Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

informing us that previously held accumulated tensions are leaving the tissues. These can be called

“healing pains.” If this should happen to you, accept the pain and do not be unduly concerned; the pain

will pass in time. Movements such as gently shaking the body, including the pelvis, for ten minutes or

more will help to disperse the emerging tensions. Often allowing simple tears of vulnerability will

dissolve the pain. It is also recommended that masturbation not be used as a way to relieve the

tension or pain. The body is healing and regenerating itself through the sexual relaxation. As layers of

emotion and physical tensions rise to the surface and dissolve, body sensitivity and capacity for

pleasure return.

Safety Concerns Regarding Nonejaculation

We have heard from a few men that they have been advised by their medical doctors to ejaculate

regularly in order to “flush out the pipes,” like a bit of do-it-yourself plumbing.

Personal experience has proved that it is possible to make love frequently for years on end without

the need for ejaculation. It is not as though a man swells up into a balloon that eventually pops

because of his unreleased semen! There is absolutely no physical danger for a man to go without

ejaculation indefinitely. Sometimes there may be spontaneous emissions during the night, but these

tend to happen more and more rarely as time passes. They occur frequently during puberty and

adolescence, and the reason is thought to be sexual fantasies. These emissions have nothing to do with

not having had an ejaculation for a long time or the body getting rid of old sperm.

Reserve Ejaculation for Conception

A man can, if he so wishes, reserve his ejaculation for procreation alone. There is no hard-and-fast

rule, but a man should know that when he and his partner want to conceive, he can consciously decide

to ejaculate at the time the woman is ovulating. (The time of ovulation can be determined through a

number of different methods, such as changes in body temperature and vaginal mucus.) Conscious

ejaculation will make conception an equally conscious event, rather than the hit-or-miss accident it

often is. When a man ejaculates he can plant his seed along with an intention or vision for a conscious

conception.

Women’s Identification with Male Ejaculation

Men need to be aware that women often identify with their man’s orgasm/ejaculation. In these few

moments a woman feels that the man gives himself to her, and for woman this is somehow affirming.

The irony is that she actually triggers the man into postejaculation syndromes, unwittingly

disempowering him (and thereby herself) as the flow of intimacy and love gets interrupted or

evaporates. Sometimes these breaks in the connection seem so normal that we would not immediately

associate them with sex. We think this is who we are and how we are. However, a man who practices

containment of energy will begin to experience himself as a completely different person in his daily

life. Men report feelings of pleasure that rise to the heart with a lightness and glowing warmth that

radiates throughout the entire body and being.

A man is equally identified with the woman’s orgasm, because it confirms that he is a good lover,

which supports the male ego. (However, many woman fake orgasm, so it is not necessarily reliable

feedback.) The big disadvantage of making a woman come, as mentioned earlier, is that more often

than not the man will ejaculate a few seconds too early due to the heightened level of excitement and

tension, and so disempower himself.

BENEFITS OF COOLING DOWN

Many of the personality difficulties or relationship problems between partners disappear when there

is a shift in the style of sex. An ambience of love surrounds the lovers, and radiant love shines from

their eyes. Men’s faces change completely when they are making love regularly in a relaxed, non-

orgasm-focused way. The transformation is remarkable, certainly more effective than any facelift.

Craggy, angular, mildly discontented grooves and folds transform into a widening and fullness of the

face, as an infusion of chi o r prana, the life force, enters into the facial tissues, energizing and

rejuvenating the skin and leaving it rosy and radiant. The body is grounded as legs penetrate the earth;

the heart is open, the eyes are shining.

Redirecting the Energy

In conventional sex the energy or vitality is normally forced downward and outward. To reach

orgasmic states the energy has to be allowed to rise. It needs to be encouraged inward and upward,

and this happens through relaxation in sex. An inner channel opens, and energy begins rising and

expanding through the core, returning to its source in the brain. The ultimate source of the sexual

energy lies in the brain. Roughly at the level of third eye lie the pineal and pituitary glands, known as

the “master glands” of the endocrine (hormonal) system. Crucial substances and information are

released and these filter downward through the system to eventually prepare us for sex. This cycle

represents the reproductive, biological phase of sex mentioned earlier. When vitality is recirculated

upward through inner channels and returns to its source in the brain it represents the spiritual or

generative phase of sex. The inner design enables a man to reabsorb his vital energies and be

empowered by them. Through relaxation a man can reach a vibrant and peaceful state, followed by

the experience of feeling energized and rejuvenated.

It is an experience beyond and higher than the conventional reproductive expression, which is more

“superficial.” By allowing the life force to turn inward and upward, the man uses his intention to

create the foundation for evolved experiences. He shifts from running mechanically after ejaculation

to being conscious and present each moment, attentive to the subtle sensations unfolding within his

body and being.

The Inner Rod of Magnetism

Perhaps you are wondering how these altered states transpire. What’s going on? Both the male and

female orgasmic experience can be explained most simply by comparing the human body to a magnet.

Like a magnet, the body has two opposite poles—one in the heart and one in the genitals. Usually one

pole is given a plus, or positive value, and the other a minus, or negative value. Whatever symbol or

words you choose to use, the body’s two equal and opposite poles create a difference in potential.

This can give rise to an electromagnetic streaming in the core of the body and an amplification of the

energy field surrounding the body. Tantra calls the experience of streaming in the core the awakening

of the “inner rod of magnetism.” And this is the true source of the human being’s orgasmic experience.

Through this miraculous inner design humans are able to experience ecstasy, alone or together.

Recent studies of chromosomes confirm the “magnetic” design of human beings. Science has

proven that man is part woman, and woman is part man. Each human contains both parts, male and

female. Both opposing poles are contained within each individual. We each have a male and a female

pole, a heart pole and a genital pole. Each individual is, at a higher level and by design, an

independent unit unto himself. Each person has the innate capacity to circulate energy and vitality