Akash Karia: Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

Local Flavor:When you’re looking for something to discuss, take advantage of the local scene. You can talk about some local events, sports teams, news, or landmarks. If you’re visiting a new area, a local person will love to tell you about local attractions. If you’re in your own city, be prepared to share some of the most popular attractions in your area. This can give you something to talk about that’s interesting and appropriate for a new friend.

Professional Events:If you’re attending a conference you can discuss some of the workshops you’ve attended. You may also be able to bring up future events such as conferences, meetings, or mixers. You can also talk about current issues in your profession such as your professional organization, trends, and market changes. Bringing up a new topic can give you more to talk about and help you move forward from an awkward silence.

State the Obvious

Sometimes you can get through an awkward silence by pointing it out in a humorous way. Calling out what’s happening can help both of you feel more relaxed and help you to move forward.

Change the Focus

Another way you can get a conversation going again is to turn it back toward your speaking partner. Most people love to talk about themselves and this can keep things going.

However, you do want to avoid asking questions in a way that feels like an interrogation. Keep things light and use open-ended questions as a way to free up the conversation without making the other person feel uncomfortable.

IS THE CONVERSATION OVER?

Sometimes a lull in the conversation is just a natural signal that the conversation has reached a conclusion. Sure, you could keep it going if you wanted to but there really isn’t a need to do so.

When that happens, you’ll want to use the lull as a tool for ending the conversation in a positive way. In Chapter 9 I’ll share my best tips for doing this.

Chapter 8

AVOID STOPPING A CONVERSATION COLD

You’ve probably heard that you should avoid talking about politics or religion in social settings – especially with new people. And while these can be hot-button issues, they’re certainly not the only topics that can cause a conversation to come to a screeching halt.

AVOID THESE TOPICS IN CONVERSATION

Quite a few topics are considered in appropriate in many situations. Make sure you avoid them if you want to leave your company with a good impression.

Side note: These topics may be fine once you get to know someone and have developed a good relationship with them. However, generally speaking, you want to avoid the following topics when you’re meeting someone for the first time.

SEX

Sex is not a topic that should be discussed in casual conversation – especially with people you don’t know well in professional settings. Discussing sexual conquests or making sexual jokes will be a major turn-off.

OFFENSIVE HUMOR

Offensive humor includes sexual jokes, but is not limited to them. You’ll also want to avoid making jokes about bodily functions, ethnicity, or gender stereotypes. These are all offensive in their own ways.

Avoid any type of controversial humor until you know someone well and know their taste in jokes.

FINANCES

When you’re talking with close friends the topic of finances is usually acceptable. But when you’re talking to someone new, discussing money can be awkward. This includes talking about your salary, telling how much you paid for things, and asking other people questions about their financial situations.

You should also avoid talking about others’ finances and spreading gossip. Note that when someone does share financial information with you, it’s not your information to share with others.

HEALTH ISSUES

Some health topics are perfect for casual conversation. You might feel comfortable discussing organic foods or your favorite form of exercise. But when it comes to more specific matters it’s best to keep health information out of a friendly conversation with acquaintances.

For example, it’s best not to discuss chronic illness, surgeries, or major injuries. Bringing this up can make people feel uncomfortable and can take a light-hearted atmosphere and make it too serious.

Avoid discussions of body fluids, functions, and other things that might make some people squeamish. This is especially true if you’re having a conversation at a meal.

While it might not bother you to talk about these things, many people are uncomfortable and even disgusted by this type of conversation.

These are the most critical topics to avoid. By bringing up these topics you’re likely to make people feel uncomfortable and cut off a relationship that could have potentially benefited you.

CONVERSATION KILLERS

We’ve discussed topics that you should avoid, but it’s also important to know behaviors that can bring a conversation to stop. Pay careful attention to your actions to avoid awkward endings.

MONOPOLIZING

You’ve probably been at a party and noticed that one person tends to monopolize the conversation. For example, one woman always has something to say about every topic and has personal experience that she must share.

You’ve probably also noticed that people tend to try to get away from this type of person and you may even find yourself rolling your eyes and looking for escape routes. No one likes it when someone spends too much time talking about himself or herself and takes over the conversation.

FORCING YOUR OPINIONS ON OTHERS

We’ve talked a lot about learning to agree to disagree. The opposite of that is having strong opinions and trying to force them on others. You can also lose friendships by being very judgmental about others’ opinions and personally attacking them.

For example, you can disagree on a topic but it’s inappropriate to say that a person is an idiot (“You’re an idiot for thinking that!” or “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”) because his or her opinion differs from yours. People who judge in this way have a difficult time maintaining positive working relationships and friendships.

DISTRACTED BODY LANGUAGE

When you’re not listening to your conversation partner, he or she has no reason to continue talking. Checking your watch, appearing bored, and allowing other distractions to grab your attention is a great way to end a conversation.

Instead, always focus on maintaining active listening techniques to avoid this problem when you’re working to develop new relationships.

NEGATIVITY

We’ve discussed this earlier, but it bears repeating. You will have a hard time being seen as a leader and someone who can be trusted if you’re constantly negative. People may be willing to be around you for a little while, but the negativity will eventually get old and push people away.

Being negative all the time can be a habit – and one that’s tough to break. But it is possible to break the habit and become a more positive, optimistic person.

PROFANITY

This is in the same vein as using offensive humor. For some people profanity isn’t offensive but for others it is. It’s rarely appropriate to use profanity in conversations in a professional setting.

If you tend to use a lot of profanity, you may not notice how much you do it. Become hyper aware of your language and work to clean it up. Less is more when it comes to strong language.