James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

So I was cliping because I telled what he did. Then getting a row for what I never did. And it was him that did it. I just said it so that was me cliping. It really was not fair. My da never said nothing if it was Matt. Oh Matt Matt. Everything was Matt, he was just the goodie. That was my house.

I did not want my maw making my bed. Maybe I had stuff planked under the mattress. What if I did? I found a n**e book on the train coming back from my grannie's. I was going to take it into school. People done that, they opened it under the desk, then out in the playground. Sometimes they hid them off ye. Gary McNab did not let ye see. But just for a laugh. He did after.

But having one in the house was a worry. Just if my maw found it. She went into our stuff. She even done it if ye were there and just lying on the bed reading a book. She was a quiet walker. Then the door jumped open and in she came. Ye got a fright the way she done it. She went to the cupboard and poked about. Oh you need clean shirts. Oh this vest is just a disgrace. Oh you do not need all those socks. Oh what happened to your new underpants? Oh see this jersey, it is dad's, dad has been looking for it.

Well I did not put it there.

Oh well somebody did.

Yes but not me. I would not take dad's jerseys, they were too big. We got trouble with socks and underwear. My maw washed them. After they were dry she put them in yer drawer but did not get the sizes right. Then with underpants, if she put my da's into my drawer and I put them on and went to school they were just hanging down all day and it was terrible. He got angry about it, but it was a laugh too when ye said it.

Other mothers did not poke about but she did. So ye could not plank stuff in yer drawers. I done it at the side of the bed and put the n**e book in with stuff like football boots and old balls and games. It was just a worry but. I was quaking. What if she came home early from work and found it? I rushed home from school at dinnertime and got it, I buried it in the backcourt and covered it over with stones. But when I went to get it it was not there, the stones were all scattered. Somebody took it. But what if it was a grown-up? What if they telled my maw? I had that in my stomach for days, what was going to happen?

***

When Gary did not come out it was just me and Podgie. One time he came home from school with me. I brought him in the house. My maw let me. Ye just saw their feet were clean or what and they waited in the lobby or else the living room if my da was no home. But with just me there Podgie went over the whole house and was going to go into my maw and da's room. I said to him, Oh do not go in there, that is my maw's room. So he stopped but he was peeping in. He still wanted to go in. I did not let him and shut the door.

He kept looking to see stuff and then with a wee smile on his face. How come? Maybe if he thought something daft about yer house, if he was just laughing at ye and telled people. Even if it was yer maw She gave him a piece and he opened it to see inside. He done it all the time. Even she was looking, he still done it. It was rude, I saw her face. If it was a piece and cheese, or just jam, he opened the two slices and looked in. What did he do it for? I got a sick feeling, if he was going to be cheeky to her. So if my maw did not put on enough jam or the cheese was too thin, if he thought that. One time I got a cheese piece off Gary McNab's maw and the cheese was really thick, just the thickest, so even it tasted different. I quite did not like it, just if it was too thick and ye could taste a flavour that was greasy fat and ye only tasted that. Oh is that a cow? It tasted like a cow. Or else a wee baby's milk if sick was coming out its mouth. I did not like cheese too thick. Unless if it was toast and cheese, then the grease came out and tasted smashing. I made it for supper and cut thick slices. My maw did not like me doing it. The cheese melted over the toast and sparked up at the gas, sticking to the grate and the pan, making it all greasy. So if it went hard, how did ye get it off? Ye had to scrape it and watch ye did not waste the pan if ye scraped too hard. I got a row off my maw for doing it. Podgie did not know about it because in his house he did not do the dishes.

In my house ye done them. One time the boys came up for me and I was still doing it. I did not hear the bell and my maw went to the door so then she said it to them, Oh Kieron is doing the dishes.

So they all laughed at me. I did not care.

Podgie did not go pals with people except if he wanted in with them. So if he went pals with me he wanted in with me. If it was to get in my house or what, I did not know. If Gary was not there he had nobody except if it was young ones that stayed near him. He did not want that.

But a lot of times Gary did not come out. Ye went up for him and he just left ye outside. He even shut the door. So ye were sitting out on the landing stairs. He done that a few times. Even he just sat and watched the telly. You were outside waiting. He knew ye were waiting. So when he came out he telled ye the programme he was watching. Oh it was a laugh, ye want to have seen what happened. And then he telled ye the story about it. He done that and ye just felt, Oh I am never going to come up for him again.

But if he had a fag and shared it with ye. So ye did not know what it was, if he was yer pal or what.

Then his big brother, if he came up the stair and ye were sitting outside the door. Oh who the f**k are you?

Oh but he knew who ye were, he just said that. He saw me on Sundays after the football and him and the big boys were playing cards. We all watched. He kidded on he did not know ye to make ye feel bad. Other ones liked him. He worked on the milk and made good wages and then got good haircuts and good clothes. If it was good style. People watched to see what he was wearing. Oh Gary's big brother has got good style. Oh it is an Italian suit and his shirt is American. Gary telled us about it. Oh see that jacket, it cost a fortune and he just paid it. He is giving me his old one. I can get it taken in.

Gary's big brother gave him clothes when he grew out them. He gave him money too. I saw him do it. Come here ya wee b*****d. And he gave him money. He called him a wee b*****d but he gave him money. Gary saw us looking and winked to us.

My big brother never had money and did not have good clothes except at Christmas or for his birthday. He just had school ones and then if he got something off Uncle Billy but Uncle Billy was bigger and usually they did not fit. Oh you will grow into them. Then if it was trousers. Oh yer mother can shorten them. Oh she can take them in for ye.

My maw did it with her needles and thread. She took the trousers and made the bottoms loose then shortened them up and ironed them. But if Matt did not like them. Sometimes he did not wear them. My da got angry at that. Oh if your mother has taken the time to do it.

But Matt just went ben the room. He did not like fighting with my da. My da just said it was arguing. We are only arguing.

I do not want to argue.

Well why will ye not wear the trousers?

I do not like them.

I was laughing when Matt said that. My da saw me but did not say anything. But I was not laughing at him. I just laughed. It was not at Matt either. One time he got a job but only for one week then he chucked it. Imagine that. Ye had a job and got money and then just chucked it.

Gary was getting a job with his big brother next year. Ye had to wait till Secondary School. That was the same with other jobs. I was getting one too. I needed to because of money, just to get money, I never had any and just needed it. A milkboy job was best, or else the papers. Just anything. I never had any money. People knew that. Oh any fags? Oh do not ask Smiddy. Fancy a bottle of ginger? Nobody said it to me. If Mitch had money or Gary, or Podgie, but I did not unless I got it, so maybe if a woman gave me it for climbing the balcony. But they did not ask much. One time I had my fares to go to my grannie's and I met Podgie and Gary when I was going to the railway station so I did not go. I just kidded on I was out and just walking about. I bought fags with the money and shared them out.