Akash Karia: Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

THE FINE ART OF SMALL TALK

THE PEOPLE SKILLS & COMMUNICATION SKILLS YOU NEED TO TALK TO ANYONE & BE INSTANTLY LIKEABLE!

AKASH KARIA

© All rights reserved.

Akash Karia

#1 Bestselling Author of “How Successful People Think Differently”

TABLE OF CONETNS

Chapter One

CREATING A STELLAR FIRST IMPRESSION WITH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

Chapter Two

BREAKING THROUGH FEAR AND BREAKING THE ICE

Chapter Three

SEAL A MEMORABLE VERBAL IMPRESSION IN 30 SECONDS

Chapter Four

BECOME AN ACTIVE LISTENER

Chapter Five

MAKE YOUR PERSONALITY SHINE

Chapter Six

GOING FROM INTRODUCTION TO INTIMACY

Chapter Seven

KEEP YOUR CONVERSATION ALIVE

Chapter Eight

AVOID STOPPING A CONVERSATION COLD

Chapter Nine

HOW TO END THE CONVERSATION POSITIVELY

Chapter Ten

WRAP UP: FOLLOWING UP ON A CONVERSATION TO DEVELOP RELATIONSHIPS

Chapter 1

CREATING A STELLAR FIRST IMPRESSION WITH NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION

How quickly do you make judgments about people?

We’d like to think that we don’t judge people until we get to know them. But the truth is it only takes a tenth of a second to make an accurate judgment about someone you meet or see.

Research shows that this is true. In 2005, a study conducted by Alex Todorov, a psychologist at Princeton University, along with his student research assistant Janine Willis, proved this. During the study, participants were asked to watch a short video – less than a second – of political candidates. They were then asked to predict who would win the election. What’s so interesting is that with just that tiny exposure to video, the participants made correct predictions 70% of the time.

What does that mean? It means that most of us make instant judgments that have a real impact over time.

As a speaker, you need to be able to create a great first impression – within a tenth of a second. How do you do that? I have five surefire techniques that will help you to do just that.

TECHNIQUE #1: MAKE A CONSCIOUS CHOICE TO BE ENTHUSIASTIC

Whether you realize it or not, people can immediately pick up on your energy. When you go into any type of interaction – a job interview or even a social party – people will quickly know how you’re feeling internally.

If you feel nervous, that energy will permeate the room and everyone will know it. If you feel angry, you can turn people off immediately as they sense your negative energy. Even if you try to mask it, you’ll be sending out energy waves that can’t be hidden.

This is one way that people develop a gut feeling about you – they pick up on your energy. And most people are very good at picking up on this whether they know it or not. That makes it important for you to go into any interaction by setting the right intention beforehand.

So, what is the right intention?

As an introvert myself, I’ve found that the best way to approach any interaction and achieve maximum success is to do it with ENTHUSIASM. That means making a conscious decision to be enthusiastic instead of anxious.

But can you really control your energy that well?

In fact, it is possible to create feelings of happiness and enthusiasm. Two different studies conducted by Yuna L. Ferguson, a researcher at Knox College, and Kennon M. Sheldon, a researcher at the University of Missouri, found that it’s possible to change your own mood.

Researchers asked two groups of participants to listen to music that is considered “happy.” One group was told to try to avoid relaxing and improving their moods while the other group was told to consciously work toward feeling happier. Other groups were asked to do the same thing without the happy music.

In the end, the group that was the happiest was the one that both listened to happy music and focused on trying to feel happy as well.

What that means for you is that you can make a conscious decision to be happy and you can also make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. We have much more control over our emotions and energy than you might think!

What’s the reward for going into an interaction with enthusiasm? People will see you as open and positive and they’ll respond well to you. But when you lead with nervous and anxious energy, you tend to close yourself off to others.

So here’s what I encourage you to do: Make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. By doing so, your body language will naturally mirror that emotion. You’ll exude positive, friendly, and warm energy that will draw people to you and help them to see you in a positive light.

Try This:

Before you go to your next social gathering, make a conscious decision to be enthusiastic. It will help to think of the excitement of making new friends or the taste of the delicious party food (you can focus on anything positive about the event).

You might even want to try snapping your fingers to “snap” yourself out of anxiety. This helps to break up nervous energy and allows you to refocus on becoming enthusiastic instead.

Exercise is another way to help use up nervous energy and promote a more relaxed, but enthusiastic energy. Before a big event try going for a ten-minute walk or jog – or even do a few jumping jacks.

TECHNIQUE #2: BE AWARE OF YOUR POSTURE

How you hold yourself says a lot about how you feel – even though this may be an unconscious message. What is your body language saying about you?

When you’re preparing to go into any interaction, it’s important to be aware of your body language and make sure that it’s sending the message you want it to send.

Take a moment and write down the characteristics you want people to associate with you as soon as they see you. Write down at least five characteristics. Some examples include:

confident

open

enthusiastic

bold

strong

comfortable in your own skin

Next, I want you to think of someone who embodies these characteristics. Who comes to mind?

Once you have a particular person in your mind, visualize him or her. How does he or she stand? What do you notice about his or her movement? What type of posture are you envisioning?

Now, take on that same posture. Are your shoulders pointed up or slumped down? Is your back straight or bent over? Notice all the adjustments you have to make in order to exhibit the same posture.

Once you’ve achieved a similar posture, pay attention to how it feels. This is the posture that you want to have when you go into any interaction.

According to social psychologist and Harvard faculty member Amy Cuddy (www.AkashKaria.com/Amy), your body language not only affects how people see you but also how you see yourself. Her research has shown that when you stand in a high-confidence posture, your confidence levels also increase.

At the same time, when you’re standing confidently with your shoulders back, spine straight, chest out, and fleet planted firmly shoulder-width apart, you also have a decrease in the levels of the hormone cortisol.