Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

When a man finally gets together with a woman, he operates on his accumulated past experiences

and guesswork, and hopes for the best. Beneath multiple layers of bravado and performance

frequently lies a sexual insecurity that gnaws away at the depths of his being. Such tension will

exacerbate any other presexual tension, causing the man to perhaps feel out of control, especially

concerning ejaculation.

Correspondence between the Penis and the Vagina

To shift to a higher realm of sexual experience a man has to reevaluate his penis and the way he uses

it inside the vagina. He must use his penis with intelligence, maturity, and vision.

Nature intended the penis to operate as a highly sensitive, perceptive magnetic instrument.

Although the penis and vagina are physical organs, they are designed to communicate on a refined

energy level. The entire penis is a channel, a conduit through which life force moves from man into

woman. Woman receives this force and draws it into herself. The response or communication

between the genitals can first be felt as a vibrant sensation of aliveness on a fine cellular level. When

we are caught up in sexual doing, there is no opportunity to relax and simply be in the body and

experience this subtle vitality. When mechanical movements cease, we can begin to tune in to a finer

level of sensitivity and delicate sensation.

The vagina and penis as equal and opposite forces are designed by nature for a “happening.” When

one fits into the other, man can begin to experience emanations from his penis, like electromagnetic

streamings, that become increasingly ecstatic as they spread throughout the body. By developing an

inner listening to—and with—his penis and genital region, his overall approach to making love will

become more sensitive and conscious.

DEVELOPING SENSITIVITY THROUGH BEING CONSCIOUS

When a man begins to make love with awareness and experiment with stillness, he may be surprised

to notice a relative absence of sensitivity in his penis. Without the familiar stimulation and intensity,

it’s not so easy for him to find a real inner connection to his genital area. Such lack of sensitivity is to

be expected after many years of tense, goal-oriented sex. The good news is that sensitivity will

quickly return to the penis through a relaxed style of lovemaking.

On the eighth and final day of our workshops we usually ask the men, “Does your penis now feel

more sensitive?” Virtually all raise their hands to confirm a dramatic increase in sensitivity. By

reducing the friction movements—the doing—they are able to redirect their attention to an inner

awareness of the penis and its vitality. Even men who have used the penis in another way for forty or

fifty years notice a change in sensitivity and aliveness within just a few days. The body’s regenerative

power under conducive conditions is extraordinary. There exists an intrinsic drive toward purity and

wholeness when the intelligence of the body is embraced.

Using the Imagination

If you lack sensitivity in the penis when there is no movement or stimulation, your creative

imagination can help your body to cooperate with your inner reality. Imagination can be a powerful

tool for awakening an inner, cellular experience. You can take your attention into the penis and

visualize it as a channel for potency, warmth, love, light, gold, or whatever encourages an inner

perception and flow. Energy follows imagination, so by leading the way with visualization, you can

actually begin to experience vitality and sensation.

We know how well the imagination works in sexual fantasy, but in that situation we are imagining

something that doesn’t exist, so we are completely absent and disconnected from what is happening in

the here and now. When imagination is directed toward something that actually exists in the energetic

realm, it has the power to elevate the experience and gradually open man to the inner experience of

his radiant penis.

Bringing Attention from the Head to the Perineum

Generally speaking a man will tend to have most of his attention on the head of the penis, naturally,

because this is where he experiences the most intense pleasure. To begin to shift attention away from

the head of the penis, visualize your penis as a channel for potency, warmth, and love. Imagine that it

is a fountain of light and liquid gold energy, circulating its dynamic force back into your body.

Envision your penis as a channel or conduit, and refocus your attention on the base of your penis, in

the area of the perineum. The perineum, a small, coin-sized area of knotty muscle lying directly in

front of the anus, is virtually the root of the penis and is its energetic source. It is where the muscles

and tissues that form the penis initially emerge from the floor of your pelvis.

When you begin to make love and feel the sexual heat rising, bring your attention to the perineum.

Consciously relax the entire pelvic floor area, including the anus and testicles. When you notice your

attention start to drift—there are, after all, abundant distractions—you may notice that in your absence

the pelvic floor area once again contracts and tightens. Relaxing the anus frequently and maintaining

awareness of the base of the penis will give you an inner feeling of your penis as a complete unit,

rather than a disembodied tool for thrusting. It becomes a divine instrument capable of channeling

subtle energies that flow or stream from the root upward to the radiant head, and beyond into your

receptive partner. Be aware of your breathing and of the subtle sensations deep within your physical

core as your inner rod of magnetism awakens. Notice how the life force rises to caress your heart into

vibrant aliveness. (See the appendix at the back of the book for specific ways to increase sensitivity.)

A HIGHLY SENSITIVE MAGNET

The silky, slippery, smooth, sensitive head of the penis bears testament to its powerful magnetic

properties. The head radiates life force, energy, and potency, which correspond directly with the

receptive, relaxed, inviting vaginal environment. The head of the penis also acts as a catalyst with

profoundly healing properties (see chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority). When the head of

the penis corresponds to its equal and opposite pole, the connection is able to generate states of

ecstasy. Tantra master Barry Long, from Australia, says that a man should attempt to “become” his

penis while making love. Through awareness and presence a man can gradually learn to merge with

his penis, and be his penis.

There is a ruthless emphasis in our culture on the size of a man’s penis when erect, and even when

it is flaccid. Sometimes the two don’t even correlate, since it’s impossible to estimate the erect size

of a penis based on its flaccid state. Convention insists that bigger is better, so a man may have

feelings of shame or insecurity because of his size, which affects his capacity to trust, love, and value

his own penis.

In the tantric approach, sensitivity and capacity of presence are more important than size and