James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

Even if I was the best fighter in the whole class? If ye did not have fights ye could be. So if ye were not, nobody knew ye were not. So ye could have been, so how did they know ye were not? Ye could just have said it, Oh I am the best fighter. But people would just laugh, or else fight ye.

One day it was freezing cold and ice was there and we were waiting ages, stamping about for yer feet to get warm. People were down at the corner to look out for the buses. Boys were flinging stuff about for a laugh. I did not know them. A thing hit me. What was it? Just a scabby old cloot thing like an old towel but complete filfy. The boys acted like they did not see it hit me. But if they thought I was daft or what, if I could not fight, they would soon find out. They flung something else and it hit a boy beside me. It was John Davis. He wiped it off his coat and looked over at who flung it. The boy looked back at him. John Davis just was watching him and with a look on his face, and he kept looking at the boy. He wiped his coat again but the other boy just walked over to another bit so then ye knew he was feared of John Davis, I thought that. How come? John never done nothing, just looked. So that was that and people knew, Oh watch it, if it was him, and they just left him alone. He had on a Rangers' tie. That was what he wore. So I said it to him, if he supported Rangers, and he did. I was talking to him and the buses came. I sat beside him. He did not go to my school. Him and another boy and lassie stayed on after we all got off.

If ye spoke to him he did not speak back but was watching ye hard so ye were careful. Ye did not try anything with him. If he lost his temper, ye wondered maybe if he would, what would happen. Boys looked at him but then they did not and just looked someplace else.

He did not have pals much. I went home with him one night after school. His maw opened the door and took me in. She did not speak, just smiled. It was Rangers everywhere. Even the living room. It had all blue and orange for the curtains and carpets and all pictures, it was King Billy and the Queen on their horses or else just standing. My maw did not let King Billies go on the wall but she liked the Queen and we had pictures of her. The biggest one was in the living room. Her and the Duke wore the Sash and had on Army clothes. My da put up Rabbie Burns. He liked him. Oh my love is like a red red rose.

John Davis had a big brother that was like a man. Ye did not see him except just coming in or going out and he did not speak to ye. And he did not speak to John. Ye saw him and he just walked past. They had the same bedroom and it was Rangers Rangers Rangers and all the players were on the wall and calendars and all stuff.

His maw was a wee woman that just went about. I was bigger than her. She did not talk, just looked at the ground and was smiling all the time. How come? If she was thinking about a joke. They had a wee dog that lied in its basket under the kitchen table. He had quick breathing and steam out his mouth and dribbling all the time and it went on the carpet. My maw would not have had it.

I was in with John and his da saw me, Mr Davis. He had funny teeth that stuck out. Oh and what is your name son?

Kieron.

Oh, Kierrunn, that is a nice name. Then he said it to Mrs Davis, and he was looking at me. His name is Kierrunn. Is that not nice?

John did not talk to his da or his maw except if he was looking for stuff if he could not find it and was crashing about flinging open the drawers. That was when he shouted and it was dead dead loud and oh it was just really shouting, Oh where is it where is it! Oh where is it!

If he was getting angry. Ye thought he was. It was a worry. Ye were just there and looking. But then he was okay again.

They were in the Lodge and if there was a Walk ye saw them. His da wore the Sash and the round hat and with the umbrella under his arm. So did his maw, and she wore a hat as well and a handbag. Mr Davis walked first and then John and her. She took funny steps when she was walking as if it was all wee puddles on the ground and she was wanting no to step in them. John walked a wee bit the same as her and he looked at the ground too. I said to him. Oh hey John look at the sky!

I just done it to get him. But maybe it was something, if it was birds flying, so then he was looking. And if it was a big flock of birds and how they all went flying high and if it was a shape and ye saw one bird flying off by itself. That happened. Then other ones following and other ones staying behind then they would all come the gether and ye watched them flying on and on and would keep looking and keep looking till yer neck was sore and they were wee toty wee specks and ye did not know if ye could see them or what. I would say it to John. I can still see them I can still see them I can still see them until then I could not. He was looking too and waiting for me to say it. Then if clouds were coming and they flew into them. They all went to Africa for the hot weather. And ye got ducks. The ducks flew as well. I said it to John. One time we came off the school bus at four o'clock and I was going home with him. Other boys were kicking a ball and putting down their schoolbags for goalposts. These boys did not go to my school but I knew them because of the school buses. Papes were there too. Any chance of a game? I just shouted it.

Aye.

So I got John too and he came on. They picked sides and me and him were last picked. The very last was him, just how he looked and did not talk or else bother. But then we were playing and he was a best tackier, bestest, he was, and I did not know and was pals with him, so how come? I was just looking. Whohh, ye just could not get past him. And his knees banged into ye too and just how he was tough with his tackles or else in shoulder charges, ye bounced off him. Ye were running at him and he just stuck out his foot. Trying to dribble him, ye could not. How did he do it? He just stuck out his foot and got the ball. And then of all was heidying the ball, he would have beat men.

I could not heidy the ball right. My granda showed me and showed me. Oh it is the front of yer head son do not close yer eyes. Attack the ball Attack the ball.

If it was the middle of yer head it was no good. Yer head had two bits and then there was the middle. If the ball hit in there it was where the two bits joined, and it was softer, so that was how it was sore and the ball did not go the right way because it was the two bits, one one way, one the other and the ball hitting in, so where did it go, that way or that way?

And ye had to watch how ye done it. It happened to me, the ball just plonking down and ye were dizzy and ye had to wait a wee minute and could not run. If ye did not heidy the ball right and it was too many times that would be bad for yer head, just like what happened to boxers so it was punch-drunk.

Uncle Billy was there and he was laughing when granda said it, but it was right enough. My granda shook his head at Uncle Billy. Oh never mind him son he is a dumpling.

I was telling John Davis about it but he did not bother if it was the front or the back or what, if it was the middle of his head, he just jumped and got it and the ball went sailing away. His heidying was better than some boys kicking. He was just good at it.

Except I was a fast runner, John was not. He was big and ye thought he was too big. Some boys tried to be funny with him, if maybe he was daft because people might think that. So now they did not and if me and him were coming off the school bus and the boys were there for a game, well, they just picked us in the teams. Oh John you kick that way. Smiddy you kick that way!

That was me, my name, it just was Smiddy now If somebody said it to me. What is yer name? Oh it is Smiddy.

I just said that.