Akash Karia: Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

Smiling and having open body language goes a long way toward doing so. Avoid crossing your arms because it is a signal that says you’re not interested in talking. Instead keep your arms loose and near your sides.

If you’re uncomfortable with your hands being loose, try holding something such as a book or even a drink. Be conscious of your facial expressions and keep them friendly and light.

Try This:

Look at yourself in the mirror with different postures and expressions. Try to assume an approachable position and then pay attention to how your body feels. At a function you won’t have a mirror to see your posture and facial expressions so you’ll want to know how they physically feel.

TECHNIQUE #2: AVOID JUDGMENT

When someone makes a snap judgment about you it can be untrue and hurt your chances of having a good relationship. The same is true when you make a snap judgment about someone else.

Look at everyone you approach as a discovery to be made. Remember that you don’t know much about someone until you’ve spent some time talking and getting to know them.

You may find that you really don’t enjoy every person that you meet, but almost everyone has an interesting point of view and background story. Make an effort to get to know someone rather than judging a book by its cover.

Try This:

When you find yourself making a snap judgment about someone (and most of us do this at least to some degree), think of the beginning of a book. Consider that you just need to keep reading and getting to know this person more before coming to any conclusions.

TECHNIQUE #3: BE GENUINE

Have you ever been approached by a salesperson? Many people who are in sales are very good at approaching new people, but it can be pretty obvious from the beginning that they’re not as interested in you as they are in making a sale. Of course, this doesn’t apply to every salesperson (I know a lot of great salespeople who genuinely care about their products and their customers), but there are a few too many salespeople who value making a quick buck over building a relationship.

The best salespeople actually come across as genuinely interested in you and put the sale as a secondary priority. As you develop a relationship, you become more interested in purchasing a product from a particular person because of who they are. In my experience, I have found this to be true. Currently, I work as the Chief Commercial Officer of a multimillion-dollar company in East Africa. Every year, I interview, hire, and fire sales people – and I’ve found that the best-performing salespeople are not those who place priorities on making immediate sales, but those who focus on meeting and building relationships with the decision-makers.

In order to be genuine you need to be yourself and you also need to be sincerely interested in the other person. When you’re not being sincere it will be obvious to most people.

Being genuine will help people to feel more comfortable with you and be more interested in a relationship with you. Avoid the temptation to tell a story that isn’t completely true or try to be anyone that you’re not.

Try This:

When you’re talking to someone, employ active listening techniques that show you’re interested in them. Think about someone who comes across as very genuine to you and list the traits that make them so sincere. Try to model some of those traits and incorporate them into who you are.

TECHNIQUE #4: ASK FOR HELP

One way to develop connection with someone is to ask them for assistance. Most people enjoy feeling needed and helpful. Look for ways that you can ask others to assist you.

Ask people for feedback about your business or service and be open to any constructive criticism that you receive. Asking for help or even just for someone’s opinion can be very powerful.

Try This:

Come up with a list of specific things you need so that you’re ready to ask for assistance. For example, you might ask for help in expanding your network, shaping a particular part of your business, or looking for local resources to support a current need.

TECHNIQUE #5: ASK HOW YOU CAN HELP

Just as it’s beneficial to ask for assistance and allow others to feel needed and valuable, you can also ask what you can do for others. Ask open-ended questions such as “What can I do to support you?”

You may be surprised by the needs that people express – often they’re quite different than what you might have assumed. By supporting people in the ways that are needed you become more valuable.

Spend a day focused on serving and supporting others. If people ask for help that you’re not able to provide yourself, help them find someone who can do it. Pay attention to the shift that you see in your relationships as you offer to help with no strings attached.

BE PERSONAL

Often in professional relationships we work very hard to come off as polished and appropriate. Sometimes that focus on professionalism puts up an artificial barrier to relationships.

But it’s okay – and even good – to be personal in early conversations. That can mean joking around or talking about something personal to ease some of the tension and create a meaningful connection.

Try This:

When you’re having a conversation and you notice that you share a similarity, share a personal story about an experience you’ve had. Look for ways to personalize conversations and take them from superficial to true connection.

VENTURE INTO ASKING PERSONAL QUESTIONS

In a study conducted by psychologist Arthur Aron, “Aron separated two groups of people, then paired people up within their groups and had them chat with one another for 45 minutes. While the first group of pairs spent the 45 minutes engaging in small talk, the second group got a list of questions that gradually grew more intimate. Not surprisingly, the pairs who asked the gradually more probing questions felt closer and more connected after the 45 minutes were up.” – via Business Insider

The key takeaway here is that if you want to build rapport and develop a sense of connectedness with the other person, you should not be afraid to gradually venture into more personal questions; To help you out, here are the thirty-six questions that Aron used as part of the study (via Psychology Today):

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a perfect day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?