Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

anywhere—just inside the entrance of the vagina, along the walls, or in the upper regions, the “garden

of love.” Woman will help you to identify these places. We suggest you maintain soft eye contact as

described in chapter 7. Open eyes help to keep you present and available, and subtle reactions and

responses expressed in her eyes can sometimes give you information about what is happening

internally.

Usually pain is something we avoid; we do not like to touch sensitive areas, naturally, because

doing so is painful. But now we are intentionally looking for them. Pain or lack of sensitivity

(deadness) indicates held tension and memories in the vaginal tissues. By going in there very

consciously, with great awareness, it’s possible to contact these areas with the penis. Woman will

usually allow this because you do not push into the pain, you just want to gently contact the pain. You

make a “porous” contact with the area. You don’t want to push hard against the vaginal walls,

because that would reinforce woman’s protective instinct. You find a sensitive area, and then you pull

back a hairsbreadth—more like a withdrawal of intention. This creates space for an interaction of

energies, so that things can shift. You just stay there without moving; you sustain the contact in the

depths. Your woman can use simple words to communicate what is happening, and you can do the

same. This begins a journey of discovery over a period of time, touching all sides of the vagina, the

entire canal, seeking out those areas we usually avoid.

If a woman has pain at the very entrance of the vagina, you can just place the head of your penis

there and let it rest. Often penetration becomes very painful when women go through menopause, and

this approach relaxes the tension. If the movement of the penis in the vagina has a burning sensation

for a woman, it can mean that the entry is too fast. Ask your woman if she feels any burning. If she

does, stop, withdraw half an inch or so, and wait for a little while to enable the vaginal tissues to

soften and relax. Then move again, very slowly, and stop as soon as your woman again reports

burning sensations. At times an additional, generous application of oil to the head of the penis and to

the vaginal lips and opening will counteract any burning sensations.

Some women experience painful penetration throughout their sexual lives. Recently a woman in our

group had a pain-free penetration for the very first time in her life, after forty years of every sexual

experience being painful. Just the head of the penis can do so much healing, so try this healing

approach any time you wish. Let it be a new orientation. Pain is interesting; it is a doorway, and there

is usually treasure hidden behind that pain.

Loss of Erection

When you find painful areas and stay in contact with them, you might suddenly start to lose your

erection. Usually when this happens we will try to get the erection back as fast as possible, but now

in this new situation we understand that this is the way the penis does the job. When the penis has

done its job, it is going to be relaxed, naturally. Like everything in life, there is an active phase and a

passive phase, but in sex we want an active erection all the time, 100 percent.

If you accept this relaxation of the penis from time to time and do not interfere with its withdrawal,

you allow your penis the opportunity to regenerate. Often, just as the penis is about to slip out of the

vagina entirely, it will again begin reaching out, spiraling upward and erecting in the vagina (see

chapter 6). Soon you may get the feeling that the genitals themselves are making love and that actually

they know how to do it better. It is almost like handing the intelligence back to the body, and it is such

a remarkable experience that you can almost lean back and watch the show.

Trust Your Penis

The experience of my penis responding of its own accord gives me a trust in myself, because

basically we men do not trust our penises; they are not completely reliable. But when I know that this

is going to be the process, then I can trust my penis, and that gives me trust in myself as a man. I no

longer feel I need to be strong or ambitious, need to prove this and that. My definition of man has

changed. The only thing that is required from me, as man, is to be present, to develop the capacity to

be here now. Then miracles are possible.

When there is erection, you enter as far as you can go and sustain the penetration; you stay where

you are. We call this deepening polarity through deep, sustained penetration, because as the woman

gets more receptive, man gets more dynamic, and the potential between male and female poles

increases. In general in your life, as a style of lovemaking, you begin to “hang out” deep in the vagina,

allowing the dynamic and receptive forces to start to play with each other. Here woman is “minus”

while man is “plus,” and any obstructions (tensions) lying in the way of this moving magnetic force

are displaced so that healing, purification, and regeneration can take place.

The effects of deep, sustained penetration also work with and through condoms; the energy

exchange is relatively unaffected (see more about condoms in chapter 6).

Effectiveness and Penis Length

Some men worry that the penis may not be long enough to reach all the way up to the “garden of

love.” Both women and men have reported to us that the cervix also seems to be drawn downward as

it reaches for the head of the penis. Always remind yourself that these are energetic phenomena, not

purely physical, and the energy exchange works in any case. Even with a soft, relaxed penis that

remains still within the first couple of inches of the vagina, purification and healing is taking place.

Unexpected Ejaculation

During deep, sustained penetration, at times a woman’s buried tensions are suddenly discharged

down the vagina, almost like a rush or wave of excitement. This can easily cause a man to ejaculate

instantly, without any warning. Should it happen, do not feel something went wrong—it’s a natural

part of the purification process.

ALLOW OLD FEELINGS TO SURFACE

As you make love and pay attention to places in the vagina that are painful or numb, it is likely that for

your partner tears, sadness, or anger may come to the surface. You yourself might experience similar

feelings. This is all good. These feelings are trapped and held in the body, and the old must come out

to create space for the new. Expressing previously unexpressed feelings (see chapter 9) cleanses our

poles, our genitals, and our bodies become more sensitive and sensitized. One becomes increasingly

receptive, the other increasingly dynamic.

Don’t try to figure out what’s happening when old, buried feelings or emotions emerge. Thinking

about what is going on distances you from the experience, so just stay with the feelings and allow

them to flow. Sometimes spontaneous understanding will occur, an insight into the source of the pain,

but not necessarily. Healing takes place in any event.

If uncomfortable feelings start to arise, be aware that it is not the fault of your partner. Your partner

is simply a trigger to help you to retrieve the past. Old feelings stored in the cells are going to rise to

the surface, offering the opportunity to finally express feelings you may have been storing since