James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

But then what happened. John stopped playing. How come? It was his feet or else shoes. I was saying it to him and he held his feet up to show me. If his shoes got all bashed, maybe that was it. Mine did too. My maw got angry because I played with my school clothes on. Yer trousers too, how they got manky and one time were ripped all up the leg right from the bottom. How did that happen? I did not know till I was running and then my trouser just flapping. My maw sewed them. She just grabbed them off me. That was my good trousers. Oh no! and she was angry. Oh do not you ever do this again Kieron Smith you will come home from school now and change.

I said it to John. We will go home and change first. Put on yer old stuff and yer old shoes and that and I will see you there in a wee minute!

I just rushed home and changed and back out, just with a piece on jam and a slug of milk out the bottle. My maw did not like me doing that but she was not home. I lived away farther from the shops than John. But then I got there and was on playing but where was he? He never came back. I went up to see but he would not come out. If he went in his house and changed out his school clothes that was him, he did not come out.

I said it to his maw. Oh if he has got old shoes.

She just smiled.

John is the best player Mrs Davis if he can get his old shoes and then just play.

She was making their tea. It smelled good and my stomach was rumbling.

Oh can I look in the pot?

Mmhh. She nodded her head to me.

It was mince and potatos and there was big thick onions, that was it I was smelling. Oh I was starving. My maw did not make onions. My da had a bad stomach and onions were not good for it. And if it was fried. Oh no. And for an egg, poach it or else boiled, that was my da.

But John did not come out. I liked being pals with him but it was only sometimes ye saw him, that was all. He did not like climbing. There was a good wall near the shops and people climbed it. He only watched. He kept watching till ye made it to the top and his face was worried, if ye were going to fall, he thought ye were. I walked along the top of it and done funny steps. He was glad when ye came down. I just laughed. Oh John it is dead easy. See the ones we climbed in the old places! We had the biggest jumps and the biggest dykes. This is just nothing.

He could have climbed it. I said to him, Go and do it.

Some big boys were not good climbers and it was fat too, but John was no fat. And he was not a daftie, if people thought he was, he was not.

Ye watched for ones that were. Some dafties were no feared of nobody. They would just fight who it was. They did not care. So if ye laughed at them they would get ye.

Ye had to be careful in the new scheme. Ye did not know who was who. Then too if it was Papes, who was a good fighter and who was not. And if the Pape was a daftie, ye did not know.

And people walked at ye. That was what they done. Ye had to get out the road. But if ye did so they could walk then they were the boss and you were just nothing. So ye had to watch it when ye were walking. Ye were aye ready, so if ye saw boys coming to ye, and it was a long way away ye were thinking what to do. Maybe ye crossed the street. But if ye stayed on the same pavement what would happen? Ye had to think what to do. Because if these boys were coming to ye, ye could not bang into them. And they would not get out your way. No unless it was just one or two and they were younger or else wee or just if they were not good fighters. Ye had to act tough. Men done it too. They all just acted tough. Boys were walking down the street and I watched to see. So if it was a man coming, what did he do? So if he crossed the street well maybe he was feared.

People just tried it with ye to see if ye were easy and ye had to do something back to them. If they punched you you had to punch them. If they stole yer school bag or clicked yer heels and tripped ye, you done the same to them. Ye acted tough. I was not near getting bullied and nobody made a fool of me except if it was a laugh and ye all were doing it. Even the best fighters, they did not get me. If it was football or what, I was good at stuff, if it was games or running. People knew that. Then if it was climbing, I was a best climber.

***

My maw said it was good if I started Sunday School. She heard people saying about it and I should just give it a try. I did not want to but my da said, Oh you will meet other boys and stop moaning.

Oh but dad.

No.

They were going to make me go. I did not want to except if it was the Lifeboys and ye had to. I went in the old place and it was horrible except ye saw yer pals. The Sunday School teacher was always angry. If he thought ye were making a fool of him, but we were not, I was not. I did not want to go except if it was the Lifeboys.

My maw said, Oh but there is going to be a Lifeboys.

Well I can go then.

You will go just now.

Well what about Matt?

Oh he is too old.

My da said, He will get Bible Class when he goes back to the BB, so that is enough. You need it and he does not.

How come?

Ye just do.

How come?

He did not say anything more. He stuck up for Matt but he did not stick up for me.

If it was the Sunday School for me it was the Sunday School for him. But they did not think it.

But my maw was making me go. But what happened next Sunday I wanted to go. She left my collection money on the kitchen table. I was making toast for my breakfast and I just thought about it and I just wanted to go. That was funny. I thought that. If it was the Minister. Just on Friday morning he had been in our class at the temporary school, he was saying stuff about Jesus going into the Temple and he just got everybody out that was doing money-lending. It was good how he done it. They were in His Father's house and should not have been doing that there if it was the ways of the world and it was not as it is in Heaven. Jesus was just young when He done it. They were all men but He could just do it. God helped Him for His strength.

I liked that Minister. He had another voice and was a bit like my cousins in Fife, oh ye ken. He had a red face and he smacked his hands. Now boys and girls, will ye sit up straight now and then I will tell ye and it is a story, it is a real story.

And so he done it and people all liked the story.

So it was good it was me. I went and looked out the living-room window and was glad it was, I just wanted to go. Matt was still in bed and so were my maw and da, they had a long lie on Sundays. So if I went into the Church, if they were still in bed. That was me in the Church and they would still be sleeping.

When I went out I closed the door very very quiet so not to wake them up.

And walking along the street, I liked it, and away round the long road and over the hill. Nobody much was there and ye could just see all stuff. Then there were people and they were going to the Chapel. They were just walking. I went on the other side of the street. I looked at them but they did not look at me. I did not know any ones that were there. RCs went to the Chapel at all different times, at nighttime as well.

I did not care if it all was Bible stuff. I was just myself here going. I liked it and could just do something if I wanted to. Except if I had a ball I could have played it down the road, so for the next time I would get a ball, even just a tennis ball.

It was a wee old Church down near the railway line and all leaves on the ground, piles and piles.

But who only was waiting. Two wee boys out the infants' class and four lasses from Primary 4. That was who was there. They were just looking at me. If it was the wrong Sunday School. I walked over a bit and stood beside bushes. There were trees here too and ye could have climbed them. Matt said there was chestnut trees.