Felipe Alfau - Locos - A Comedy of Gestures

“To me it seems that Gil is taking too much pains with that question. I have told him not to worry his mind, because he will never succeed. The Spanish public is too apathetic. If he only were in France. ”

“But he is succeeding, Doña Felisa. Why, the records at your brother’s office are now full, and a year ago there were not even three fingerprints recorded there.”

“At least he could have got something out of it all, but he is too quixotic. He went and recommended that Garcia for the position of expert, which he might have kept for himself. You are too impractical, Gil.”

Don Gil addressed Padre Inocencio as the most important person in the gathering:

“I could not very well accept that position although I know more about fingerprints than anybody else in Spain. People nowadays suspect graft everywhere, they would think that I was using the pull of Benito. It would not be good for Benito, after all. Garcia is a good fellow, he knows his job which is more than can be said about most Spaniards.”

“What I regret,” said Padre Inocencio, “is the turn things have taken. You have concentrated too much, Don Gil, you have concentrated entirely too much in the application of your father’s discovery to criminology. It is a bad thing in my opinion to remind people constantly of the sins that are going on in this world.” Padre Inocencio turned to the other man. “Even what you say, about the records having been full in one year, only tends to reveal the number of evildoers that exist. A sad realization, my children, a very sad realization.”

“Of course, you believe that ignorance is bliss.”

“I don’t see that knowing does much good. After all, only the fingerprints are recorded, the authors of them are free. It seems to me, Don Gil, that the transcendence of your father’s discovery was too broad to restrict it only to criminology.”

“I know it. Padre Inocencio, I know it too well. But what happens? I conducted a drive not so long ago to have every citizen’s fingerprints recorded. I did not want to associate my father’s discovery entirely with criminology. After all, it was a sordid association for so great a discovery. But the thing had gained too much ground already in foreign countries and the association had been established. This public is not only apathetic, it is superstitious, you know that better than I, Padre Inocencio. The result of my efforts was that my fingerprints are the only ones on record belonging to an innocent person.”

“Yes, the people think that just because they have their fingerprints taken they are going to get into trouble, they are going to be suspected. Why, I am sure that they feel potential criminals, they fear to become criminals just for having their fingerprints on record.”

“Of course, they do. When I had mine taken, a friend told me that I was sure to get into trouble. The people are entirely too superstitious.”

The other man, who had been shuffling the cards all along, began to deal.

“By the way, it seems that Benito is not coming after all. The poor man works too much. I have told him so many times.”

“Well, he ought to, after you have filled his office with prints.”

Carmen’s voice was heard again:

“Papa, tell Gaston to leave me in peace.”[5]

Don Gil was examining his cards.

“Felisa, tell that son of yours something, he is always annoying poor Carmencita. I think he needs a woman. He is old enough to go out and get himself something without having to pick on his younger sister.”

Doña Felisa put down her cards.

“Of course, Carmencita is an angel. She is so innocent.! You know that girl is too precocious and forward. Besides, they are probably playing and nothing else. You should not even make the remotest suggestion about certain things, but when it comes to Gaston you delight in casting the lowest suspicions on his character. I would have never thought of such a thing, but now that you suggest it so freely, I tell you that your dear Carmencita needs watching.”

Padre Inocencio knitted his brows. He probably held a good hand and was annoyed at the interruption in the game.

“Children, children, don’t quarrel, let us. ”

“No, Padre Inocencio, you yourself must have noticed how this man picks on that poor boy. The other day I wanted to get a tonic because the boy is a bit pale and thin and he immediately began to say that it was not tonics that he needed and went on speaking about bad habits. Why, the poor fellow is never free. You know that is too much, Padre Inocencio.”

“Don’t take it that way. Doña Felisa, you know all fathers take an interest in their children, let us. ”

“That is not interest. Padre Inocencio; if it were, he would not be telling the boy to go in the streets and pick up women. I actually heard him tell Gaston that. He is literally casting the boy in the gutter. And anyway a father should never take such liberties with a son. Do you think, Padre Inocencio, that it is right for a father to tell a son to go and sin? Not to mention the diseases he may contract. Don’t tell me that it is an interest, Padre Inocencio. Do you think it is right to give a young man that sort of advice?”

“I don’t think it is necessary, but let us. ”

“Of course, it is not right. But probably that is the kind of young man that Gil was in his day. But Gaston is a nice boy who prefers to think of his studies instead of chasing common women. Anyway the poor boy would not be so thin and pale if he had been given a chance like the little Pepe el Españolito instead of being cooped up in this house.” All this had been spoken in a low voice. Doña Felisa was now addressing Don Gil with concentrated rage. “You should be ashamed of the filthy ideas that you cherish in your mind.”

Gaston and Carmen were now silent in the other room; Don Gil had been stirring the brasero, facing his wife’s attack with a bowed head and a tolerant smile. Now he leaned back in his chair.

“Padre Inocencio, I don’t think it is wrong for a modern father to initiate a son in the ways of life. Sooner or later he will face life and it is better to put him wise to it in time. I am not casting the boy in the gutter, I am merely trying to show him so that when the moment arrives he will be able to walk in it without getting too muddy. As a matter of fact I have only spoken once openly to Gaston. I am not telling the boy to sin, what the devil! It is not a sin for a young man to be with a woman now and then. After all, we have all been young and you very well know, Padre Inocencio, that men have certain necessities that cannot be dispensed with. You know that if an instinct is repressed it may degenerate.”

“I don’t agree with you, Don Gil, I cannot agree with you on that point. Take for instance men of our profession. We repress our instincts and in the end we are no longer subject to those that you call necessities. You know our saying: Leave the flesh alone for a month and the flesh will leave you alone for three.”

“And probably that is why so many of our amusement establishments have a back entrance and so many of the gentlemen of the frock are seen entering through that back door.” Don Gil laughed and poked the priest in the ribs. “Of course that must be when the three months are over, since I don’t see the necessity of using a back door when one enters a place to preach.”

Padre Inocencio also laughed.

“There are always those who do not take their vows seriously, but let us play.”

“Yes, let us proceed.”

Peace had been reestablished and Don Gil turned to his wife and pulled her nose.

“This will be the last hand, Felisa, what about serving the chocolate; I don’t think it is any use waiting for Benito, it is not likely that he will come so late.”