Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

observing. These are two very different experiences for both parties involved.

At the end of the vagina lies the extremely sensitive cervix; and as already mentioned, it can be

indescribably painful if the penis head aggressively hits this spot, so it is important to arrive here

with sensitivity. When you arrive at the end of the canal or as far as you can go or whenever you have

the feeling that the penis head is pushing into the walls with pressure anywhere along the way, it’s

very important to drop back a hairsbreadth or two. This minute fraction of space removes any

pressure and intention, and creates “breathing room” for the “porous” contact that is required for an

energy exchange. When the push is purely physical and hard, the vaginal cells withdraw and close in

response. When the contact is subtle, gentle, easy, and spacious, the cells are able to relax and open.

Sometimes during penetration the penis will encounter pains held in the vagina, a topic that will be

covered specifically in chapter 8 on sexual healing, along with diagrams of suitable positions for

deep, sustained penetration.

Lubrication—the Secret of Sensual Penetration

A slippery, smooth, silky, slow, sensual penetration simply has to be one of life’s greatest joys, for

both man and woman. Use lubricant without hesitation and with pleasure, and use it every time. Oil

the penis, the vaginal lips, and the entrance. It’s a great part of foreplay, especially when woman does

the oiling. Oil was used by Taoists thousands of years ago and is said to reduce bacteria levels in the

vagina. Use thin, fragrance-free vegetable oil, such as almond oil. It is also suggested that woman

hold her lips/labia open when man is about to enter her. Using both hands, she clears the entrance

from any obstructing skin folds and holds her hands in position for a while. This assistance guarantees

a smooth, pleasurable journey.

Vaginal Dryness

Without high levels of stimulation woman is less likely to become “wet,” which is quite normal.

Also, when women approach menopause and suffer from dryness, penetration can become difficult,

painful, or impossible. With a slow, conscious, oily penis, miracles are possible. Women who have

not been able to make love for years are able to get back into it with ease. Gradually, in time, the

vaginal tissues relax, regenerate, and naturally become more moist.

Condoms

Condoms are sometimes necessary for contraception or health reasons, and are without doubt a layer

between man and his sensitivity. However, according to people who have used them and our own

personal experience, man is capable of feeling the delicate, subtle, electromagnetic exchange through

condoms. The basic sensitivity is not seriously affected or compromised.

If condoms are used, don’t use oil as a lubricant; oil destroys rubber and compromises

contraception. Use only water-based gels, which can be obtained from a pharmacy. This is a good

moment to stress the importance of genital hygiene and daily cleansing of the penis, particularly

underneath the foreskin.

While on the subject of contraception, it is important to acknowledge here that a woman responds

to sexual invitations much more readily if there is no fear of pregnancy. Such fear can definitely

contribute to a woman’s reluctance or lack of availability during her fertile years. If man is willing to

take responsibility for contraception, either in taking care of himself or supporting his woman to take

the appropriate care in the moment and not in theory, he is helping himself enormously. Some men

choose the option of a vasectomy as a solution for contraception, and from time to time we receive

queries asking if vasectomy disturbs male potency. We can say with confidence that vasectomy does

not appear to affect male potency and may even increase potency, in that it allows woman to be more

free with herself. Relieved of concerns about conception, she can be more spontaneous and may also

wish to make love with greater frequency.

Soft Penetration—Entry without Erection

Soft entry is a pure and simple alternative when there is no erection. It completely eliminates the

pressure of having to have an erection in order to have sex. Given the general lack of stimulation, not

having an erection is quite normal and nothing to be concerned about. Soft entry actually bypasses

many erection concerns and issues, and gives us a humble, human way to get our bodies together. The

advantage of a soft start is that both man and woman begin at zero, so to speak, allowing their

temperatures to warm up together. Soft entry is very easy and, with practice, can happen in the flash

of a second. There are two possibilities: man puts his penis inside woman, or woman puts the penis

inside her. We recommend the second option.

Man Initiates Soft Penetration

Man kneels between woman’s open legs, as seen in figure 6.1. Woman can place a flat, firm cushion

underneath her buttocks. The lifted position raises the level of the pelvis and brings the vagina closer

to the penis. Woman holds her labia open, as described earlier, and man introduces the head of the

penis into the entrance of the vagina using his fingers. Push the head in a little bit (be sure your

fingernails are trimmed), move the fingers back a few centimeters, and insert the penis a little further

into the vagina. Step by step, wiggle and walk the penis inside the entrance.

When the penis is in the vagina as far as you can manage (even the head is a good start), remain

kneeling and bring the pelvises together. Or lower yourself down on top of your partner, holding

yourself up with your arms. Or lie forward on your partner and then roll onto your sides, man

remaining between woman’s legs.

Woman Initiates Soft Entry

The easiest and most comfortable position for soft penetration is the side position called scissors,

because of the scissor-like interlacing of the legs. The advantage of the scissors position is that

nobody is on top and nobody is underneath, which is indeed very relaxing. Man is on his side, while

woman is lying on her back with her legs inserted, scissors fashion, between man’s legs. You can stay

in this position for several hours quite easily. From scissors position any number of other positions

can be reached, which will be elaborated on in chapter 7.

Fig. 6.1. This figure shows man in the middle position suitable for soft entry

Fig. 6.2. The scissors position for soft penetration

Bring your legs together, as shown in figure 6.2. The scissors position can be assumed from either

man’s left side or his right side, and it’s a good idea to change sides regularly to avoid getting

habituated (and therefore less alert) to one side only. Woman opens her legs, opens her labia, and

then reaches for the penis, which has been oiled in advance. By now it’s probably not so soft, so the

entering is made even easier.