Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

Since then our love and our sexuality have reached a new dimension. For me it has been a gift. Being able to let go of

goal-oriented male sexuality as my erection was getting weaker has caused our love to grow. Thank you both for this

wonderful experience.

PERSONAL SHARING

My Body Keeps Me Honest

During lovemaking, my body lets me know if I am touching from my heart. I became aware of it when I was lying in bed

with my wife in a close embrace one morning. With my right hand I was touching her skin, which felt warm and soft, and

in contrast I experienced my hand as stiff, wooden, and lifeless. All of a sudden it came into my consciousness: “You are

not touching your woman with your heart.” That’s why my hand felt so dull. When I thought about why this was so, I

realized I felt trapped in my old pattern of not getting enough. The root of this pattern is not love, openness, and trust,

which explains why my hand did not feel loving, trusting, and open. I decided to watch my hand as I shifted my attention

away from the pattern to a deep and relaxed presence toward myself. Very swiftly my sensation of my hand changed. My

hand softened, became alive, and was gently tingling. Immediately the breath was flowing through my hand and became

one with my whole body. My hand was reconnected, and I was again able to touch from the heart. I was aware of the

whole and no longer focused on my pattern. This experience taught me what is most important when touching my wife:

relaxed, loving presence toward myself. So every touch is a delight and a touch of my heart.

Tantric Inspiration

If you can go on growing in this intimacy, which is no more excitement, then the joy will arise: first excitement, then

love, then joy. Joy is the ultimate product, the fulfillment. Excitement is just a beginning, a triggering; it is not the end.

And those who finish at excitement will never know what love is, will never know the mystery of love, will never

know the joy of love. They will know sensations, excitement, passionate fever, but they will never know the grace

that is love. They will never know how beautiful it is to be with a person with no excitement but with silence, with no

words, with no effort to do anything. Just being together, sharing one space, one being, sharing each other, not

thinking of what to do, what to say, where to go, how to enjoy; all those things are gone. The storm is over and there

is silence.

And it is not that you will not make love but it will not be a making really; it will be a love happening. It will

happen out of grace, out of silence, out of rhythm; it will arise from your depths, it will not be bodily really. There is a

sex which is spiritual, which has nothing to do with the body. Although the body partakes in it, participates in it, it is

not the source of it. Then sex takes on the color of Tantra, only then.

OSHO, TRANSCRIBED TEACHINGS,

LET GO!: A DARSHAN DIARY

7

DATES, FOREPLAY, KISSING, AND POSITIONS

MAKE LOVE DATES

Knowing you are going to have sex can really be a big turn-on. Nothing beats looking at your diary

and seeing that from 6 to 9 p.m. tonight you have an appointment with your partner—to make love!

You know that today, for sure, it’s going to happen, which is not generally guaranteed under ordinary

circumstances. How many times does your woman brush you aside before she lets you be close?

Several years ago there was a story about the famous musician, Sting, and although we don’t know

whether or not it’s true, it makes the point about women’s general lack of availability in a humorous

way. According to the story, Sting made a comment to the press about his sex life, making himself

almost as famous for this as for his music. His claim that he had made love for six hours or so caused

an international stir. Some weeks later, or so the story goes, he clarified his statement by explaining

that five of the six hours had consisted of begging.

Initially, setting a fixed time for sex may seem somewhat strange, because we have the idea that sex

ought to be spontaneous—without preparation or premeditation. In fact, sex is rarely truly

spontaneous, but happens more on an accidental or habitual basis. Sexual thoughts accompany man

throughout his every day, but although he makes endless appointments for other things, no time or

space is consciously set aside for the actual act of sex. Real sex (as opposed to virtual sex, which is

increasing at an alarming rate since the advent of the Internet) appears to be low on a man’s list of

priorities. After work, socializing, putting the kids to bed, and watching TV, then perhaps (if he’s not

too tired) sex will happen. Hopefully, but not necessarily.

Attunement and Relaxation

With guaranteed sex on the horizon, you will perhaps observe yourself feeling more positive, present,

and enthusiastic about being alive. You’ll feel more at ease knowing that sex will happen, that your

partner has actually agreed to meet you and make love. The knowing allows you to settle into yourself

in advance, bringing awareness to your body, your legs, perineum, and breath. Inwardly preparing for

sex is an effective form of foreplay.

Set aside three or more hours for lovemaking, if possible. It probably sounds like a lot right now,

but after a bit of experimentation, three hours may turn out to be a bit on the short side. If three-hour

slots are difficult to carve out for yourselves, then settle for one or two hours. Sometimes give

yourself an entire day in bed, with breaks for meals and so on. When lovemaking transpires several

times on the same day, bodily ease deepens to the extent that bodies enter a state of spontaneous

letting-go, undulating, moving, and dancing of their own accord in a divine choreography. In states

such as these, the bodies are unable to stop, so you find yourself making love for hours, totally

absorbed, present to each split second, unaware of the passage of time.

The Tantric Quickie

The tantric quickie is also highly recommended. Soft penetration for ten, fifteen, or twenty minutes is

a perfect way to start off the day. It brings you back home to yourself before you leave home and

allows you to relax into the center of your being, which transforms the quality of the day ahead. Last

thing at night is also perfect for a tantric quickie, or during an afternoon nap on the weekend. Soft

union without erection is so simple and easy; just slip it in, no big performance needed, no great

expenditure of energy. You just connect the genitals, relax into the moment, and become present in

your body.

Quite possibly the experience of jumping into sex at a fixed time every day feels clinical and

unromantic. Also, putting the unerect penis into the vagina (as described in chapter 6) may feel

somewhat cold-blooded and technical. You may even feel shy and self-conscious because you are

used to making love in the dark or being more concealed. Don’t give concerns such as these too much

attention, because first impressions fade quickly. Conscious meetings in broad daylight where

everything is natural and out in the open are a dream come true for many of us. How easy is this?