Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

He did not know how feelingly I spoke this, and what Extremities I had gone thro’ of this Kind; how near I was to the very last Article above, viz. crying myself to Death ; and how I really starv’d for almost two Years together.

But he shook his Head, and said, Where had I liv’d? and what dreadful Families had I liv’d among, that had frighted me into such terrible Apprehensions of things? that these things indeed, might happen where Men run into hazardous things in Trade, and without Prudence, or due Consideration, launch’d their Fortunes in a Degree beyond their Strength, grasping at Adventures beyond their Stocks, and the like ; but that, as he was stated in the World, if I wou’d embark with him, he had a Fortune equal with mine; that together, we should have no Occasion of engaging in Business any more; but that in any Part of the World where I had a-mind to live, whether England, France, Holland , or where I would, we might settle, and live, as happily as the World could make any one live; that if I desir’d the Management of our Estate, when put together, if I wou’d not trust him with mine, he would trust me with his; that we wou’d be upon one Bottom, and I shou’d steer: Ay, says I , you’ll allow me to steer, that is , hold the Helm, but you’ll conn [174] conn : con, direct the steering of. the Ship, as they call it ; that is, as at Sea, a Boy serves to stand at the Helm, but he that gives him the Orders, is Pilot.

He laugh’d at my Simile; No, says he , you shall be Pilot then, you shall conn the Ship; ay, says I , as long as you please, but you can take the Helm out of my Hand when you please, and bid me go spin: It is not you, says I , that I suspect, but the Laws of Matrimony puts the Power into your Hands; bids you do it, commands you to command; and binds me, forsooth, to obey; you, that are now upon even Terms with me, and I with you, says I , are the next Hour set up upon the Throne, and the humble Wife plac’d at your Footstool; all the rest, all that you call Oneness of Interest, Mutual Affection, and the like , is Curtesie and Kindness then, and a Woman is indeed, infinitely oblig’d where she meets with it; but can’t help herself where it fails.

Well, he did not give it over yet, but came to the serious Part, and there he thought he should be too many for me; he first hinted, that Marriage was decreed by Heaven; that it was the fix’d State of Life, which God had appointed for Man’s Felicity, and for establishing a legal Posterity; that there cou’d be no legal Claim of Estates by Inheritance, but by Children born in Wedlock; that all the rest was sunk under Scandal and Illegitimacy; and very well he talk’s upon that Subject, indeed.

But it wou’d not do; I took him short there; Look you, Sir, said I , you have an Advantage of me there indeed, in my particular Case; but it wou’d not be generous to make use of it; I readily grant, that it were better for me to have marry’d you, than to admit you to the Liberty I have given you; but as I cou’d not reconcile my Judgment to Marriage, for the Reasons above, and had Kindness enough for you, and Obligation too much on me, to resist you, I suffer’d your Rudeness, and gave up my Virtue; but I have two things before me to heal up that Breach of Honour, without that desperate one of Marriage; and those are, Repentance for what is past, and putting an End to it for Time to come.

He seem’d to be concern’d, to think that I shou’d take him in that Manner; he assur’d me that I mis-understood him; that he had more Manners, as well as more Kindness for me; and more Justice, than to reproach me with what he had been the Agressor in, and had surpriz’d me into; That what he spoke, refer’d to my Words above; that the Woman, if she thought fit, might entertain a Man, as the Man did a Mistress; and that I seem’d to mention that way of Living as justifiable, and setting it as a lawful thing, and in the Place of Matrimony.

Well, we strain’d some Compliments upon those Points, not worth repeating; and I added, I suppos’d when he got to-Bed to me, he thought himself sure of me; and indeed, in the ordinary Course of things, after he had lain with me, he ought to think so; but that, upon the same foot of Argument which I had discours’d with him upon, it was just the contrary; and when a Woman had been weak enough to yield up the last Point before Wedlock, it wou’d be adding one Weakness to another, to take the Man afterwards; to pin down the Shame of it upon herself all Days of her Life, and bind herself to live all her Time with the only Man that cou’d upbraid her with it; that in yielding at first, she must be a Fool, but to take the Man, is to be sure to be call’d Fool; that to resist a Man, is to act with Courage and Vigour, and to cast off the Reproach, which, in the Course of things, drops out of Knowledge, and dies; the Man goes one-way, and the Woman another, as Fate, and the Circumstances of Living direct; and if they keep one-another’s Council, the Folly is heard no more of; but to take the Man, says I , is the most preposterous thing in Nature, and (saving your Presence) is to befoul one’s-self, and live always in the Smell of it; No, no , added I, after a Man has lain with me as a Mistress , he ought never to lye with me as a Wife ; that’s not only preserving the Crime in Memory, but it is recording it in the Family; if the Woman marries the Man afterwards, she bears the Reproach of it to the last Hour; if her Husband is not a Man of a hundred Thousand, he sometime or other upbraids her with it; if he has Children, they fail not one way or other, to hear of it; if the Children are virtuous, they do their Mother the Justice to hate her for it; if they are wicked, they give her the Mortification of doing the like, and giving her for the Example: On the other-hand, if the Man and the Woman part, there is an End of the Crime, and an End of the Clamour; Time wears out the Memory of it; or a Woman may remove but a few Streets, and she soon out-lives it, and hears no more of it.

He was confounded at this Discourse, and told me, he cou’d not say but I was right in the Main; that as to that Part relating to managing Estates, it was arguing a la Cavalier , [175] a la Cavalier : cavalierly, without much care. it was in some Sence, right, if the Women were able to carry it on so, but that in general, the Sex were not capable of it; their Heads were not turn’d for it, and they had better choose a Person capable, and honest, that knew how to do them Justice, as Women, as well as to love them; and that then the Trouble was all taken off of their Hands.

I told him, it was a dear Way of purchasing their Ease; for very often when the Trouble was taken off of their Hands, so was their Money too; and that I thought it was far safer for the Sex not to be afraid of the Trouble, but to be really afraid of their Money; that if no-body was trusted, no-body wou’d be deceiv’d; and the Staff in their own Hands, was the best Security in the World.

He reply’d, that I had started a new thing in the World; that however I might support it by subtle reasoning, yet it was a way of arguing that was contrary to the general Practice, and that he confess’d he was much disappointed in it; that had he known I wou’d have made such a Use of it, he wou’d never have attempted what he did, which he had no wicked Design in, resolving to make me Reparation, and that he was very sorry he had been so unhappy; that he was very sure he shou’d never upbraid me with it hereafter, and had so good an Opinion of me, as to believe I did not suspect him; but seeing I was positive in refusing him, notwithstanding what had pass’d, he had nothing to do but to secure me from Reproach, by going back again to Paris , that so, according to my own way of arguing, it might die out of Memory, and I might never meet with it again to my Disadvantage.