Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

focus, often from fear of losing his initial erection response. When a man has to hang around on the

fringes waiting for the woman, he easily loses his erection and may have to wait some time for

another. In reality, a leisurely, extended time frame, even an hour or three, will normally suit woman

very nicely. She is able to tune into her body and relax into herself. If the man takes the time to “be”

with the woman, perhaps to lovingly and softly (as a feather) caress her body into an energetically

expanded state before entering her, he will be amazed by what an awesome experience it is. To

consciously enter and be received by an inviting and absorbing channel changes the entire experience,

which in turn transforms man.

When woman is entered too early, without feeling truly ready to receive, without the feeling of a

total yearning “yes,” her body may begin gradually to close down, interest in sex may dwindle, and

reluctance to have sex may increase. During the initial phases of lovers’ meeting, the woman’s heart

is wide open, so receiving man totally and at any time is not an issue. But sooner or later a woman

will require acknowledgment of her differences if she is to continue enjoying sex well into her later

years. The same is true for man. On an encouraging note, once a man of eighty years attended a

couple’s workshop with his wife of seventy-six; four years later they continue to have genital union as

a daily practice. Their motivation in attending was to have one more adventure in life, and they both

report a vastly improved quality of life; each day is a joy and filled with love.

When man enters a woman before her body is “open,” it is similar to butting his head against a

closed door. You can get only so far, but no further. However, when you have the keys to the door,

you will find it opens easily and often. When man accepts the fact that woman is basically slower

than he and her system requires preparation, then his sexual experiences will begin to transform into

empowering acts of love.

Energy flows from positive to negative. This is the direction of movement, penis into vagina. A

doorway opens, energy moves. When woman is vibrantly receptive, the direct connection between

penis and vagina forms one vital unit. There is a flow and exhange of energy, potency, and life force.

The Diminished Role of the Clitoris in Tantric Sex

The vagina naturally has greater significance (for both men and women) than the clitoris because it is

understood to be the receptacle for man’s dynamic force. Normally the clitoris is considered to be the

saving grace, the sun around which everything revolves, because clitoral stimulation can easily, but

not necessarily, bring woman to orgasm. Clitoral stimulation will intensify excitement, which can, in

fact, have a subtly disturbing effect on the cellular receptivity of the vagina. This tension in turn

disturbs the capacity of woman to accept and receive the dynamic force into her. Clitoral stimulation

elicits sexual desire but causes tension and confusion in the vaginal vibration, and the potential of the

penetration is reduced.

Basic to experiencing higher states is maintaining a lower level of excitement, as introduced in

chapter 2. A cool, nonstimulating approach allows the vagina to remain free of tension, able to

maintain a relaxed, receptive atmosphere. If a woman is able to monitor her own excitement, to relax

into her body rather than work at building up the intensity, she is less likely to inadvertently trigger

man’s ejaculation. Likewise, if man does not attempt to excite his woman, ejaculation can be

postponed and lovemaking can be extended for hours.

A woman can get a bit fixated on her clitoris because of the pleasure and intensity experienced

though these nerve endings. Sometimes it can be challenging to let go of things we know and have

enjoyed. All the same, an elevation of sexual experience requires curiosity and intelligence by both

partners and a willingness to explore the unknown. (See chapter 8 for more about the clitoris.)

Female Sexual Energy is Raised in the Breasts

The big question is now how to knock on heaven’s door. The true way to expand female sexual

energy is to initially shift the emphasis away from the vagina and clitoris toward the breasts, which

signifies a shift from negative pole to positive pole in woman. The breasts are the positive, dynamic

pole from which energy is awakened, the key to accessing the female body. Energy can only be raised

from a positive, dynamic pole and not from a passive, receptive pole. First the breasts need to

become energized and filled with awareness (and this takes time), and then as a result the vagina will

respond and become an invitation. Through merging with her breasts a woman is capable of

experiencing the most profound orgasmic states. The vagina/clitoris, which is the usual starting point

in conventional sex, is—energetically speaking—the passive, receptive pole in the female body. In

truth, the vagina can only become fully alive and energized via the positive and dynamic pole of the

breasts.

When man knows that the breasts are the doorway, the access to woman, his approach can be

simpler and more informed, with less guessing or fiddling around to find the clitoris and get it just

right. Instead, loving attention can be given to the breasts, which doesn’t even require much effort on

man’s part. It is more a matter of “being” in your hands, without any intention or agenda lying behind

the touch. A warm hand that gently embraces and lovingly molds to the breasts is absolutely perfect.

There is no need to stimulate the nipples directly, but only indirectly through simple hand contact or a

feather-light brush once or twice. Some women have hypersensitive nipples, so it’s best to find out

what suits your woman. (See more on breasts and foreplay in chapter 7.)

Ancient tantric wisdom makes it possible to initiate a thrilling journey of self-discovery, the

outcome of which is the true experience of masculinity. This requires a revolutionary reevaluation of

sex and the discovery that the “how” of sex plays a profound role in maintaining an active sex life and

a loving, joyful relationship. The key is to treat woman as complementary and not the same. Any

limitation in the sexual experience of woman inevitably limits the sexual experience of man. If woman

is adversely affected through a lack of orgasmic experiences, then so is man, even if he is not aware

of this.

SHIFT FROM SENSATION TO SENSITIVITY

There is a general requirement to shift away from sensation and excitement toward sensitivity and

nature’s subtle energetic connection. Lovemaking must be reconceived as an interplay of dynamic and

receptive forces that give rise to extraordinary energetic experiences. A shift away from sensation

toward sensitivity imbues man with true male attributes and the ability to be present to his penis. To

give value to, and opportunity for, the male-female connection within the vagina, where the vagina

becomes an embracing sheath that elicits the essential qualities imbued in the penis, supporting man’s

experience of himself as authentic man. A natural biological ecstasy is possible, an exchange that

satisfies every cell in the body and lies beyond the pleasure of ejaculation and fantasy.

The penis has a definite intelligence and innate sensitivity. When the female environment is open,