Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

The first two fingers of one hand (short nails so as not to scratch the vagina) are put behind the

head of the penis and squeezed firmly to get a grip (see fig. 6.3). The same two fingers on the other

hand can stabilize the penis at the base. Woman pulls the head toward the vagina and inserts it in the

entrance. Fingers are moved back a few centimeters, then gradually walked step-by-step into the

vagina. At first the head may be as far as it gets, but with practice, it does get perfect. Woman must

avoid looking between her legs during this delicate operation because the tightening of her abdominal

muscles (needed to lift up the head to look) will also tighten the vagina and make penetration difficult,

if not impossible. Looking is fine as you get set up, but then lie back and relax before you initiate the

insertion.

Then move the pelvises together, joining firmly in connection. If by any chance man rolls back

slightly—which pulls the penis out—wedge a flat pillow from behind, under his pelvis/buttocks. The

pillow wedge tilts man’s body forward slightly and stabilizes the position. Pillows can be used for

support wherever needed, for instance, under the calf/knee of man’s upper leg. This also reduces the

weight on woman’s body, as well as giving man a floating feeling. Be sure to get yourselves as

comfortable as possible so that your systems can relax. Small discomforts can be distractions, and

instead of delighting in your inner pleasures, you tune in to your lack of comfort.

Fig. 6.3. Woman’s finger position behind penis head

SPONTANEOUS ERECTION AND IMPOTENCE

Spontaneous erection within the vagina is not something that can be expected or demanded of the

body. It is a by-product of a special constellation of factors, among which are awareness, presence,

relaxation, and love.

Erection Responsibility is Shared

Until now, whether he likes it or not, erection has been considered man’s job, which has been a big

part of his performance pressure. Conventionally, erection usually depends on stimulation and

excitement, and many anxieties or fears about erection can cause a disturbance in the psyche, perhaps

becoming expressed in distorted ways.

As a partnership continues, a man can easily experience a lack of erection because of a lack of

excitement. The woman is known, the situation is known, and the routine is known, so there is nothing

to get him really excited. However, with a new vision of sex we realize that excitement is not

necessarily a basic ingredient of the sexual experience.

Erection is definitely possible without stimulation and excitement when a man begins to trust his

penis. A true erection is an electromagnetic response to the equal and opposite force exerted by the

vagina. From a soft state, the penis can slowly rise as a direct response to the vagina surrounding it.

The female force plays an equal role; through receptivity it starts to “draw” and effectively pulls the

penis into an erection, millimeter by millimeter. The penis unfolds like a slow snake winding upward

in a circular spiraling motion. Erection without stimulation or excitement can also happen when in

close proximity to a woman. The female force exerts an influence on the male force without your

actually being inside her. Men say that it is as if the penis awakens in the atmosphere of love created

through presence and awareness

A spontaneous erection is one that arises out of the moment, due to the polarity between dynamic

and receptive forces and the presence two people bring into the situation. Erections that arise

spontaneously do not require stimulation or fantasy to keep them going; they simply need presence and

awareness. The instant one person’s attention wavers, the penis starts to wind back down, coiling like

a snake. Quickly retrieving one’s presence and releasing distracting thoughts will cause the erection

to grow again. The penis is capable of performing a snake dance within woman—a miraculous

experience for any man.

Lack of Sensitivity

The first few times soft penetration is tried, most men will find that they do not “feel” much in their

penises (as mentioned earlier). This is very common and will change as soon as the penis adjusts to a

new way of being used and perceived by man. This insensitivity is due to a long history of

stimulation, so for it to be a little numb is not really surprising. The way to retrieve sensitivity is to

relax into woman, spend as much time inside her as possible, and take full consciousness down into

your penis. Begin to “be” inside the penis, treat it with love, and gradually sensitivity will return.

Usually the woman is able to feel your penis, even if you cannot perceive it. She is usually very

content with soft penetration and the experience of subtle, ecstatic emanations from the penis. It is a

great support to the man if a woman can communicate what she feels within herself (her inner

sensitivity) out loud in words while making love, particularly in the situation where a man discovers

he is not (yet) able to feel the power residing within his own penis. At the very least, it’s relaxing to

know that woman can feel man, even if he cannot feel himself. And she, as container, is bound to be

more perceptive initially.

Impotence Issues

Impotence—lack of erection—is a deep-seated fear in most men, provoking anxiety at an almost

primal level. Excitement leads to a certain type of erection that is very fragile and requires

stimulation to keep it going. Impotence is no longer an issue when soft entry used. And—surprise,

surprise—erection may take place on its own. The best cure for impotence is to keep putting yourself

in the situation and continue making love with no erection. In time things are highly likely to change as

sensitivity returns.

Several years ago a man with an inherited erectile dysfunction came to our group with his wife. He

had been using penis implants up until this point and was wondering whether to drop the implant and

instead try the way we had been explaining during the group. His success has been incredible. He

does not have full erections now, but enough that it is no longer a problem. He describes his

experience below.

PERSONAL SHARING

From Impotence to Daily Lovemaking

First of all, we bought your new book, Tantric Love—Feeling versus Emotion: Golden Rules to Make Love Easy (the German

edition). My wife read it within three hours. I took more time, but also read it quite quickly. We can confirm all that you

have been saying. Emotions and feelings are too often mixed up, and very few people are aware of this important

difference. (See chapter 9 for more on the distinction between feelings and emotions.)

Last December we attended a workshop for Vipassana meditation. The theme was arrogance; the solution is humility.

The insight and the teaching was: Our minds are constantly using our senses to compare all our perceptions and assess

them as positive/good (I want more), negative/harmful (I want to get rid of it), or equal/good (which is not really

satisfactory either). As long as we constantly compare, we are never relaxed in life and are unable to enjoy a love

relationship with awareness and equanimity.