Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

It is pity, said I , that I should sit here, and make that Gentleman no Amends; if you wou’d direct me, Sir, said I , how to do it, I wou’d make him a handsome Present, and acknowledge the Justice he had done to me, as well as to the Prince, his Master: He said he wou’d do what I directed in it; so I told him, I would send him 500 Crowns; that’s too much , said he, for you are but half interested in the Usage of the Jew; it was on his Master’s Account he corrected him, not on yours : Well, however, we were oblig’d to do nothing in it, for neither of us knew how to direct a Letter to him, or to direct any-body to him; so I told him, I wou’d leave it till I came to England , for that my Woman, Amy , corresponded with him, and that he had made Love to her.

Well, but Sir, said I , as in requital for his generous Concern for me, I am careful to think of him; it is but just, that what Expence you have been oblig’d to be at, which was all on my Account, shou’d be repaid you; and therefore, said I , let me see – and there I paus’d , and began to reckon up what I had observ’d from his own Discourse, it had cost him in the several Disputes, and Hearings, which he had with that Dog of a Jew , and I cast them up at something above 2130 Crowns; so I pull’d out some Bills which I had upon a Merchant in Amsterdam , and a particular Account in Bank, and was looking on them, in order to give them to him.

When he seeing evidently what I was going about, interrupted me with some Warmth, and told me, he wou’d have nothing of me on that Account, and desir’d I wou’d not pull out my Bills and Papers on that Score; that he had not told me the Story on that Account, or with any such View; that it had been his Misfortune first to bring that ugly Rogue to me, which, tho’ it was with a good Design, yet he wou’d punish himself with the Expence he had been at, for his being so unlucky to me; that I cou’d not think so hard of him, as to suppose he wou’d take Money of me, a Widow , for serving me, and doing Acts of Kindness to me in a strange Country, and in Distress too; but, he said , he wou’d repeat what he had said before, that he kept me for a deeper Reckoning, and that, as he had told me, he would put me into a Posture to Even [163] a Posture to Even : a position to settle. all that Favour, as I call’d it, at once , so we shou’d talk it over another time, and ballance all together.

Now I expected it wou’d come out, but still he put it off, as before, from whence I concluded, it cou’d not be Matter of Love , for that those things are not usually delay’d in such a manner, and therefore it must be Matter of Money; upon which Thought, I broke the Silence, and told him, that as he knew I had, by Obligation, more Kindness for him, than to deny any Favour to him that I could grant, and that he seem’d backward to mention his Case; I begg’d Leave of him to give me Leave to ask him, whether any-thing lay upon his Mind, with respect to his Business and Effects in the World? that if it did, he knew what I had in the World, as well as I did; and that if he wanted Money, I wou’d let him have any Sum for his Occasion, as far as five or six Thousand Pistoles, and he shou’d pay me as his own Affairs wou’d permit; and that, if he never paid me, I wou’d assure him, that I wou’d never give him any Trouble for it.

He rise up with Ceremony, and gave me Thanks, in Terms that sufficiently told me, he had been bred among People more polite, and more courteous, than is esteem’d the ordinary Usage of the Dutch ; [164] the ordinary Usage of the Dutch : the merchant is probably aware that his countrymen were often accused of avarice and boorishness. and after his Compliment was over, he came nearer to me, and told me, that he was oblig’d to assure me, tho’ with repeated Acknowledgements of my kind Offer, that he was not in any want of Money; that he had met with no Uneasiness in any of his Affairs, no not of any Kind whatever, except that of the Loss of his Wife, and one of his Children, which indeed, had troubled him much; but that this was no Part of what he had to offer to me, and by granting which, I shou’d ballance all Obligations; but that, in short, it was that seeing Providence had (as it were for that Purpose) taken his Wife from him, I wou’d make up the Loss to him; and with that, he held me fast in his Arms, and kissing me, wou’d not give me Leave to say No, and hardly to Breathe.

At length, having got room to speak, I told him, that, as I had said before, I could deny him but one thing in the World; I was very sorry he shou’d propose that thing only that I cou’d not grant.

I could not but smile however, to myself, that he shou’d make so many Circles, and round-about Motions, to come at a Discourse which had no such rarity at the Bottom of it, if he had known all: But there was another Reason why I resolv’d not to have him, when, at the same time, if he had courted me in a Manner less honest or virtuous, I believe I shou’d not have denied him; but I shall come to that Part presently.

He was, as I have said, long a-bringing it out, but when he had brought it out, he pursued it with such Importunities, as would admit of no Denial, at least he intended they shou’d not ; but I resisted them obstinately, and yet with Expressions of the utmost Kindness and Respect for him that cou’d be imagin’d; often telling him, there was nothing else in the World that I cou’d deny him, and shewing him all the Respect, and upon all Occasions treating him with Intimacy and Freedom, as if he had been my Brother.

He tried all the Ways imaginable to bring his Design to pass, but I was inflexible; at last, he thought of a Way, which, he flatter’d himself, wou’d not fail; nor would he have been mistaken perhaps, in any other Woman in the World, but me ; this was, to try if he cou’d take me at an Advantage, and get to-Bed to me, and then, as was most rational to think , I should willingly enough marry him afterwards.

We were so intimate together, that nothing but Man and Wife could, or at least ought to be, more; but still our Freedoms kept within the Bounds of Modesty and Decency; But one Evening, above all the rest, we were very merry, and I fancy’d he push’d the Mirth to watch for his Advantage; and I resolv’d that I wou’d, at least, feign to be as merry as he; and that, in short, if he offer’d any-thing, he shou’d have his Will easily enough.

About One a-Clock in the Morning, for so long we sat up together, I said, Come , ’tis One a-Clock, I must go to-Bed; Well , says he, I’ll go with you ; No, No, says I, go to your own Chamber ; he said he wou’d go to-Bed with me: Nay , says I, if you will , I don’t know what to say; if I can’t help it, you must : However, I got from him, left him, and went into my Chamber, but did not shut the Door; and as he cou’d easily see that I was undressing myself, he steps to his own Room, which was but on the same Floor, and in a few Minutes undresses himself also, and returns to my Door in his Gown and Slippers.

I thought he had been gone indeed, and so that he had been in jest; and by the way, thought either he had no-mind to the thing, or that he never intended it; so I shut my Door, that is, latch’d it, for I seldom lock’d or bolted it, and went to-Bed; I had not been in-Bed a Minute, but he comes in his Gown, to the Door, and opens it a little-way, but not enough to come in, or look in, and says softly, What are you really gone to-Bed? Yes, yes , says I, get you gone : No indeed, says he, I shall not begone, you gave me Leave before, to come to-Bed, and you shan’t say get you gone now : So he comes into my Room, and then turns about, and fastens the Door, and immediately comes to the Bedside to me: I pretended to scold and struggle, and bid him begone, with more Warmth than before; but it was all one; he had not a Rag of Cloaths on, but his Gown and Slippers, and Shirt; so he throws off his Gown, and throws open the Bed, and came in at once.