman’s hormonal changes by secreting various types of fluids. Under the mucosa are a muscular layer and a layer of connective tissue (the adventitia ) that are rich in blood.

Illustration by Kathryn Born

FIGURE 3-3:Lubricating fluids and an enveloping fullness come from the vaginal walls to enhance sexual pleasure.

Beneath the vagina, on the pelvic floor, are other muscles that are responsible for keeping the vagina elevated, tight, and firm. Women can do Kegel exercises, which I talk about in Chapter 12, to help tone these muscles.

Speaking of working out, sometimes when a woman exercises or has intercourse, the action can force air into the vagina. When the woman changes position, the air goes back out, producing a sound as if she were passing gas. This occurrence is common and shouldn’t cause any embarrassment.