Sharon Perkins - Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies

If your partner is already pregnant, do not under any circumstances tell her you’re not ready. If, however, the two of you are simply exploring the idea of having a child, now is the perfect time to speak your piece and let her know that you’re just not prepared for fatherhood.

Reasons for not being ready vary from practical (not enough money or time) to logistical (still in school or caring for a sick parent) to selfish (not ready to share the Xbox). No reason is wrong, but if your partner is ready for a baby, don’t expect her to be fully supportive of your rationale.

Regardless, don’t agree to have a child before you’re up for the challenge just so your partner doesn’t get angry with you. Be honest, because once she’s pregnant, you can’t do anything to change the situation. If you’re uncertain now, be honest and speak up!

Being on different pages can be an uncomfortable position for any couple, especially when it comes to the kid issue. Men have long been saddled with the Peter Pan label whenever they announce they aren’t ready to “grow up” and have kids. Women are unfairly chastised for choosing career over family if they aren’t ready to have a child.

Everyone has his reasons for wanting or not wanting to have a baby, and every one of them is valid — at least to the person who isn’t ready. We don’t recommend attempting to persuade your partner, or vice versa, to have a baby. Having a child with someone who isn’t ready is setting up your relationship — and your relationship with the child — for failure.

If one of you isn’t ready, try to work out a timeline as to when the wary party will be ready. If you can’t set a definitive date, choose a time to revisit the topic. Check in with each other at least every six months. Nagging the other person isn’t a good idea, but if it’s something one of you wants, then you should continue to work toward a solution.

Seek counseling at any point if you and your partner fight about the issue frequently or if one of you decides that you never want children. Couples who are at an impasse about whether to have children often need the guidance of a trained professional.

Unplanned pregnancies aren’t uncommon, and for the majority of people in a committed relationship, adjusting to the surprising news is often no more than a minor bump in the road. If you unexpectedly find out that you’re going to be a dad, don’t get angry with your partner. Blaming the other person is easy when emotions run high, but don’t forget how you got into this situation in the first place. It does, indeed, take two.

Birth control and family planning are the responsibility of both the man and the woman, and accidents sometimes happen. The best thing you can do in this instance is to talk with your partner about your options and start making a plan for how to give that child the best life you possibly can. Having a child unexpectedly isn’t the end of the world, and you don’t have to feel ready to have a baby to be a good father.

Getting pregnant isn’t always as easy as they make it look in the movies, as the millions of infertile couples know all too well. (And if you and your partner are dealing with infertility, head to Chapter 2for help.) Finding out that you’re pregnant after a long wait brings a mixed bag of emotions, most of which are joyful.

If you and your partner have been struggling to get pregnant, you likely feel relieved that you’re about to get the gift you’ve been working so hard to find, but don’t be surprised if you have difficulty adjusting to life outside of the infertility world. After months and years of scheduled sex, countless doctor visits, and innumerable disappointments, not everyone transitions into the pregnancy phase with ease.

You also may struggle with extreme fear because of previous miscarriages, close calls, and years of frustration with the process. Allow yourselves the opportunity to gripe, complain, worry, and grieve for a process that took a lot of patience and energy. Frustrations that were bottled up for the sake of optimism may finally surface, which is absolutely healthy.

Just because you’ve finally achieved your goal doesn’t make all the feelings of sadness and frustration suddenly disappear. If you and/or your partner have trouble letting go of the feelings that gripped you during your fertility struggle, you can find countless support groups, online communities, and blogs that provide both of you a place to talk about what you’ve been through. You can also learn transition tips from others who’ve been through the same thing. Moving forward does get easier, but it can take time — and a heaping helping of support.

When you get used to the idea of being a father, you may wonder what comes next. For the uninitiated, first-time dad, the nine months of pregnancy are a whirlwind of planning, worrying, parties, nesting, name searching, doctor visits, and information gathering as you move toward baby’s birth. In the following sections we lay out what you can expect in each trimester (a period of three months).

In the first trimester, which encompasses the first three months of pregnancy, your partner will likely suffer from a host of common pregnancy symptoms immortalized and caricatured in numerous movies and TV shows, such as nausea, (food aversions), intense sleepiness, (fatigue), unexplained tears, and baffling cravings for the oddest food combinations imaginable.

Because your baby’s major organs form during this time, he’s most susceptible to injury from environmental factors, such as certain medications ingested by your partner. He’s also growing in a way he never will again. By the end of the first trimester, your baby grows to be about 3 or 4 inches long and weighs approximately 1 ounce.

By the time he reaches the end of the first three months, your baby’s arms, legs, hands, and feet are fully formed, and he’s able to open and close his fists. The circulatory and urinary systems are fully functional, meaning that, yes, he urinates into the amniotic fluid on a daily basis. Secondary body parts, such as fingernails, teeth, and reproductive organs, begin developing.

Want more information on the miracle that is the first trimester? Head to Chapter 4for all the minute details.

On the practical side, don’t forget to take a look at your medical insurance and make sure you understand your benefits.

During the second trimester, most of your partner’s early pregnancy symptoms, such as extreme fatigue, disappear, but she finally begins to look like the pregnant person she is. She may begin struggling with the not-so-fun aspects of carrying another human being around, such as weight gain. She may also exhibit characteristics you associate more with your grandmom than your partner, such as forgetfulness.

This is also the pregnancy period when the fun stuff begins. Around 18 to 20 weeks, your partner has the ultrasound that can determine the baby’s sex — if you choose to find out and if the baby allows the ultrasound technician a clear view. It’s also the time when you register for your baby shower, prepare the nursery, weed through countless baby names, attend birthing classes, and think about baby-proofing your house.