Antonio Molina - In the Night of Time

In the distance he hears the noise of a train that takes a long time to pass, coming up the bank of the Hudson emitting the sound of a ship’s siren. He can’t believe he’s not riding in that train, that he doesn’t have before him the urgency and uncertainty of another trip, doesn’t have to anticipate any sudden fright, or find he’s lost, or know he’s anonymous. In the car, to flatter him, Stevens cited his articles in international architectural magazines, and Ignacio Abel had the feeling he was hearing about someone else. So many years of study, work, ambition, and vanity dissolve into empty hands, hands with dirty nails protruding from the worn cuffs of a shirt he hasn’t changed in several days. One morning, his feet aching from walking around New York, he sat down on a sunny bench in Union Square and thought no one could distinguish him from the other solitary, honorably poor men who read the help-wanted pages in the newspapers or pawed through trash baskets. He looked up and a banner hanging between two lampposts trembled in the gentle October breeze: SUPPORT THE STRUGGLE OF THE SPANISH PEOPLE AGAINST FASCIST AGGRESSION.

It’s a relief to be left alone in the house and not have any engagements scheduled for tonight. The banner in Union Square announced a meeting that evening in support of the Spanish Republic. If Judith was in New York, she’d probably attend. Tomorrow morning Stevens will take him around the campus and show him, if he’s not too tired, the hill and the clearing in the woods where, in not too long a time, everyone in the college hopes, the new Van Doren Library will be built (perhaps not white after all, too visible; perhaps the color of the rocks that peek out of cultivated land, or of the stone walls in the woods that marked old farm boundaries). In the evening the college president will give a dinner in his honor for a select group of guests (Stevens smiles, as if uncertain whether he’s among them). In a few days he’ll be assigned convenient housing for the entire year, closer to campus. But today he doesn’t have to worry about anything, Stevens said, turning to him as he drove with one hand along those country roads he knows by heart; just rest up after the long journey. (Stevens looks at him and speaks to him as if he were ill, he thinks, uncertain of the tone he should use with a man who’s just left a country at war, a distant European suffering that for him must have something exotic about it.) And he shouldn’t be frightened if he hears strange noises at night, his host says afterward, as they’re saying goodbye, and Ignacio Abel understands that Stevens has repeated the identical joke to other guests: the house is old, and at night the wooden structure tends to creak, but he can be sure it isn’t bewitched, It’s not a haunted house as far as we know, though it’s possible some forest animal may approach, a ferret, a deer. On winter nights, bears and wolves are on the prowl. What a relief to hear the outside door close and the car drive away as the taillights begin to fade. He remains still, the weariness of the past few hours and so many days dissolving into a muscular weakness, his eyes charmed by the landscape at the window, the forest of tall conifers where night has fallen beyond the clearing in which the house stands, the sky of gradually darkening blue, and against it the treetops outlined with precision, the branches curved upward like the roofs of pagodas. Ignacio Abel has never experienced a silence like this. The silence is a crystal bell, a vault under which the most cautious footstep, the lightest touch, would have resonated. His hotel room in New York faced a gloomy courtyard where machinery rumbled night and day, and at regular intervals the walls and floor shook because an elevated train passed nearby. (In his sleeplessness he’d count the days he had to wait, the amount of money he’d spent since leaving Madrid, how much he had left.) The silence has a depth, an oceanic extension as limitless as these woods, which must extend, he imagines, to the cold of the Arctic Circle, to the Great Lakes and Niagara Falls, to the shores where at this moment the Atlantic is pounding. The silence weighs so powerfully it muffles the voices that haven’t stopped sounding in his memory in recent days. Before leaving, Stevens turns on the lamp on the night table like a bellboy presenting the room to a recently arrived guest: he shows him the bathroom, how the hot and cold water faucets work. When the stream of water hits the bathtub it gives off steam. He opens a closet that emits a scent of varnish and pine. Stevens moves with agility, a hysterical touch of speed, like a dancer dressed in street clothes in a movie musical. His red face, his blue eyes behind gold wire-frame glasses, he is always conscious of the ironic or censorious or simply disdainful presence of Philip Van Doren, before whom he acts as if he were constantly being subjected to an aptitude test for which he’s not prepared; more anxious when Van Doren is silent, when without saying a word he makes his displeasure or approval known with a fleeting expression the inexpert observer may not perceive. In the kitchen Professor Stevens explains how the coffeepot and toaster work while Ignacio Abel absent-mindedly nods without understanding very much, impatient to be alone, his feet hurting under the weight of his body. After so many days without a real conversation, it’s difficult for him to pay attention to Stevens’s chatter or Van Doren’s comments and to respond coherently in English.

He inspects the bedroom, slowly becomes conscious of every detail, the high bed with its plain wooden headboard, plump white pillows, a white quilt on which he left his unopened suitcase. Pressing on the soft quilt is like submerging his hand in deep, warm, still water. He regains the pleasure of starched bed linen, fragrant sheets, the warm shelter of domestic comfort. How would it be to have Judith Biely with him in this room — Judith who perhaps right now is somewhere on this continent of dark forests undulating beyond the window. How would his children have explored the house, Miguel and Lita chasing each other on the stairs, going out into the woods to imagine they were living in a novel by James Fenimore Cooper, a film about soldiers in long jackets and three-cornered hats and Indians with tomahawks and stiff crests of hair and painted faces. There’s a wide, solid desk of varnished wood in front of the window. When he turns on the brass lamp with a green shade that stands on it, the darkness of the landscape becomes a mirror in which he sees his face, partially in shadow, against the background of the room. Who has seen you and who sees you? Who would recognize you now? His face with the rough shadow of a beard, an edge of grime on his shirt collar, his tie carelessly knotted. The face Van Doren and Stevens have seen, which he has detected behind their courtesy. From a distance comes the sound of a train that takes a long time to pass: lit windows through the trees, reflected in the ocean-like current of the river. In Madrid night fell hours ago and it’s still a long time until daybreak. The tremor of battle goes on in the distance and darkness, just like the sound of the train. REBEL FORCES EXPECTED TO FURTHER TIGHTEN THEIR GRIP ON LOYALIST CAPITAL, a newspaper headline said yesterday or the day before. Standing in front of the window, Ignacio Abel empties his pockets onto the desk: train tickets, hotel bills, French and Spanish coins, American pennies, receipts from Automats in New York, pencil stubs, the telegram from Stevens that reached the hotel after three days, when he thought he’d be thrown out for lack of payment, loose one-franc bills, a wrinkled five-peseta note, the few dollars to which his entire capital has been reduced. Forgotten things, like archeological remains of a lost time: the keys to his apartment in Madrid, two movie tickets from an afternoon in early June, the letter he decided several times to tear up and yet has kept, Dear Ignacio, allow me to call you that, despite everything. I’m your wife and have the right and still love you. Adela’s letter and Judith’s, his wallet swollen and misshapen by use, Judith’s photo next to one of his children, his Socialist Party card, the General Union of Workers card, his identity document, his notebook with the first sketches for the library, lines and pencil smudges, uncertain attempts at forms that have become irrelevant in the context of the power and scale of this landscape: what can he design that won’t be trivial and ridiculous, his Spanish imagination nullified here, just as it is in New York City, by the excessive size conspicuous both in human works and in nature, requiring an energy, a spirit, a lack of restraint for which he isn’t prepared. He’s been alone in the room for a while and still isn’t calmed by its spaciousness or its silence. He sees himself as a foreign body, potentially infectious, propagating disorder, smells that have clung to his clothing during his journey, dirty clothes now turned out of the open suitcase on the bed and things spilling out of his pockets onto the desk, the silence oppressing him, the external darkness increasing the dimensions of distance.