H. Adler - Panorama

The door opens and there stands a man with a red beard, clearly upset, as he yells without looking around, “I want nothing more to do with this stinking business! You can tell your Director Rumpler that Götz von Berlichingen is here! He cannot leave me waiting!” Rumpler turns around quick as a flash and says pleasantly, “With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking? I am Professor Rumpler.”—“My name is Kummerhackl.” Rumpler grabs his hand and doesn’t let it go. “My dear Kummerhackl, it’s indeed you! Indeed, what a joy it is to meet you!” Kummerhackl continues to talk loudly. “Three months ago I personally dropped off a copy of my book, The Solution to the Social Question: A Practical Plan for the People of Europe . I also followed up in writing. Then for the last three days I have shown up in person and each time waited at least two hours! Now I’m fed up!”—“My dear Kummerhackl, you must watch your nerves! Please, give me your hand, I see, a very fast pulse, you should not get so excited. My goodness, I’d hate to get so excited. You would not believe the beating that my nerves take, but one has to maintain self-control, please note, you have to take care of yourself! Your book is wonderful, full of new and clever ideas, reconciling people through their shared humanity. We all suffer from the problems of society. It’s so important to solve them, you could even speak to the President, indeed, a practical plan, what an idea! Puttrich, quickly fetch two cups of mocha! Puttrich, the taxi! Fräulein Grenadier, call the radio and tell them I’m on my way! Dash it all, one has to control one’s nerves. No, come along, my dear Kummerhackl, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about your book. My dear little Horn, you come along as well, of course with another cigarette already in your mouth, come along, before the taxi is here in two minutes’ time.” Rumpler then ushers Herr Kummerhackl into his office, and Horn follows.

Fräulein Auer asks Josef to take Herr Krönert, who meanwhile has been planning his radio talk with Schrimpl, to Frau Lawetzer and to give her the request for two free tickets, as Herr Krönert thanks her and bows to everyone there. Josef is also reminded to bring cigarettes for Fräulein Auer, she has no more to smoke, then the two men head downstairs, Herr Krönert wanting to know if the Cultural Center always seemed like a mental hospital, he having had little to do with it and yet now finding it incomprehensible, he’ll have to tell Zenkl about it all. Then he asks Josef to tell him how one should go about preparing a radio talk, for Krönert has never done one before, Herr Schrimpl having recommended ten minutes on “Our Yellow-feathered Friend at Home,” he needing to get the manuscript in within ten days, typed, and no more than 150 lines long, with no more than sixty characters per line, but Josef explains that he cannot be of help, today is his first day at the Cultural Center and he, too, is amazed by everything, to which Krönert says, “Indeed, it is amazing. You know, I don’t know anything about culture. But if there is any culture here, it must be pretty lousy if such a man is in charge of it.” Thus the two of them arrive at the ticket booth, where Frau Lawetzer is even busier as she hands out tickets to some people and is nervous, though Josef attempts to keep Herr Krönert from having to wait any longer by approaching the window from the other side, while those waiting complain about his bad manners and how everyone needs to wait in line, though Josef explains that he is there with instructions from the Director. Everyone then says, ah, the Director, well then why don’t you do something to improve things around here, the dreck you put on for films lasts a minimum of two weeks before there’s a new program, it’s the worst cinema in the city, and it’s only funded because it’s a cultural center, but the films are a cultural scandal, the lectures get worse and worse, the members no longer have any privileges, and they’re just treated like cattle, that’s what you can tell Rumpler upstairs. Josef has to listen to this and much more, as he begs their pardon, for it’s just a little matter that he has to take care of, and so he’s allowed to step up to the booth, where he gives the order to the cashier, though she explains that she cannot do anything about this request, it has to be signed by the Herr Professor, or at the very least by Dr. Horn and Herr Klinger, Fräulein Auer’s signature being no good, she has been chewed out by the old man whenever she accepts just any signature, so she can’t do so now. Josef then asks what he should do, the man has been waiting so long already, and Professor Rumpler himself had given the order, but the cashier repeats that she can’t do anything, the best thing would be for Josef to go up again and get the right signature. He’d be happy to do so, but he asks Frau Lawetzer whether she can give him any cigarettes for Fräulein Auer. The cashier gets angry and complains, it’s not a time for cigarettes, you should appreciate that the customers are impatient and are complaining about the management, those waiting heartily joining in to support her, telling him that he should ask Rumpler to start keeping a better eye on things, otherwise he’ll be mucking out his stall for good. Josef has to shyly back off, as he soothes Herr Krönert and asks him to be patient, none of this difficulty is his fault, but he will make sure to get the right signature or bring down Fräulein Auer herself. Herr Krönert doesn’t seem as impatient as earlier and says, “The way things are run here seems really quite interesting.”

So Josef runs upstairs and rings the bell, but after ringing twice neither Michel nor anyone else comes, though a different door suddenly opens, after which the door to the stairs is opened by Rumpler, who is with Herr Kummerhackl, the Professor wanting to know what the young doctor now wants, and why he still doesn’t have a key to the office, he should get one from Herr Krupka, though Josef just asks for the Professor’s signature on the note from Fräulein Auer for Herr Krönert, but Rumpler responds, “Krönert, who is Krönert? I don’t know any Krönert. I’m not signing anything. You’re not scheduled to start here for another day, Doctor, so if I sign anything now we’ll have to pay you extra! Dash it all, I could spend all day signing things, everyone wants Rumpler’s autograph. I’m sorry, Doctor, but no way, Doctor, no way!” Josef says, “The man with the canary birds!” Rumpler, however, isn’t listening and wants to head downstairs, but that doesn’t happen, as a man and a woman pounce on him and the woman yells, “An outrageous injustice, Herr Professor, only ten minutes for Butterwegh! Please give me the fifteen minutes that an artist of my stature demands! I cannot successfully sing three Schubert lieder in ten minutes!” Rumpler replies, “What do you mean, successfully sing Schubert? Sing Beethoven or Bach if you can’t do Schubert in ten minutes, but fifteen minutes, that’s out of the question, we are overbooked, goodbye, a pleasure, take a note, go see Herr Schrimpl. Go see whomever you like, but not me! Come see me when I have time, it will be a pleasure, Frau Butterwegh!”—“But when will you ever find time for me? I need to speak to you right now!”—“I don’t know, I don’t know, ask Dr. Horn, he knows when I’m free. Please don’t keep me any longer, I simply must go!”

Rumpler wants to leave, but the man stands in his way such that the Professor has to almost walk over him, the man not flinching as he holds Rumpler tight by his sleeve, saying, “Just a second, Herr Professor. My name is Klebinder. Last year I rented the little hall. It’s a charitable function. Not political. We need three rehearsals and then the evening itself. But it has to be cheaper than last year. We have a very ambitious program. It involves conservation.”—“That’s not my concern, not my concern!” yells Rumpler. “Dash it all, we also could use some charity and conservation here at the Cultural Center! There you are, my dear Kummerhackl, just see how we are badgered. I can’t manage it all! Meanwhile, social issues are the rub, and you want to talk about them on the radio and read from your book! Only politics matters these days. The only question you hear is, red or brown? Social issues no longer matter, for they’ve gone the way of human rights, for humanity is outmoded, and yet you still want to talk about it. It still existed for Goethe, indeed, but no one wants anything more to do with social issues!” Herr Klebinder returns to the issue of the rental cost with the Professor, who turns to him and says, “Yes, Herr Klebinder, what is it you really want from me? It’s the same situation as with Herr Kummerhackl. Do you think the Cultural Center is in the business of handing out charity? You don’t know today’s audience. You sit at home and a write a book while sitting next to your stove and now want to turn it into a charity. Excellent, but who will buy it? Who wants it? It won’t fly, my good man, the times for that are gone. Maybe before the war, but not today, for we can’t even fill the room for the Red Cross, and you expect us to raise conservation to the level of culture! I can hear the chickens laughing all the way in southern Calabria! It’s the same everywhere. Just ask Managing Editor Heinichen or the theater director Wenzig, none of it sells anymore! No one even puts on William Tell today. We did that with Wenzig for the schools, spectacular sets, a splendid production, reduced ticket prices, and a completely empty auditorium, which we had to fill with staff, just imagine! I’ll have to think about it, my good man, but meanwhile take care. Now, then, Herr Kummerhackl, you must of course come along with me, but hurry, the taxi is waiting, Puttrich, I’m on my way!” Now Rumpler hurries off, Kummerhackl following him, but Michel suddenly appears, saying, “Please, Herr Professor! You’re wanted urgently on the phone!” Rumpler shouts up the stairs that he’s not available, and Michel yells into the office, “Sorry, Fräulein Grenadier, the Professor has already left!” It does no good for the Fräulein to run out, as the Professor is already gone, but someone opens a window in the office and yells down to him in the street that the general director of the radio wants to speak with him on the phone, and Rumpler replies, “I’ve already left!” He then climbs into a taxi, Kummerhackl following behind, and they’re gone.