Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

childhood. So if suddenly a lot of tears come up, don’t think, “Oh, now I have to be alone to deal with

my old feelings” (see “golden rules” in chapter 9). No, it is the genital connection that is triggering

the release of old feelings, so just stay together inside each other. Or if suddenly anger pops up,

which can easily happen, you can simply explain, “I’m just really angry, I have to move this energy.”

Then you disconnect and quickly do something physical, like jumping up and down, to burn up the

anger. As soon as you feel the wave of anger has passed, climb back into bed and continue making

love. Through a polarity exchange, purification is happening on both sides, and it changes your whole

experience and sense of yourselves as man and woman.

Self-Healing

We talk more frequently about the abuse of women, because they do suffer more abuse, but many men,

too, are carrying a history of pain, insecurity, and self- or other-inflicted abuse in their bodies, so it is

important to understand that sexual healing is not only for woman. It really is a self-healing that

happens through awareness and channeling and directing energy in a constructive way. After a time

any pains will usually disappear.

Sometimes you might lie in bed and just cry and cry, perhaps not only for yourself, but for all of

humanity. If you allow yourself to be washed through, you will experience how much it empowers

you to feel the pain of humanity flowing through you. So avoid trying to understand what’s going on;

just accept it with gratitude.

When we first met we spent days and days, three weeks crying. I (Michael) don’t know what or

why, except that it was just wonderful. It felt like very old pain, and at the same time was exquisitely

beautiful.

Communicate, Share, Express

As you make love in this way you communicate all of what’s happening—strange feelings, numbness,

beautiful sensations—in simple words. Do not try to explain anything; just acknowledging is enough.

Sometimes when tension is released there is laughter. So whether it is tears, laughter, shivering,

shaking, or sweating, simply allow it and be with it. These are all signs of the body purifying and

detoxifying the cells of past memories.

POSITIONS SUITABLE FOR DEEP, SUSTAINED PENETRATION

Since the painful places can be anywhere in the entire vagina and cervix area, there is quite a lot of

room to explore, and many angles can be used. A variety of positions are suitable, as suggested in the

diagrams (see figures 8.1–8.7). However, even subtle shifts of the penis in the vagina, moving one

centimeter and staying there, represent a shift in position. You do not have to always move your entire

body, but instead reach to different parts of the vagina through subtle shifts in the angle of the pelvis.

Positions are covered in more depth in chapter 7, where the basic guideline is that positions per se

are not as significant as the level of awareness that a person brings to them. Any position is perfect

when it feels right.

Fig. 8.1. Middle position, man kneeling (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)

Fig. 8.2. Middle position, man on hands and knees (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)

Fig. 8.3. Middle position, man lying forward, half kneeling (with pillow to raise woman’s pelvis)

Fig. 8.4. Rear position with man kneeling

Fig. 8.5. Rear position with man lying on top of woman

Fig. 8.6. Woman sitting on top

Fig. 8.7. Woman kneeling on top

PARTNERING WITH WOMEN

If woman has the garden of love, then we men are the “gardeners of love.” We have to take care,

remove the weeds, and plant roses. When man becomes rooted in his penis as a positive force, he

experiences true male authority with the capacity to heal woman of her past. Sex can be lived as a

spiritual, loving meditative force, becoming the roots of powerful self-healing and transformation.

On the surface it may appear as if man has to tune into woman and do it her way, or that tantra is

for women and not for men, but the issue extends to deeper levels. In making love from the inner

dimension, man will discover his true male authority. He will certainly feel a new authority or

competence when he is able to open the heart of woman with his penis. Allowing woman to be the

guide may be unexpectedly fulfilling. Yes, after thousands of years it does seem intelligent to make a

change, and to realize that it is for male empowerment in the long term. If we want to have more love

in our lives, make love to women, and have women want to make love to us, we have to allow

women to help us to find our true inner man.

Easy, Natural Orgasms

Often woman say, “I don’t really feel that I lose energy with the conventional orgasm. How does this

fit into the picture?” The approach to take regarding orgasm is not to take an approach. You don’t

want to go looking for orgasm, hunting or pushing for it. But when an orgasm happens easily and

naturally, with no effort, then it is beautiful. So first a woman really has to observe and ask herself,

“Am I relaxing into the moment or am I pursuing—even a little bit—orgasm?” In general, if woman

allows the clitoris to be more passive and fade into the background, she will find it easier to take her

awareness higher up into the vagina where her divine energies are accessed.

Woman’s Healing Contribution

Basically women, as the receptive element, are very vulnerable; their one and only defense is to deny

man entry. Women’s no to sex can be a reflection of a painful personal or collective history, but in

either case it’s a by-product of our cultural lack of sexual information. So what a woman can do for

this healing process is to start to say yes to man when he is committed to being conscious inside her.

Woman can begin to allow him in so that healing can begin. She can step beyond sexual politics and

invite the male force inside of her. Through this a tremendous amount of healing is possible for both

woman and man.

Over the centuries sex and love have become two separate things entirely. Much too often sex has