Liane Holliday Willey - Pretending to be Normal

Next time you need a gift, consider sending something that requires no out-of-the-home shopping such as a subscription to a magazine, a donation to a special organization made in the recipient’s name, tickets to an event, an IOU for some service you can provide them, or an item you were able to find through your catalog shopping.

Many stores will deliver their products to your door, or at least arrange to have them mailed to you, if you simply tell them you have a disability that makes it difficult for you to drive, face crowds or leave the home. If it is difficult for you to ask the store personnel for this assistance, write a letter instead asking if they can provide this service.

Work out a partnership with a friend to take turns doing each other’s errands. Or if you find you are better able to function at one store than another, ask the friend if you could take care of the general shopping needs at the location you are most comfortable visiting, while the friend faces the crowds at the stores you need to avoid.

If nothing else, you can always try to arrange for someone to do your shopping for you. If you cannot afford to pay someone, perhaps you could barter a good or service instead. You might offer help with homework to a high school student, a homemade craft you are particularly good at creating, help on tax forms, gardening services or any other number of services you enjoy and do well, in exchange for weekly grocery shopping or small errand running.

Make a list of assignments: Write down everything you think you need to do to keep your household running. Include all kinds of responsibilities such as: cleaning, gardening, auto care and repair, volunteer commitments, shopping, and any other activity you will need to engage in on a regular basis — things like getting your hair cut or visiting the doctor. Then, assign each activity a specific day of the week. Keep track of your schedule by writing everything on a large monthly or yearly wall calendar, or in a notebook you have designated for home-making routines. Record the weekly items first. For example, you might decide to grocery shop on Mondays, vacuum on Tuesdays, wash clothes on Wednesdays, dust on Thursdays and care for the yard on Fridays. Then go back and assign a time for your monthly routines such as, for example: hair and doctor appointments on the first Monday of every month and car maintenance on the last Friday of every month.

Get in the habit of carrying small note papers with you where ever you go. Write yourself reminders on the paper that you can tape to spots you are certain not to miss. You might keep reminders of the day’s schedule changes posted on your bathroom mirror; reminders to exercise, eating right, read to the kids, etc., posted near your refrigerator; and reminders of things you wanted to tell your family or friends posted near your computer or the phone.

Record your thoughts, reminders of things you want to accomplish, and appointment times and dates on a pocket-sized tape recorder you can carry with you where ever you go. Listen to it several times during the day to keep your memory jarred, or write the entire transcript down when you have the time so you can have a visual reminder, as well.

If you find you cannot design a nice looking or comfortable wardrobe without distressing yourself, turn to your favorite clothes catalog for help. Simply cut out pictures of models wearing outfits you think you would like and then either order those clothes from the catalog, or take the photos with you to a store you feel comfortable in and ask a salesclerk to help you find a similar outfit. When you get the clothes home, hang them together in the closet with the picture of the model pinned to one of the pieces, to remind you how the outfit should be put together.

Although extended research is needed to explore the relationship between sensory perception problems and Asperger’s Syndrome fully, experts in the field have begun to conclude there is a correlation between the two (Attwood, 1998, p. 19; Rimland 1990). If you are easily upset or overwhelmed by the everyday kinds of sensory information that exist in your life, for example, if everyday lighting can appear intensely bright, quiet music can sound painfully loud, a whiff of perfume can bring on nausea, or certain food textures and tastes produce a gag reflex, chances are you are affected by sensory perception problems. If that is the case, consider engaging the help of a trained occupational therapist who will assist you in designing a formal sensory integration therapy program. In the meantime, the following suggestions might help you manage some of the more common situations. On a cautionary note, please keep in mind some of these coping strategies can look unusual to the general public. Therefore, it might be in your best interest to use the therapies you select in as private a place as possible. If you cannot find privacy, it would be a good idea to tell your close associates a few things about sensory perception problems and how you try to deal with them, so that they will be able to empathize with you when you do your therapy.

1. If you dislike being touched, politely ask those around you to warn you before they touch you or ask them not to touch you at all. If you decide someone can touch you, let them know which you prefer, light or firm pressure.

2. If even the slightest sensation aggravates your nerves, try to move your work, study and other personal spaces as far away as you can from air vent currents, window treatments and any other obstacles that might inadvertently brush against your body.

3. If you enjoy the sensation of deep pressure, you might put light weights (store bought or some you have made yourself from sacks of small coins, pebbles, marbles, etc.) in the pockets of your jackets, sweaters and vests, even if this means you have to sew pockets in your clothing. Or you could get in the habit of carrying a heavy purse or backpack.

4. Find which kinds of fabric feel best on your skin and try to buy clothing, gloves, hats, towels, blankets, sheets, cooking mits and pot holders, scarves and so on, that are made from that material.

5. If washing your hair is a terrible issue for you, wear a very short hair cut that can be quickly washed in a few seconds. Do a dry shampoo by sprinkling corn starch or scent-free powder in your hair (if you can tolerate the tactile sensation of those textures) leaving it in for a few minutes, then brushing it out. Or consider wearing hats and scarves to cover your hair when it becomes unruly, but not quite desperate enough for a washing. Remember though, that you will have to wash your hair at least once a week or you risk getting lice, scalp ailments and social rejections.

6. If you need to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings around your mouth, do not chew pencils and pens which might break and splinter into your mouth, instead chew hard substances like paraffin wax, thick rubber tubing, gum or heavy plastic straws.

7. If you like to squish and scrunch things, fill balloons with flour, flour and rice, cornstarch, or some other pleasing substance, then squish away (only after the balloon has been tied shut with a knot); play with shaving cream before you use it; play with modeling clay; learn to bake bread the old fashioned way; garden; squeeze a small rubber ball; hold a small vibrating toy; or fiddle with a prepackaged bag of rice or beans. And do not worry if you need to do these things in public, they are easy to conceal. Just put them in small containers you can hide in your pockets or put them in your shoes to squish with your toes.