Akash Karia: Small Talk Hacks: The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

Cortisol is a hormone produced when you’re experiencing stress. So simply standing confidently actually reduces your physical stress levels. The inverse is also true. When you stand in a low-confidence posture with your head down and shoulders slumped forward, your cortisol level actually increases.

This is very powerful research. It reveals that body language actually has an effect not only in the way people perceive you but also in your physical stress levels and the way you see yourself.

Try This:

Before going to your next event, stand in a high-confidence posture for at least two minutes. Your head should be held high, your shoulders back, and your chest out. Remember to emulate the posture of the confident person you admire and carry yourself that way the entire time.

TECHNIQUE #3: SMILE

When you’re in a positive mood, people will naturally be attracted to you. People love being around someone who puts them in a good mood, too.

What’s the quickest way to help others feel positive?

Simple. It’s to make them smile. And how do you do that? All you have to do is smile at them. In fact, a British research study found that providing one smile to another person can make them feel as good as the stimulation that would come from eating 2,000 chocolate bars at once – only without the stomachache or weight gain!

A couple of studies from Uppsala University in Sweden also bring this point home. Studies conducted in both 2002 and 2011 show that when someone smiles at you, you actually let go of the control you normally have on the muscles in your face.

In other words, you feel compelled to smile when someone smiles at you. Furthermore, the research shows that when someone is smiling at you it’s very difficult to frown. Scientists hypothesize that smiling is contagious because it’s good for the evolution of the human species.

The same thing happens over and over again, even if you’re looking at a stranger that you never plan to see again.

Given that you’ve already made a conscious decision to be enthusiastic, smiling shouldn’t be that difficult. When you smile, the whole world smiles with you!

Try This:

The next time you go to a social or business function, test this theory out. Walk up to someone you don’t know, give your best smile, and introduce yourself. Watch to see how the person reacts – it’s almost a given that he or she will return your smile.

TECHNIQUE #4: EYE CONTACT

One of the most important ways that we connect with people socially is through eye contact. And eye contact itself can give many different impressions. For example, some eye contact can be aggressive while other forms of it are welcoming.

Eye contact seems simple, but it can be difficult to perfect. How do you improve something that seems so automatic? And why is it so important?

Eye contact is one way that we make social connections with other people. It lets someone know that you’re listening and that you’re interested in them. When you give eye contact for too long, it can seem aggressive. But when you don’t give enough eye contact, you can seem disinterested.

Eye contact is so powerful that it can even make people fall in love with you! A study conducted in 1989 and published by the Journal of Research in Personality found that there’s a major connection between eye contact and passion.

In the study, strangers of the opposite sex were asked to gaze into each other’s eyes for two minutes. In some of those interactions, that small two-minute time frame was enough for the couple to start feeling passionate feelings towards each other.

Eye contact is a large part of the process of falling in love and showing affection for one another. When you gaze into a partner’s eyes, his or her body begins to produce phenylethylamine – a chemical that’s associated with falling in love.

Now, our aim isn’t to make people fall in love with you (I think!) – just to get them to like you. You probably won’t need to gaze into someone else’s eyes for two minutes. But you may want to pay attention to the way that you make eye contact.

Ask friends, colleagues, and even family members what they think about your eye contact. They may be able to tell what they think right away, or they may need a little time to observe and report back to you.

If there aren’t any problems with your eye contact, you can relax. But you may get feedback about needing to have more or less eye contact. In that case, it will take some practice to make needed changes.

Try This:

If you struggle with making eye contact when you meet someone new, try turning it into a little game. Challenge yourself to pay attention to their eye color.

By focusing on the color, you’ll automatically make better eye contact. Eventually this game will turn into a habit and you won’t have to think about it consciously anymore.

TECHNIQUE #5: DRESS TO IMPRESS

When you’re getting ready for an interaction, how much do you think about the way you dress? Whether or not you think about it, others will be quick to judge you by what you’re wearing. You might be surprised by how important the way you dress really is.

In one research study, more than 300 participants were asked to look at photos of a man and a woman for three seconds. After that quick peek, they were asked to make a judgment about them.

In the case of the male photos, a man in one image was wearing a tailored suit while another man was wearing one off the rack. They were very similar in color and style, and the faces of the men in the photos were blurred so that their expressions didn’t figure into the judgments.

Overall, the man who wore the tailored suit received much more favorable comments than the one in a suit off the rack.

But the interesting thing is that no one commented on his clothing at all. Instead, they commented on character traits, saying that he was more successful and more confident or that he was even more flexible.

So what you wear is an expression of your character and is being judged whether you’re conscious of it or not.

Does this mean you should always wear a tailored suit? Of course not! But what it does mean is that you need to put thought into what you’re wearing and dress properly for every occasion. Some keys for dressing to impress include:

Make sure your clothes fit you well – it’s very inexpensive to have a tailor alter your clothing to fit you well.

Wear high-quality fabric.

Make sure that clothing is pressed when appropriate.

Put effort into grooming yourself.

Doing this will help you to come across as more polished and more charismatic. You’ll also feel more confident and that will put you in the right mindset to light up the room!

Try This:

Go to the tailor and get your clothes adjusted to fit you just perfectly! Clothing that you buy off the rack has been designed to fit many different body types. A tailor can take in sleeves or waistbands that are too big and give you the perfect fit.

Chapter 2

BREAKING THROUGH FEAR AND BREAKING THE ICE

One of the hardest parts of getting to know someone new is that crucial moment when you have to break the ice. It can be incredibly difficult to walk up to a total stranger and get acquainted.

I tend to be an introvert, but I’ve overcome a lot of my fears by implementing the techniques I’m sharing with you in this chapter. After reading this you’ll know exactly how to approach a stranger with ease and how you can move past your fears of putting yourself out there with someone new.