James Kelman - Kieron Smith, Boy

I did not like the bushes where I was sitting. Ye could not see in. It was just leaves and leaves and all thick branches all fankled, all stuff poking out, fuzzy stuff and poison too, so ye could not go in, ye could not, even if ye wanted to but I did not want to, never never, there was no space for ye, ye could not go in, I would never, and never try it. Ye would just get stuck, how yer foot would just get twisted in and trapped, ye would just get trapped, and ye could not move, ye could not move.

Oh but I did not like it here. I did not. I just did not. I was shivering, how come I was shivering oh but I was oh but I was, I was I was I was and could not stop it if I was scared, my teeth hitting against each other. And it was just loud and louder, and now I needed the toilet, I really was needing and just had to go and it was just now I just had to and I looked and where was docken leaves if it was diarrhoea oh I felt it coming but it was just fern leaves to wipe, I could not find dockens.

Then came talking. I heard it. I hid down. Oh if it was a Yank or a soldier. Or else a Squatter, oh a Squatter, that was what I thought and if he captured ye and took ye away But then it was not it was Matt and George. I saw them away over. They were smoking. They were there and smoking. George was, I did not see Matt doing it. And nothing else, I did not see nothing else. Except away far far. That was rich people's houses. Big boys went knocking out their gardens, apples and stuff. There were all fields there in the distance. Ye could get turnips out farmers' fields. George said that. Him and other boys went. He was taking Matt but no me. How come? I could keep up easy, I was a fast runner and could jump good if it was the burn and we were getting chased. I said that and Matt said to me, Oh just get yer own pals.

But if my maw found out he was smoking he would get a real doing. I could tell on him. If I did that would be him. So how would he like it?

Oh and then he nearly saw me. Him and George were coming. I ducked down and went back through the bushes. Jim was there waiting at the fence. But what happened, Matt came right to me. Take Jim home.

What?

Just take Jim home.

No. What are yous doing?

We are just going a walk.

I am going with you.

So am I, said Jim.

Kieron is taking ye home, said George.

I am no.

Yes ye are. Matt gived me the punch sign for a secret warning. That was what he done and he would just get me after if I did not do it. Oh you are getting a secret warning.

That was what he called it.

The gun-site was no good so they were going away someplace else. And if I tried to go with them Matt would batter me. Brothers did that. George done it to Jim. It was just the same. So if it was brothers, that was what they done, it just was not fair. And people did not know. They done it behind their backs. If it was yer maw and da watching the telly, he came in and just gived ye a look or else if he held his hand up and in a punching grip showing ye, Oh you, you are going to get it.

That was the sign, so that was you and ye were going to get it. If it was Matt, he just went back out the room. So ye were feared to go out the living room, so if it was the lavatory, ye did not want to go because if he was waiting ben the lobby. He would be and would get ye.

If ye did not know about brothers ye would not see the sign. Some of what Jim got off George I knew because with Matt.

It was not fair a first brother and a second brother, because ye were not the first ye did not get stuff and because ye were weer ye got doings. Nobody bothered because it was brothers so it was their business and kept out it, even if it was bullies and they were punching wee ones. They done it so ye would not come. Well I just did. I did not care. So if they said, Away ye go. I just followed them. I done it the next time and they were going a long walk. Jim was not there. I was glad.

George was there with Matt, and another big boy. I did not know who he was. I followed them right away over the field and away over and across at the edge of the gun-site hill then away down and out on a country road. There was no pavements to walk on and bushes and trees at the side of the road. Ye just had to watch it, and if motors came, sometimes an old lorry.

They were smoking again and drinking ginger. George had a job as a paperboy and made a big wage and it was him bought all the stuff. Me and Matt did not get much. Matt was wanting to get a job too. My da thought it was good but my maw did not, only his studies. That was what she always wanted was studies, Oh do yer lessons do yer lessons.

I kept way behind and was just hiding a wee bit. I did not care if they saw me except Matt with smoking, he would be angry, if I was going to tell on him. Maybe I would.

I saw him now and he was going to chase me. I knew the way he done things. He would just wait and wait and go a wee bit slower and a wee bit slower and then oh running and running to catch me but he would not catch me. He would not. Except if he did. So I ran back. I saw George laughing to him, saying something. That was about me. I waited before going. I did not see them round the bend, then round the next one I did not see them. Maybe they were just hiding.

It was miles and miles away I knew where the scheme was but ye could never have seen it from where we were, it was too faraway and then all hills and roads were in between and now cows but mostly sheep. We were coming out to hills and big hills. I saw the sheep there and if ye looked high up they were way way up there.

But I could not see Matt and if there was a tree I would have climbed it because with Matt, he just would sneak up on ye and then jump out and get ye.

It was funny how sheep, ye saw them and they did not look good, but they were and were smashing climbers. If they fell down a mountainside the shepherd had to go and find them, he lifted them on his shoulders, wee lambs.

I found good grass and was looking for soor leaves. There was a wee gate with a step fixed to it and ye climbed up and over and into the field. Cows were there and were looking at me, if they were going to charge me, maybe they were, I went by the side of the field and away over from them. There was not any trees anywhere, not good ones. A wee loch was. I just came on it. I went over a wee hill and there it was. Ye could have went for a swim. I was going to but I did not. The water was not blue but black-looking and big long weeds were coming out. I felt the water to see but it was freezing cold. I took a wee sip and it was good. Maybe if I paddled out. If it was not deep, it did not look deep. I was going to take off my socks and shoes but I did not, because if it was deep after all, even just the deepest like a big big hole right in the middle or else a big fish nibbling yer toes or just if it bited ye if it was very big or if it was like a Loch Ness monster, it could have been.

It was all quiet roundabout and big boulders, if baddies were hiding behind them. It was a laugh but what if they were? Ye thought about it. And if ye were the cavalry ye were getting a drink of water, ye were having a wee rest and the horses too, then the Indians were coming to get ye, just quiet and creeping up, knives in their teeth to scalp ye, and ye were just lying down to get a drink of water and the arrow thudded into ye or else the one standing beside ye, he was yer old pal oh and the arrow thudded into his back, Oh I am done for. So ye ran quick to hide, just for cover, and drawing yer gun except if ye did not have one, only a rifle. Soldiers just have rifles and ye left it over beside yer horse so ye had to run to yer horse but the Indians were there and stole yer horse and were here coming to get ye and with their knives or else their spears.

If my pals from the old place came here they would love this place. If I got Terry and Ian and boys out my class they could come and see it. I would just bring them. I could easy do it. Just if they had money for the train, that was all. Oh they would love it and all the good games ye could play they would love it.