James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

It was all smashing for playing. Except how the big boulders and stuff was all quiet, it was quiet. Ye could not hear nothing only maybe the wind, just a wee bit. So if it made ye feared, ye could see how it did, if it did, ye were just there and nobody else. There was no any sounds, there was just no any sounds. Oh but birds, high up, ye saw them, whirling about, wee specks. Then just the sheep and they were just away high up, right away at the very top, ye looked and there was one farther up, and the wind making the grass shiver. I liked the sheep. They were just how they were and did not look good but were the bestest climbers. They were not fat, their coats had been sheared off.

I went home. It was a long way away but I knew how to go, it was easy. I just went to the road and that was it and I would just get it easy. I sat down for a rest and got some good grass to eat but none of the soor leaves. I liked them. Ye just chewed one. Ye were not to swallow it, and ye got the juice. Ye spat it out after. I was starving and if ye got turnips. I did not know how to. It was best just walking. I could not see the road and was looking away over the hills and went up high to look but could not see anything. It was all just in the country. If I found the road I would go on a bus if buses came. I had no money but just say to the conductor, Oh please Mr I lost my money.

But I could not find the road so just kept walking and walking and having wee rests and just getting to where I saw it looked the way to go and I was just going there and I got to a road but it was not the same road, just a wee one. It was all dried out so if no motors came, just a ghost road. I was walking and walking. It was windy and steep down so ye went round and round and down and down and were running a wee bit. I came to a wall and a house, and a pile of pigs behind a fence. Real pigs. They were all running about and squeaking when they saw me, just real pigs and ye saw their wee eyes and they were just manky all where their mouths were, they had been eating food and it was all dirty. Farther on all the big houses started where the rich people stayed and I just went on and came round a bend and down a long big hill and there saw the bluebell woods. When ye saw them ye knew ye were nearly there. It was smashing to get to my close and up the stair. When I chapped the door my maw came and she saw me. Oh Kieron.

Then my da's feet down the lobby, Oh is that him now and he grabbed me at the wrist and gave me a skelping, just hard, I did not care. I saw Matt was there and did not care for him either, none of them at all, and my maw, I did not care about any of them and just was wanting away, just getting away from that horrible stinking b****y house just to get back to the old place and my old pals and my school just in the classroom and my grannie and granda and the street going up and just everything.

***

Pat stayed two closes along from me. I went pals with him and Danny McGuire. I went into Pat's house a lot. The walls had Crosses hung up and pictures of Jesus and a big one where was all the Disciples in Raiment and it was the Last Supper. Jesus was killed on the Cross. It was just the same story and ye saw Judas, Oh he is the one and the Pieces of Silver, Oh do not forsaketh me, but he does.

Pat had one wee brother and one big sister. Her room door was shut so ye could not see in it. She had big fights with their maw and da. So did Pat. They were not feared of them. Pat's da worked in the railways and was aye sleeping on the chair when ye went in his house. Pat did not like him. If ye went on the train ye saw him waiting at the gate to collect the tickets off the folk coming home. A lot did not have tickets and just skipped past him. Pat's da looked at them but did not say nothing. If he was scared to, if he was a coward. If Pat thought that. But I liked his house better than mine. He had a good room, it was just his wee brother with him.

Danny McGuire came up and we were talking and I was saying about the ferry and how ye could just do stuff. They were wanting to go and see it so I took them. I did not tell my maw and da. My da did not like me talking about the old place and if I wanted to go to my grannie and granda. Oh this is yer house now, ye have got to get used to it. Ye are not running to them all the time.

We went on Saturday morning. Pat knew a way to go on the train so ye did not pay much money. We got to the river and oh they loved it and on the pier showing them the steps down and how ye went right down the bottom one and then the one next to that was under the water and how ye just could stand on it when the waves went out and then jumped up when the waves came in. A woman was up the top watching us. Oh come away from there!

We were just laughing. The ferry came in and I showed them how to do it, jumping aboard and standing ready to jump off and doing it before the ferryman jumped ashore with his rope. Ye called him Skipper and ye had to get up the stair before he tied the ferry. That was what we always done, it was just like a race and the Skipper tied it fast so he could beat ye. They were real sailors from the highlands.

The ferry was out in the middle and ye could see right down the river. Ye leaned yer elbows on the side and just looked over and saw everything, all the boats, big ones like my da sailed in and went round the world and wee ones too and then the ones getting built with all the big planks and poles way up high where the men walked along the sides. They could just look down and did not fall off but if ye waved they did not wave back. I liked wee boats the best. I would have loved one, if ye could have yer own boat and just go in it and sail about wherever ye wanted. I was going in the Navy when I grew up. I was telling them how my da was a real sailor and that was him.

Oh but what if it sinks? said Danny.

Him and Pat could not swim. I showed the lifebelts to them. Danny touched one. Oh you are not supposed to touch it, I said.

How no?

It is bad luck.

What happens?

I did not know what happens. Except Danny should not have touched it. I never touched them. It was not good to do it. I did not think so.

We got to the other side of the river. I thought to take them to my grannie and granda or else the park to show them the pond, maybe if the yachts were out and it was a race. Then we were saying about football, how they had not been to a real game. I said how with Rangers ye could go and the men would lift ye over. The cops were there but ye just knew what to do. So if they were looking ye just kidded on ye were not doing it and then if ye waited and just ye got a man and he whisked ye over and that was you and ye saw the game and it was smashing. So we would go now. It was Saturday. So I telled them. I will just take ye.

Oh no, it is Rangers. Danny said, Rangers is just for Protestants.

Oh but they will not know, we can just go.

But what if they find out?

Oh but they will not, we will not tell them.

Oh but if they know?

But they will not know. Nobody will see ye. So if ye do not tell them. It will be okay.

Danny had a worried face.

Him and Pat did not look like Catholics. Catholics had white faces and black hair or else red hair and freckles and white faces. Only their names. Their names were Pape names. If ye said their names. Ye could not say their names. If anybody heard them. Oh do not say yer names out loud, I said. Oh and mine too, do not say it.

How come?

Oh it is a Pape's name, Kieron is a Pape's name. If they think it. If they think it is. It is not, Protestants are called it too.

Pat said, I know a boy called Kieron Ramsay, he goes to my old school. He is a Catholic.

Protestants could be Kieron too. But I did not know a Proddy called Pat. And a Pape called Billy. But if there was, maybe there was. Or Danny, I did not know about Danny, maybe it was Saint Danny. My da said that.