Diana Richardson - Tantric Sex for Men

Man unwittingly and habitually depletes his essence each time he has sex because of the prevailing

idea that sex is for the pleasure of ejaculation.

The Spiritual Aspect of Sex Energy Rises

The creation of a human being is a miracle, yet the reproductive potential of sex is its more

superficial expression. The higher, spiritual aspect of sex lies beyond the biological aspect, and this

is where man differs fundamentally from his animal friends. Animal reproduction is relatively

infrequent, generally limited to brief seasons, and occurs when the male of a species is attracted to

specific odors emanating from the female. Sexual behavior is rarely displayed in the phases between

seasons.

However, human beings are able to make love all day, every day if it is their individual wish, so

there must be more to sex than straightforward procreation. Man is able, through his consciousness, to

raise his sexual expression to a higher level—one that is an evolutionary step. The containment of the

life force through relaxation gives rise to stillness and a higher form of self-experience. Sexual

experiences become uplifting, deeply moving, and nourishing. Further, the capacity to be relaxed in

sex and avoid tension-filled climax-oriented sex gives rise to a quality of male authority and presence

that is lacking today in the majority of men. (This aspect will be covered in chapter 8.)

A man’s experience of the spiritual aspects of sex is limited because there is confusion about sex.

Nature has an inherent commitment to reproduction (among all plant and animal species) and is not at

all interested in states of ecstasy or fulfillment of orgasmic potential. Ejaculation, which serves nature

perfectly well, also leads to a crash landing well before humans take off and start flying. The usual

brevity of the sex act means that the majority of men are not experiencing the vagina as the true home

and resting place of both man and penis. In a man’s lifetime inestimable amounts of time and energy

are locked up into sexual fantasy and longing, but the actual amount of time a man spends with his

penis inside a vagina is minimal.

A style of superficial reproductive sex is basically not satisfying in the long term. Again and again

the longing to repeat the same experience arises and can become a vicious cycle of desire and

discharge. With repetition boredom easily sets in, so a man will change partners in order to keep his

sex life alive.

When the ejaculation experience is truly fulfilling there is a sense of deep satisfaction and

completion. Instead, most men, as already mentioned, feel depleted and devoid of creativity. Because

the peak climax is not profound or deeply touching, the desire for sex continues almost as a

compulsion or an obsession, and a man can find himself fully controlled by his sexual urges.

With the habit of building up and discharging energy the more subtle, delicate layer of sexual

experience is bypassed. The life force is not given the opportunity to circulate within the body.

Ejaculation interrupts the circle, and the higher potential of sex is lost. When a man learns to

experience his higher orgasmic nature and finds deeper fulfillment through sex, there usually will be a

corresponding decrease in his sexual obsession.

CONTAINING THE LIFE FORCE

For a man to shift gears and reach a higher octave in sex, he needs to prolong the sex act by cooling

down and either avoiding ejaculation or postponing it until a moment of his choosing. The bodies of a

man and a woman need to make love for an extended period of time for states of sexual ecstasy to

arise. The human body is designed by nature to experience higher states, but this requires time,

sensitivity, and awareness.

If a man understands that premature ejaculation happens through overexcitement, he can make

ejaculation a conscious choice, rather than an accident or a habit, as mentioned in the previous

chapter. Tantra masters also inform us that ejaculation is always preceded by the thought of

ejaculation, that the origin of ejaculation is actually in the mind. Without the thought of ejaculation

there is rarely an ejaculation (except when a woman gets overexcited and pulls an ejaculation from a

man, as already mentioned).

Avoid the Tension of Ejaculation Control

Absence of ejaculation (nonejaculation) is not the same as ejaculation control. There is a significant

difference between not ejaculating as a result of relaxation and controlling the ejaculation.

Osho says, “In sex, you are relaxing in it, not controlling it. If you are controlling it, there will be

no relaxation. If you are controlling it, sooner or later you will be hurried to finish it because control

is a strain. And every strain creates tension, and tension creates a necessity, a need, to release. It is

not control; you are not resisting something. You are simply not in a hurry because sex is not

happening in order to move somewhere. You are not going somewhere. It is just a play; there is no

goal. Nothing is to be reached, so why hurry?”

This is different from sexual practices that suggest a man “dance on the verge” of ejaculation for a

period of time without actually ever getting to the point of ejaculation. In other words, the man

intentionally builds up the excitement and tension level, and then shortly before he feels he is about to

reach the “point of no return,” he relaxes his efforts, which represses the ejaculation. After a while

the energy level is built up again, and then repressed again, and this process is continued with the

effect that ejaculation is controlled for a prolonged period. (There are also specific techniques to

repress ejaculation; for example, a man pushes finger pressure into his perineum/prostate area.) As

the term controlling ejaculation indicates, by using such repressive techniques, the shift is from

ejaculation to avoiding ejaculation—which means that the goal orientation remains the same.

Physical Pain after Hot Sex

Controlling ejaculation through repression as described above can have a short-term energizing effect

on a man. However, the deliberate building up and pushing down of excitement will deposit tension

in the prostate gland and genitals, which can later cause congestion. Because all repression is

basically a type of tension, the practice of ejaculation control is not particularly healthy in the long

term. When a man deliberately plays with excitement and controls his ejaculation, he should not be

surprised if he experiences pain in the testicles or groin area afterward. The pain is usually a

reflection of the tension produced through the buildup and repression of energy.

If, and when, a man does reach a point where he needs to ejaculate, it’s suggested that he simply

allow it to happen right then and there. Better not to interfere with the direction of the flow. Tell your

woman out loud in words that you are coming, look into her eyes, remain present to the situation, and

enjoy!

If you wish to postpone or avoid ejaculation, it’s advisable to steer clear of too much stimulation

and excitement right from the start of the lovemaking. Instead, become more slow and sensitive

through relaxation and awareness. A cool approach can empower you to make love for hours.

Pain that Follows Relaxed Sex

After relaxed sex, surprisingly enough, there can also be pain in the penis, the testicles, the groin area,

or the lower abdomen. When the sexual atmosphere has been one of relaxation, the pains are