James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

But how come they done the sign? My da said that. If they wanted a special favour off God and it was to help ye win the game. That was just Blasphemy. They kissed their hands as well. How come? Ye saw it on the pictures if the Pope was there else it was other ones and kissing their hands, oh Father I am sorry. Boxers done it too. If it was for good luck and they would fight good and not get beat. What happened if they did not do it? If they ever did not do it so they got beat or if they missed a penalty if it was football. So about the ones that did not do it if they were Idolaters or if they were the Protestants. It was funny seeing darkies do it. My da laughed if it was. Oh the darkie is a Pape.

So then Mass. Mass. Ye went to Mass. And if it was special Mass, ye got Special Mass too. If it was dead people.

So I had to do it. If it was me and I was one. And if it was in the Church maybe I still had to, and just so nobody could see me doing it, if I just came in the door and the top of the passage and just stopped for a wee minute, a wee wee second. I could see me if I did, and just there and doing it quick. It was me doing it. If it was. I could not see if it was me. If it was my face there, I could not see if it was. It was smudged, if it was a face. Whose was it? It could only be me.

Ye thought ye knew yer face, but when ye tried to see it in yer head ye could not. It was just the old one from Auntie May's photographs. She had them in a bag. The one of me was when I was three. It was wide and round and it was smiling. I was a smiling baby Auntie May said that. But it was not like my face at all. Only in the old photographs. Oh ye were a smiling wee boy. Oh why do ye not smile? Smile.

So then they took yer photograph and ye were smiling. Because they telled ye. Say cheese. Oh he is smiling now.

I was not smiling. It was just my face. And Matt was looking, I did not like Matt looking.

***

The pipe that went up the wall beside the balcony was a ronepipe. It came down to the backcourt. People played there. The family on the ground had two wee lasses and usually they were there with their dolls and stuff. Sometimes I climbed the ronepipe a wee bit. There was the elbow joint there and ye could stand up on it. One time over the back I saw a boy climbing higher. I watched him. Up he went, whshuuuu, the first-floor landing and he jumped into the balcony there. Hoh. Who was he? His back building faced over on to our back building and was faraway so ye did not know who it was except he was round that street, that was where he stayed.

Then I was down the backcourt and I saw up our wall, how the ronepipe was fixed. It came down the side of the balcony. It was one pipe and two wee pipes joined into it, one to the kitchenette and one to the bathroom. That was what the boy was climbing. Ye just went up the big ronepipe. But where did his ronepipe come from? It came from the balcony up above. Whose was that? Mine. Where did mine come from? The roof, and it passed right by them all, right down to the ground, and the wee bits just went off into the houses and they took the water down from yer kitchen-sink and yer bathroom, when ye flushed the lavatory pan, ye could hear the water. I was showing Pat and Danny and saying about the boy climbing up.

Pat called it veranda, ye were out on the veranda. Other ones called it that. No just RCs. So if it was a kitchenette balcony it was a kitchenette veranda. My maw did not like veranda, it was balcony to her. So I just said balcony. Some houses had front ones, they came out the living room at the front of yer building. But back balconies were best, people all said it. I was going to climb mine. I was showing Pat and Danny and came a big gushy noise down the ronepipe and Danny made a joke. Oh that is old Craig doing the lawy.

Mr Craig lived one-up and was the neighbour above Danny. He was awful crabbit and if ye were sitting on the stair, Oh away out the back.

We are just talking.

Well this is not your stair, away out the back and talk.

It is my stair. That was Danny saying it.

No it is not, you do not have a stair.

Because Danny stayed on the ground floor. So he was not to go up the stair. He did not have the stair. But if we were just sitting on the steps up, they were just at Danny's door, so they were his too so we could sit there. Oh ye have no right to sit there, not on these stairs.

Aye but that is his door there, the steps are just at it.

Oh you shut up you do not even stay here.

That was to me because I said it. He did not like people up the close. Oh away out and play!

Aye but if it is raining.

Oh I do not care if it is raining.

Mr Craig was wee and skinny and his braces were there to keep his trousers up but the braces hung down over his shoulders. And if he was just back from the bathroom, that was what it looked. Imagine him on the lavatory pan. What if he fell down? Imagine ye gived him a fright, ye just went up and kicked the door and oh he was sitting down and pohhh that was him he fell down the pan. He was skinny enough, he could just go down it.

Pat was saying that and we were laughing but seeing up the ronepipe, how the wee pipes went and there was another gushy sound. So if a woman was there and doing a washing, emptying the sink, the water just skooshed down. Ye saw the stank on the ground next to where the ronepipe went into the dirt, so that was where it all went. I was saying to my da about it. Oh that is the sewage.

Where does it go?

Into the sea.

Into the sea?

Everything.

Everything meant all jobbies and all what came out the lawy pipes and the kitchen-sinks, it all went into the sea. And if ye spat in the sink, my granda did, he was aye doing it. My grannie did not tell him off but my maw did, if she saw him, Oh dad do not do that but he did, so then that went down the pipe in the sewage and all everything, if it was a spider or a eariwig or just a fly if ye killed it, if ye put it down the drain. And yer fingernails too if ye cut them, and yer toenails. It all just went it was just horrible to think because if ye fell in, ye were on a boat and ye just — or else ye went swimming, people just went swimming, and it was in the sea.

***

The new school started. It was up the lane next to our close. In the morning I kept the kitchenette door opened and listened for the bell. It rang and I was out the house down the stair and round the corner. My maw shouted at me for doing it. But she was getting ready too and was too busy She went to her work after me. She gived me a tie to wear but I took it off when I shut the door. I belted up the lane. Everybody all was lined up in the playground, I sneaked in beside them. On the first day there I saw John Davis. I thought he would be in the class above me but he was coming into my class. That was great. But how come?

Oh it is just my lessons.

He did not know his lessons and was getting put back. Sometimes he looked at me if I said about my lessons. How come I knew them and he did not.

I was glad he was in my class and I sat beside him. I did not know many people. Some knew each other from their streets or their temporary schools. Two lasses were there from my one, Julie Michaels and Lorna Buckle. Lorna Buckle did not like me. I never done nothing to her but she did not. One time I was behind them at the queue for schooldinners and I heard her saying, Oh it is him.

And if that was me. I did not know if that was me. How come she said it. Julie Michaels was her pal and did not look at me.

Ye were just seeing everybody in yer class and mostly all it was new people. I liked that. Because I did not like the temporary school. In my new school there were boys I saw from playing football and just walking about. I thought they were Papes but here they were not. I saw a boy that flung stanes at me one time. He was just a wee boy. I kidded on I did not know him and so did he.