Akash Karia: Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

Some behaviors that are acceptable in your home or at the local pub with friends are not acceptable at work. Profanity is one of those behaviors that you need to keep in check.

FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS

While you don’t want to come across as arrogant in conversations, you also want to avoid taking it too far the other way and constantly putting yourself down. This type of talk makes it seem that you’re fishing for compliments.

It’s okay to be a little self-deprecating – in fact that can be a sign of humility. But if you’re always saying negative things about yourself it can become tiresome and will push people away.

WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE

It can take a long time to correct a bad impression, but it’s possible to do so. The best thing you can do is work hard to correct negative behaviors that cause problems in the first place.

But if you happen to insert your foot into your mouth, you can recover.

First, admit your mistake to the person you’ve offended. Being honest and willing to admit imperfections shows humility.

Next, apologize for any offense that was caused. Saying “I’m sorry” can go a long way toward mending fences. If you’ve made a major faux pas, ask what you can do to repair the situation.

For example, if you offended a larger group of people or caused a problem at an event, you may need to send notes of apology or apologize to the leader of the group. You could also help organize a future event and use service as a way to make amends.

Finally, reach out in appropriate ways in the future. And make sure that you learn from your mistake and correct the inappropriate behavior.

Chapter 9

HOW TO END THE CONVERSATION POSITIVELY

The purpose of striking up new conversations is to create new connections beyond just that moment. How you end a conversation is as important as how you begin it. You want to leave your new acquaintance with a favorable impression of you going forward.

WHEN SHOULD YOU END A CONVERSATION?

Ending a conversation can be an art form. You don’t want to end it abruptly in a way that causes someone to feel unimportant. Instead, learn to gracefully end a conversation. Here are three opportunities to do that:

Natural Pause

In a conversation when the passion for the current topic has died down, there’s often a natural pause. This is usually a great time to end a conversation and move on to a new person or activity.

Awkward Pause

If you’re in the situation of having an awkward pause in conversation, it may be best to politely end the conversation – especially if efforts to revive the discussion have failed.

Event Transition

If you’re attending a professional meeting or conference, there will be built-in times for transition. For example, you may end a conversation as a speaker is getting ready to begin or the next session is about to start.

ENDING ON THE RIGHT NOTE

When it’s time to end a conversation, there are a few steps that can help you to do so gracefully and leave a great last impression. This will make it easier for you to follow up later.

STEP 1: GIVE YOUR REASON FOR NEEDING TO LEAVE

When it’s time to end the conversation, provide a reason for needing to leave. For example you might say “It’s almost time for the keynote address” or “I have an appointment that I need to get to.”

Giving a reason gives the impression that you’d love to keep talking, but you really can’t.

STEP 2: EXPRESS APPRECIATION

After giving your reason, make sure that you express appreciation for the discussion. Saying “It was so nice to meet you” or “I’m so glad I bumped into you today!” will show that you enjoyed the new connection.

STEP 3: POSITIVE REFLECTION

You’ll also want to make a positive comment about something that you’ve discussed. This is another way to confirm that you’ve been actively listening to the conversation. For example, you might say something like “Good luck with your meeting next week! I can’t wait to hear how it goes.”

STEP 4: EXCHANGE INFORMATION (OPTIONAL)

Sometimes you meet someone that you enjoy talking to, but don’t really plan to see again. But often you’ll want to see a new person again so it’s important to make that possible.

Make sure that you share your business card and exchange information. Always keep business cards with you so that you can have a way to quickly exchange information.

STEP 5: SUGGEST A FUTURE MEETING (OPTIONAL)

If you want to see someone again, go ahead and suggest getting together in the future. You might say, “I’d love to meet up again and continue this discussion next week.” This keeps the door open for future connections.

A GOOD LAST IMPRESSION

We spend a lot of time talking about making a good first impression. But your last impression is almost as important. When you leave someone you want it to be a positive experience that leaves the door open for a developing relationship.

Don’t put in great effort to provide a great first impression, and then abruptly end a conversation in a negative way. Instead, leave someone feeling that they mattered, that they’re interesting to you, and that you want to know more.

Chapter 10

WRAP UP: FOLLOWING UP ON A CONVERSATION TO DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS

Making a great impression with someone new is a critical task when you’re networking. But it’s not enough to have an initial contact if you want to create a network of people from which you can truly benefit personally and professionally.

Following up is a key practice that can make or break your efforts. After the initial conversation, you can follow up in order to develop a true relationship.

TAKE NOTES

When you’re meeting a lot of new people, it can be hard to keep the details straight. It helps to take notes right away so that you don’t have to commit details to memory.

When you have a conversation with someone and get their card, take a moment or two to write a few notes on the back to refresh your memory later. If you don’t get a card, enter contact information into your phone or write it on a notepad along with a few details.

Later you can go back to these notes and they’ll help you as you make future contacts and establish deeper relationships.

TAKE THE FIRST STEP

Don’t wait for someone else to contact you if you’re interested in creating a stronger connection. You can make a quick follow-up phone call or even an email.

DON’T WAIT TOO LONG TO FOLLOW UP

If you wait weeks or months the other person may have forgotten who you are. Make sure you follow up within a week of the first meeting.

Don’t wait until you need something to make that first contact. You don’t want to come across as someone who’s only interested in what’s in it for you.

GIVE REMINDERS

When you reach out to contact someone you met briefly, make sure to remind them of when and where you met. They may have met a hundred new people in a week and need something specific to refresh their memory.