Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

movement of the penis in the vagina is forward and backward thrusts, a linear movement. But

movements can also be made in a more expansive three-dimensional way, reaching into different

angles of the vaginal canal (as described later, in chapter 8 within the context of sexual healing and

male empowerment).

Movements made with the intention of creating pleasure and excitement will tend to become

mechanical, and when we become like machines, we lose awareness and sensitivity. With the focus

on stimulation, our awareness of what is taking place in the body on a more subtle level tends to

diminish. Our attention or focus is more on building up intensity, rather than on taking delight in each

of the individual movements taking place.

Usually, a woman will push her genitals forward (using her pelvis) at the very same moment the

man thrusts or moves into her. Physically speaking, just from the mechanics of the musculature, the

vagina becomes narrower and tighter during a forward push. This tightening results in the vagina

being less receptive in this phase of the movement. As a consequence, woman is not truly available to

the dynamic force entering her body.

Another option is to let man do the moving, while woman holds still. Instead of woman pushing

forward to meet man’s movement, she tilts her pelvis upward at an angle and remains still. In this

nonmoving position a woman is able to put all her attention into her vagina—into the receiving,

absorbing, and welcoming of the penis into her body. A pillow can be placed beneath the buttocks in

order to raise the level of the pelvis, if so desired. Man will perceive his conscious movement in

woman far more deeply if she is able to fulfill her part of the design, which is to act as receptor for

the dynamic force.

The Difference between Lust and Passion

When the dynamic and receptive forces in our bodies are honored, we become more present and

naturally more passionate. Passion is pure presence, aliveness, and spontaneity. In passion there can

also be strong movements that might look the same as the movements of conventional sex from the

outside, but the inner experience is vastly different. The movements contain an inner stillness because

they belong to the domain of the here and now; there is no direction, no goal, and no agenda. Nothing

is planned or expected. Instead, each individual is engaged, with full awareness merged into the

unfolding of each and every millimeter of movement. Each millisecond of any movement is a

completion in itself.

In contrast, when movement contains lust, there is a tendency to be ahead of oneself, slightly

mechnical, with the movements being focused on building up to a crescendo. The individual

movements are not independent or complete in themselves. When lust drives the lovemaking,

frustration and disappointment are likely to follow a sudden interruption because something desired

was not reached or achieved. The act is incomplete because the goal was not fulfilled. By contrast,

when passion is unexpectedly interrupted, everything is simply perfect as it is. Each second has been

utterly complete in itself, so there is simply no sense of any loss at all. In fact, passionate sex can be

resumed at any moment, while in lustful sex there will usually be a sense of deflation and loss of

interest because the heat and excitement will have gone out of the situation.

THE ART OF CONSCIOUS PENETRATION

When erection is present it is recommended that the very first movement into the vagina be

exceptionally conscious. The first move sets the stage for what is to follow. The penis should enter

the vagina slowly, millimeter by millimeter. A number of positions are possible, the most direct and

easy being the missionary position, with woman lying on her back and man kneeling between her legs.

The head of the penis can enter the vagina and gradually open it along its entire length, gently probing

slowly but surely up the canal. Resting from time to time allows you to take in the view, which means

feeling in and down into your body and especially into your penis. A single movement can easily be

extended to many minutes, or an entire lovemaking session of several hours can be one divine

immersion in woman’s body. These experiences can change your life and your whole view of sex.

The problem with an entry by the penis that is fast or aggressive and lacking in awareness is that

woman (unconsciously or consciously) closes her vagina to protect herself from possible intense

pain. The upper vagina tightens to prevent the penis from thrusting into the very delicate and sensitive

cervix—the entrance to the womb. When woman is hit here it really hurts. Such naturally defensive

contractions, both physical and psychological, definitely influence woman’s receptivity and capacity

to absorb, which means she is no longer feminine in relation to man. With conscious, slow

penetration, woman has the chance to invite, welcome, and caress each millimeter of the probing

penis.

There is a distinction between being careful and being conscious. One is not being “careful” in

relation to woman; carefulness implies a certain tension, a holding back, a fear of hurting the other,

which is more an attitude lacking in self-awareness. With carefulness, one’s attention is externally

focused on the other and not on the self. We are up and out, and have left home, so to speak. When one

is conscious, one is self-aware and automatically acts with care as a by-product of that awareness,

rather than as an intention to “be careful.” When a man is conscious, he also becomes more confident.

Awareness, Slowness, and Sensitivity

The greatest advantage of awareness, of being conscious during penetration, is that you can feel

“into” the penis on a cellular level. Finally you have the time and there is nowhere to go (toward

ejaculation), so you can instead focus your attention inside the penis itself. Listening to the penis and

becoming aware of its gradual movement greatly increases its sensitivity and allows the perception of

inner, fine, cellular, delicate, delightful sensations that expand throughout the body. An unhurried,

aimless, no goals approach is vital to making this possible.

Ecstatic, thrilling, touching experiences occur through a correspondence of opposites. In fitting

snugly together with sustained contact, penis and vagina respond to each other according to an innate

intelligence. The penis is a powerful instrument able to generate divine states of ecstasy when

arriving in its truly complementary environment.

Deep, Sustained Penetration

As a general orientation, when there is erection and the possibility of gradual, sensitive penetration,

the penetration should be sustained in the depths of the vagina. (This subject is also dealt with in

chapter 8 on sexual healing and male authority. Both chapters should be read in order to grasp the full

implications of remaining deep inside woman.) This means that when you eventually arrive (after the

minutes given to the first journey down the canal), you remain with the penis inside, resting in the

depths, and do not immediately withdraw in order to repeat the movement. Instead, take the time to

intentionally bring your entire awareness into the penis and “be” your penis, attempting to sense the

tissues from within, to merge and melt with them. You do not force your penis into woman, but you

force your awareness, your point of attention, into your penis, remaining at the same time relaxed and