Akash Karia - Small Talk Hacks - The People Skills & Communication Skills You Need to Talk to Anyone and be Instantly Likeable

If you’re nervous about striking up a conversation with a complete stranger, it can help to have some tried-and-true methods for breaking the ice.

TECHNIQUE #1: USE YOUR SURROUNDINGS

One of the easiest ways to broach a new conversation is to use your surroundings. After all, you’re both in the same place – so that’s one thing you instantly have in common!

Whether you’re at a cocktail party, a conference, or a tourist location in a new city, you can use your location as a conversation starter. For example, you can ask: “Is this your first year to attend this conference? What have you liked about it so far?”

Or if you’d like to use the city you’re in, you can say something like: “Are you from here?” And if they are, “What restaurants do you recommend nearby?” If they’re not, you can start building a relationship by asking questions such as “Where are you from?” and “What’s it like there?”

Basically you want to ask questions to engage someone about a topic that’s easy and familiar. Then you can transition into a deeper conversation later if you desire.

Try This:

The next time you’re at an event, learn a few facts about the event, location, or space – even write them down to help you remember them. This will give you a great jumping-off point for talking to someone new.

TECHNIQUE #2: CAPITALIZE ON CURRENT EVENTS

Before you attend any major event where you know you want to network, make sure that you spend some time catching up on current events. That can mean watching a cable news station or perusing the newspaper for a little while.

This especially works well if there’s a major event in the news – it’s what everyone is thinking about anyway. People love to discuss the headlines. But you want to make sure before you bring up current events that you have at least a little information about it to keep the conversation going.

Try This:

Make it a daily habit to know the major headlines going on in the world. Take a few minutes to peruse the front page of the newspaper, check out an online news site, or watch a major cable news station.

Personally, I subscribe to Business Insider’s free email newsletters. The two that I enjoy most are Business Insider Select (“What you need to know every day”) and Breaking News (“Get real-time alerts on major news events”). These two newsletters give me bite-sized chunks of the most important news of the day. You can sign up for free here: http://bit.ly/BusinessInsiderNewsletters.

If you get in the habit of keeping updated with the happenings in your area and around the world, you’ll always have something interesting to discuss.

TECHNIQUE #3: ASK GREAT QUESTIONS AND LISTEN FOR ANSWERS

How do you feel when someone asks you questions and then really takes the time to listen? For me, it feels wonderful to have someone really interested.

Asking open-ended questions is a simple way to break the ice. And then after you ask, you need to really listen to the answer you receive. A lot of people are good at asking questions, but tune out when the person answers.

Side note: A close-ended question is one that limits the possible answers to “yes” and “no.” An example of a close-ended question is “Did you eat?” Here, the person could answer “Yes” or “No” and that would be the end.

An open-ended question, however, requires the speaker to expound and explain. An example of an open-ended question is “How was the food?” Here, the speaker has more room to talk and can say, “The chicken was delicious, but the pasta was...”

While close-ended questions are a natural part of a conversation, aim for more open-ended questions if you really want to engage your partner in the conversation.

After you ask a question pause and listen for the answers. Don’t spend your time trying to think of what to say next. Instead, make good eye contact and really listen to what the other person is saying.

Believe it or not, it’s uncommon to come across someone who really listens, and doing this will make you both memorable and easy to talk to.

Try This:

Ask a friend to rate your listening skills. If they need some work, spend more time in your relationships trying to really listen. This will help you get into a better habit of listening that will carry over when you meet new people.

TECHNIQUE #4: JUST SAY HELLO

What’s the simplest way to break the ice? It’s to just introduce yourself and say hello!

You don’t always need to come up with a complicated way to approach someone. Sometimes just saying, “Hello! My name is (insert your name),” is enough. This is a very casual and easy way to make introductions.

It will usually be followed by someone reciprocating by sharing their name and saying hello. It may sound too simple, but it really does work.

Try This:

Start saying hello to all kinds of people – even people you’re just passing. Make a little eye contact and say hi. Most people find this to be a friendly thing to do and will respond in kind. If they don’t, don’t take it personally.

TECHNIQUE #5: GIVE SINCERE COMPLIMENTS

Compliments are always a nice way to start a conversation, but it’s important that you’re sincere when you compliment someone. For example, if you’re approaching a speaker from a conference you can say, “I really enjoyed your talk this morning. It really opened up my mind to some new ideas.”

Don’t say this if you really disliked the talk! It’s always obvious to someone else when you’re being insincere. You can try and fake it, but your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions will give it away. Even if you’re a good “faker,” people will get a gut feeling that you’re being insincere.

So what do you do if you don’t have anything specific to compliment? In the case of the speaker whose talk you didn’t really love, you could say, “Thank you so much for your talk this morning – I really appreciate the time you took out of your busy schedule.”

If there’s absolutely nothing you can compliment with sincerity, it’s best to choose a different technique.

Try This:

When you go through your daily interactions, look for ways to compliment people. This is a good practice with the people you already know as well as new people you approach.

TECHNIQUE #6: SOLICIT AN OPINION

How great is it when someone wants to know what you think of a particular topic? I love it when someone seems to want my take on a subject.

You can break the ice by asking someone you want to talk to their opinion on a particular subject. For example, one of the questions I use to break the ice at parties is “So, what do you think of the party?” This gets the other person talking, and pretty soon the conversation takes a turns into different, tangential topics (e.g., “Yeah, actually, if you liked the lobster ravioli here, you should try out this great place called Seafood and Friends on Central Park! Have you been there before?”).

If you’re at a business-networking event, you could seek an opinion about any hot topic in your particular industry. It’s great to ask about trends and major shifts in the industry. You can say something like, “What do you think about the changes with ABC association?”

Or if you have a particular project or product on which you’re working, you can ask, “Would you mind taking a look at this and letting me know what you think?”

Most people are flattered to have someone else ask about their opinion. In some cases you’ll come across someone who truly doesn’t have time to peruse your product, but that’s not something to take personally. They’ll remember that you asked.