James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

If it was the old place I would have. Ye done things there, he did not know. Oh and if it was boys younger than me and he still said stuff, if it was Primary 6 S and they were there. So they could say it as well, if they thought that. If I was just stupid. Oh Smiddy cannot fight. Maybe they thought that. If they were going to laugh at me. They would never laugh at me. So if Podgie wanted to get me, I would get him. I would do it. Even it was a hammer. My granda had one and I used to look at it when I was wee. It had a round bit at one end and the hammer bit at the other. It was a beauty. It was just old and was not dirty at the iron bit, just all shiny where granda used it to bash stuff. I thought that about the hammer, it was like an old man, one that was a smashing old fighter. Ye could not imagine anybody ever beating granda's hammer and just how the iron bit fitted the wood and was shaped there with holes in it so the wood came through. It was better than all the workies' ones. It was all just smooth and how it fitted in, and its smell was just something like oily stuff. The handle went thicker in the middle and ye carried it straight up or else straight down but if it was straight down ye had to watch if it hit yer knee, tough luck how sore it was, it just was a thud and it pinged in yer knee and ye could not walk. I done it when I was wee. Granda had a hatchet too. It was for firewood, ye just split the wood, ye tapped in the blade then battered it. He showed Matt how to do it. He said I was not to until I got bigger.

I did not know if he still had the hatchet. I asked my Uncle Billy. He was up in grannie's house. I did not know he was there. He was playing with the cats. Even the one that did not like playing. It came to Uncle Billy. Oh look at that, the wee traitor. Granda used to say it but just smiling, seeing Uncle Billy petting its head.

He was doing that just now and laughing about stuff. He was taking me to see granda. Grannie and my Auntie May were away up already but we were waiting for Matt.

Uncle Billy made jokes if ye said something daft. But sometimes it was not funny and ye wanted him to hear ye. It was different to a joke what ye were saying, it was no for laughing, ye just wanted him to listen to ye. He done it when I was wee, he tickled ye to make ye laugh. But ye were wanting to tell him stuff. If people done something to ye and were hitting ye and going to get ye and just batter ye, he did not listen, just tickled ye worse and it made ye angry, I got angry. Uncle Billy Uncle Billy. I shouted at him. But he tickled ye more and more till then ye were laughing too, ye could not stop it. But I did not like him doing it and if I kicked him hard then he put me down. Oh you wee buggar ye.

But he just laughed at ye again. Oh Kierie boy, I am a wee brother same as you.

Oh but you just have big sisters, if it was a big brother that just hits ye all the time.

Aye but who is my big sisters?

My maw and my Auntie May.

That is what I am saying, a pair of warriors. Imagine them as big sisters! Dear oh dear oh dear.

But it still was not so bad as brothers, I knew it was not.

And it all was different now from when he was wee. It was. He did not think so but I telled him all what was happening out in the scheme. It was not the same as the old place, and fighting too, it was all different. Some had knives, and it was blades, ye just called it blades. Oh he carries a blade. People said it. They hid them in their socks else down their trousers if the cops came or just if other gangs were there. So if they came to get ye ye just took it out and ye stabbed them. Mitch had one and it was planked in his room and I could get it off him if somebody was after me.

Oh Kierie hold it hold it hold it.

Oh but Uncle Billy I am just saying if they are after me and if they have got a blade to stab me. Some do it and then if they do and ye just have yer own one and ye take it out.

Hold it. I shall tell you something Kierie, never you carry a blade. That is one thing never to do. If ye do that ye are in trouble.

Aye but.

Listen to me now. What if the guy takes it off ye?

Oh but he would not.

Aye but what if he did?

I would not let him.

But what if he just takes it? Some fellows take out a blade but do not know what to do with it or if they are feared to use it. So then the one they are fighting just grabs it out their hand and stabs ye with it. See because he is not feared to use it. Telling you son that is what happens in this life, ye take a knife to a bad b*****d that is out to get ye and he takes it off ye and stabs ye. So what if it kills ye? It is your knife, that is the one that has done it. So that is you, dead by yer own hand. How would ye like that? That is what happens. Never ever carry a blade.

But what if they have one for you?

Well ye take it off them.

But what if ye cannot?

Ye just hit them with something.

But what if ye cannot get to them?

Oh well ye just run for C****t sake. Kierie boy, ye used to be a fast runner. Can ye no run fast any more?

Oh but Uncle Billy.

G*d almighty son do not let yer mother hear ye talking like that. Blades and what have ye, that is just trouble. Do not ever carry a blade.

Uncle Billy stopped talking, he had a paper and started reading it. He was angry. I saw that he was, he did not like about knives but if people had them. He did not think they did but they did. It was different from when he was young.

After that Matt came. Uncle Billy said bye bye to the cats and took us to see granda. He got us chips out the chip shop and we ate them going along the road. He did not get his own ones but just took some off us. He smoked when he was eating them, he smoked a lot, and was saying about granda, if we went to see him a lot of times or what.

Oh quite a lot, said Matt.

Matt was good at talking. Uncle Billy liked him. People liked Matt. I did too, a lot of times, if he was yer brother, ye just liked him. My maw liked Uncle Billy. So did Auntie May. They laughed at jokes and had fun and the same with granda, they talked to him. I liked it when they did. Oh dad do ye remember when ye took us to Glen-nifer Braes and we went through the puddle?

My grannie was laughing too. She had a funny laugh and with a hankie covering her mouth. She did not want ye to hear her. She kept her mouth closed. And she did not kiss ye. You could kiss her but she never kissed you, she put her cheek to ye. Oh do not kiss my lips, you should not kiss a child's lips. Just kiss me on the cheek son.

Her skin was the softest. People's skin was soft but hers was the softest. Auntie May laughed at her. But my maw did not, but she smiled. My maw did not talk much about their old days, it was just Auntie May and Uncle Billy. But my maw liked when they did, so did my grannie. Sometimes my maw looked as if she should give them a row, Oh that was mischief, we were just scallywags, we should not have done it.

Listen to her, said my Auntie May. Oh Cath.

Auntie May held granda's hand and so did Uncle Billy. But my maw and my grannie did not but just looked. I did not see granda smiling, it was just the breathing all the time ye just heard it and always heard it. People just looked, just looked at one another and that was what they were hearing. Poor granda. Ye just thought that, it was just a horrible shame. Oh he cannot get a breath, said my grannie.

It was his lungs too, no just the growth. Uncle Billy said it. They were just closing up. So if it was skinny lungs there was not much space left for the air to go through. So he was wheeching. Wheeech wheeech. Uncle Billy said, Wheeech.

I did not think it sounded wheeech. It was Hohhhh hohhhh, hohhh hohhh.

Granda done daft things when they were wee and it made them all laugh. My da did not. If they were all talking he just looked and with a wee smile but he did not speak much. It was not his family. I felt sorry for him. But he had his through on the east coast. But he did not see them much. They were mine too. If ye were the boy ye had the two families but yer father only had one. No he did not, he had two as well, it was just another family, it was his father's family, so that was my grandfather, my other one from granda, he died before I was born. He was the Smith. So we were Smiths after him. It was all the Smiths, just all the fathers.