Sharon Perkins - Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies

What is quality time? It’s time you spend with your child, focusing on your child. Some people say quality time has nothing to do with the quantity of time you spend with your child, but we feel that it’s affected by the amount of time you devote to your child. Give as much as you can because the old adage is true — they grow up so fast. Your smartphone will still be there when baby goes to bed.

Some dads even leave the workforce altogether or take work-at-home positions to provide full-time childcare for their newborn. If you choose this route, make sure to check out Chapter 14, which notes some important considerations of being a stay-at-home daddy.

Bad habits are hard to break, but when you have the added stress of a baby, those habits can be even harder to conquer. That said, you’re about to have a child — a sponge that will soak up your every word and action — so it’s time to clean up your act. Following are a few lifestyle alterations to consider making so you can lead by example without reservation:

Control your anger and censor your potty mouth. Kids learn how to treat and interact with others at a very young age. Start revising your behavior now and get used to swearing less, before your kid picks up some foul-mouthed communication habits.

Develop routines. Be it running errands, cooking, making phone calls, or paying the bills, get systems in place to ensure that everything gets done with the least amount of stress. Knowing who does what when keeps you on track when baby throws a wrench into everything.

Eat healthier. Your partner needs to be extremely diligent about eating pregnancy-positive foods, so use this time as an opportunity to get your diet in order. Soon enough, you’ll be cooking for three, and if you’re already in the habit of preparing healthy foods, you’ll have no trouble providing proper nutrition to your child.

Lose weight. If you’re considerably overweight, you’re more susceptible to illness and a shortened life span. Furthermore, children of obese parents are more likely to be obese. Kids learn nutrition and lifestyle habits from their parents, so set a good example and give your child a fair shot at a long, healthy life.

Organize and de-clutter your home. Create a safe, livable place for your new addition, which also helps decrease the amount of stress in your life.

Quit smoking/drinking too much/taking recreational drugs. Secondhand smoke increases the risk of illness for your child and the likelihood that she’ll become a smoker as an adult. Frequent overconsumption of alcohol makes you less likely to be a responsible parent capable of making good, safe decisions for baby. In fact, alcohol and drugs often lead to harmful and neglectful decisions that can land you in legal trouble and your child in the foster care system.

Spend less money on nonessential items. Teaching kids fiscal responsibility is just as important as teaching them social responsibility. Plus, kids aren’t cheap, so stop spending $50 per week on lattes and comic books and start banking your savings to provide a sound, secure future for your family.

Start an exercise regimen. Physically active, healthy parents get less run down and are less susceptible to illness. Plus, you want to live a long life with your children.

Our modern life seems to get more complex by the day, from politics and social media to pandemics and increasingly erratic natural disasters — now might seem like a particularly scary time to bring a baby into the world. If you’re concerned, remember you’re not alone. Millennials are waiting longer to get married, buy a home, and have children. There’s never a “right” time to have a baby — when you’re ready, the rest of the noise won’t matter as much. Your decision to have a child is separate from the chaos that has always been and will always be, and as long as you provide a safe, happy home, your baby will be happy and healthy, too. The best thing you can do is be honest with your partner about any concerns you have and decide together how you want to raise your child. It’s never too soon to start discussing the world you want for your child and to figure out how you can facilitate providing that world.

Also, during pregnancy (and beyond!) it’s absolutely okay to take a break from social media, to unfollow people and pages that cause stress, and to take a break from podcasts and cable news. Sure, it might feel like sticking your head in the sand, but a stress-free and happy pregnancy is your number-one job. Anything that stands in the way of that can be excised or paused in your life for as long as you both desire.

Deciding the right time in life to have a baby isn’t an easy task, especially because circumstances change on a seemingly daily basis. However, family planning is an essential step that can minimize what ifs, frustrations, and regrets. After you have a baby, you can’t take it back. Knowing when you’re ready to be parents and then trying to conceive means that when you actually do get pregnant, the timing will be right. Or at least as right as any time can be, considering you have such little control over life’s variables.

How does it feel when you know you want to be a father? And how can you know when you’re actually ready to start trying for a baby? Those questions have no simple answers because the feeling is different for everyone, but suffice it to say, you’ll know when you know.

One sign to look for is a prolonged interest and fascination with the babies of friends and family members. Some women jokingly refer to their growing desire for a baby as baby fever, and many men experience similar feelings. The desire to procreate, to have your genes carried on in the species, can be powerful. Just make sure it’s a desire that lasts more than a day.

Also, make sure you take the time to analyze the impact baby will have on your life. If you’re in the final two years of a college program, waiting to have a child may be in your best interest. If you’re unemployed, perhaps you want to put off trying until you find a job you like that can support a family.

Just because you’re ready doesn’t make now the right time. Don’t decide to have a baby on an impulse. Think about the impact a child will have on your time, money, and home, and if you don’t see any major obstacles, then by all means, proceed. Obviously, you can choose to proceed even if having a baby now doesn’t make sense on every level, but first make sure you can provide a loving, safe home and can pay for all the things baby needs to thrive.

You can tell your partner anytime and anyplace that you’re ready to take the plunge into parenthood, but however you broach the subject, remember that she may not be as ready as you. A good way to introduce the topic is by asking her questions about her feelings on when is the right time to have a baby.

Let her know how excited you are, but also let her know that you’ve thought about the finances and logistics of having a baby, too. Fatherhood involves a lot more than choosing a name and a nursery theme. A big part of feeling ready is knowing that your partner isn’t just enamored with the idea of a child but is also prepared for the practicalities of responsibly starting a family.

You don’t have to outline every aspect of how and why you’re ready, but do treat the idea with respect and let your partner know you’re sincere by proving that you’ve actually thought it through.