James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

No.

He laughed. But I did not like him saying it with Podgie there. If I was showing off, I was not. It was not me that made him say it. I was not a boaster. Mr Mitchell looked at Podgie now, pushing on his specs. Oh who are you?

I am Derek, said Podgie.

I have not heard of you.

I am his pal too.

Oh, that is nice. And it is nice he has got pals. Mr Mitchell looked to Mrs Mitchell. Where has Margaret got to? Is she not back yet?

No father.

That was Mrs Mitchell saying it. I heard her before. She called Mr Mitchell father although he was her husband. Some mothers called the husband dad. Mine did not. But sometimes she did. But she really just called him by his name. My grannie called granda dad. They all called him dad, my maw as well. But he was her dad. People did things different in families. In my house the youngest did stuff but in this one that was not it, it was the big sisters. Mitch did not do anything. That was the same in Pat's house, he had sisters too, so he did not do stuff.

Mitch only went messages if he wanted to. He knocked money off his family and that was a way he got it off his maw I done it off mine. But he went into his maw's purse, I did not except only a few times. He went into his da's pockets as well. That is something I would not do because if he caught ye that was the worst. The one way was if it was the ice-cream van, if my da sent me down for fags and chocolate, if it was Saturday night. Oh we will get bars of chocolate.

So when the icey came round I went down to get the stuff and I just knocked money out the change. Ye just had to be careful, if ye took too much and ye waited for him counting. Usually he counted but he did not say if it was too little. How much is that chocolate? He did not ask me. So if he had. Oh I do not know what it costs, I just gave the man the money and he gave me the change.

Oh you should always count yer change. My da would say that. My maw too, Oh you must count yer money. I never asked my da for money. Maybe Matt did.

But Mitch got it off his. That was something. I said it to him. Oh if yer da gives ye money.

Well if he does not I just take it out his pockets. Mitch tried to get me to do it to mine. All the time he tried it. If yer da goes to the pub and comes back, ye just take it, he will no know. That was how he done it. He did not care if his da caught him doing it. If me and the boys were there and we did not have nothing, we got Mitch to get it. Podgie said it, Oh Mitch can you get money?

Mitch went and done it. Podgie tried to get in with Mitch because he got money But then if he made a fool of him? I did not like it. Oh Mitch, I said, Podgie is just at it with ye, he just wants yer money.

Some Friday nights my da went to the pub after his work and did not come home till late. My maw did not like him doing it. I could have went into his coat pockets then but I did not. If he ever found out, that would have been me. That would have been the worst. My da hated thiefs the worst of all. On board the ship they just threw them over. Man overboard. Oh he was just a dirty thief. So the Captain did not stop the ship. What was worse than stealing off yer shipmates? Oh feed him to the sharks.

But if I did take his money and he found out, so what, I would just run away. I did not care if he gave me a doing. So what? The next day ye were better. I thought I would do it, but I did not. If I ran away I would.

Mr Mitchell was saying to me and Podgie about school but we were not saying much back. I would have if Podgie was not there. I wished he was not. He would tell everything to people. If Mitch's maw and da said stuff, he would just go and tell them. That was what Podgie done.

Mrs Mitchell said, Oh William is enjoying his wee holiday.

Oh yes, he will be coming back in a week or two, said Mr Mitchell. He was looking at me but I did not speak. Then I did. Oh I could write a letter.

Oh that would be nice, said Mrs Mitchell, he would like that.

I could as well, said Podgie.

Oh that is nice of you, she said.

I finished my piece and drank the milk. I gave the cup to Mrs Mitchell. I was wanting Podgie to finish his but he was just doing it slow. I saw him smiling and it was for nothing. I did not like it when he done that. He was not a real pal to people and was just wanting to see stuff about Mitch's big sisters. He had three. The oldest one was married and had two babies. I had not seen her. Margaret was the nearest one to him but that was four years older. She called him wee brother. Oh wee brother, do you want any toast?

I liked how she said it. The other sister was Carol. They did not open Mitch's bedroom door but just chapped it. In my house people opened the door and said stuff to you but his waited till you said it to them. What is it? So then the person came in.

It was because it was lasses, so ye would not see them if they were not wearing their clothes. My maw always said it, Knock before ye enter, but a lot of times ye forgot. She forgot with me and Matt, she just came in and was looking about yer room, and if ye were not dressed. Oh mum, she just went, Oh sorry, and came back out. But if she chapped the door and ye said it, Oh just a wee minute. Then it was alright. My maw just looked in yer room. Even yer private stuff, so if ye had planked something, ye had to watch it. I did not like keeping stuff, so when I used to go up the loft it was good for hiding all what ye wanted. But I was finished with the loft now. I could just never go up again. If ever I did I was finished. That was what my da said, I was on my last warning, he would just kick me out the house. I telled Mitch.

Oh we will just f*****g run away.

Mitch had done it before and talked about it a lot. But where would ye go? I said to him about the highlands. I thought the highlands was the best. But he said England because he had his relations and now that was where he was.

I thought that, maybe he just ran away, if his maw and da were not telling us. Podgie thought that too but I did not say it to him. I liked Mitch's maw. She always gave ye stuff if ye were in the house, biscuits or a piece and something. But Mitch did not like her either. And his sisters. How come he did not like his sisters? They were good. Oh I f*****g hate them, I f*****g hate them. He said it to me. Oh if I had poison I would just poison them all to death, everybody in the whole house.

People liked him saying it, Podgie and the boys laughed when he did. But I did not like him saying it. And no to everybody. If I thought that I would not say it to people. I liked Mitch. I wished it was all better. I thought about John Davis too. It was not fair.

Podgie just sipped his milk. I looked to him but he kidded on he did not see me looking. But I knew he did. I was glad to go away Oh I think it is time to go home now. Mr Mitchell said it. I was glad, I was ready and went to the living-room door. Podgie stood up and came. Mrs Mitchell took us to the front door. Oh Kieron it would be very nice to write a letter to William, he would love it, you are his best friend.

She shut the door after us.

Oh but I wished she had not said about best friends. Podgie did not like it, he just went down the stair and we went along the street, not talking.

***

I went up for Peter and Billy but they usually just went the gether. They let me come but if I did not go up for them they did not come up for me.

But what they did was comics, I did not bother. They saved comics and went round swopping them. Billy had most comics but his maw was snobby and did not want boys up at her door. He swopped them at Peter's door. People came there to do it. I liked to see the stamps and comics but no too much and I did not save them. If it was raining they stayed in their own street. If ye were passing and they were in a close ye went in to talk and it was about songs in the Top Forty or good pictures they saw. Peter sang the songs and mimicked the people in the pictures, he could do it funny Ye were just all laughing when he done it.