Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I made a seeming Resistance, but it was no more indeed; for, as above , I resolv’d from the Beginning, he shou’d Lye with me if he wou’d, and for the rest, I left it to come after.

Well, he lay with me that Night, and the two next, and very merry we were all the three Days between; but the third Night he began to be a little more grave: Now, my Dear, says he , tho’ I have push’d this Matter farther than ever I intended; or than, I believe, you expected from me, who never made any Pretences to you but what were very honest; yet to heal it all up, and let you see how sincerely I meant at first, and how honest I will ever be to you, I am ready to marry you still, and desire you to let it be done to-Morrow Morning; and I will give you the same fair Conditions of Marriage as I wou’d have done before.

This, it must be own’d, was a Testimony that he was very honest, and that he lov’d me sincerely; but I construed it quite another Way, namely, that he aim’d at the Money: But how surpriz’d did he look! and how was he confounded, when he found me receive his Proposal with Coldness and Indifference! and still tell him, that it was the only thing I cou’d not grant!

He was astonish’d! What, not take me now! says he , when I have been a-Bed with you! I answer’d coldly, tho’ respectfully still, It is true , to my Shame be it spoken, says I, that you have taken me by Surprize, and have had your Will of me; but I hope you will not take it ill that I cannot consent to Marry, for-all that; if I am with-Child , said I, Care must be taken to manage that as you shall direct; I hope you won’t expose me, for my having expos’d myself to you, but I cannot go any farther ; and at that Point I stood, and wou’d hear of no Matrimony, by any means.

Now because this may seem a little odd, I shall state the Matter clearly, as I understood it myself; I knew that while I was a Mistress, it is customary for the Person kept, to receive from them that keep; but if I shou’d be a Wife, all I had then, was given up to the Husband, and I was thenceforth to be under his Authority only; and as I had Money enough, and needed not fear being what they call a cast-off Mistress , so I had no need to give him twenty Thousand Pound to marry me, which had been buying my Lodging too dear a great deal.

Thus his Project of coming to-Bed to me, was a Bite [165] Bite : trick, hoax. upon himself, while he intended it for a Bite upon me; and he was no nearer his Aim of marrying me, than he was before; all his Arguments he could urge upon the Subject of Matrimony, were at an End, for I positively declin’d marrying him; and as he had refus’d the thousand Pistoles which I had offer’d him in Compensation for his Expenses and Loss, at Paris , with the Jew , and had done it upon the Hopes he had of marrying me; so when he found his Way difficult still, he was amaz’d, and, I had some Reason to believe, repented that he had refus’d the Money.

But thus it is when Men run into wicked Measures, to bring their Designs about; I that was infinitely oblig’d to him before, began to talk to him, as if I had ballanc’d Accounts with him now; and that the Favour of Lying with a Whore, was equal, not to the thousand Pistoles only, but to all the Debt I ow’d him, for saving my Life, and all my Effects.

But he drew himself into it, and tho’ it was a dear Bargain, yet it was a Bargain of his own making; he cou’d not say I had trick’d him into it; but as he projected and drew me in to lye with him, depending that it was a sure Game in order to [166] in order to : to bring about. a Marriage, so I granted him the Favour, as he call’d it, to ballance the Account of Favours receiv’d from him, and keep the thousand Pistoles with a good Grace.

He was extremely disappointed in this Article, and knew not how to manage for a great-while; and as I dare say, if he had not expected to have made it an Earnest for marrying me, he would never have attempted me the other way; so, I believ’d, if it had not been for the Money, which he knew I had, he wou’d never have desir’d to marry me after he had lain with me: For, where is the Man that cares to marry a Whore, tho’ of his own making? And as I knew him to be no Fool, so I did him no Wrong, when I suppos’d that, but for the Money, he wou’d not have had any Thoughts of me that Way; especially after my yielding as I had done; in which it is to be remember’d, that I made no Capitulation for marrying him, when I yielded to him, but let him do just what he pleas’d, without any previous Bargain.

Well, hitherto we went upon Guesses at one-another’s Designs; but as he continued to importune me to marry, tho’ he had lain with me, and still did lye with me as often as he pleas’d, and I continued to refuse to marry him, tho’ I let him lye with me whenever he desir’d it; I say, as these two Circumstances made up our Conversation, [167] Conversation : intimacy, relationship. it cou’d not continue long thus, but we must come to an Explanation.

One Morning, in the middle of our unlawful Freedoms, that is to say, when we were in Bed together; he sigh’d, and told me, he desir’d my Leave to ask me one Question, and that I wou’d give him an Answer to it with the same ingenuous Freedom and Honesty, that I had us’d to treat him with; I told him I wou’d: Why then his Question was, why I wou’d not marry him, seeing I allow’d him all the Freedom of a Husband? Or, says he , my Dear, since you have been so kind as to take me to your Bed, why will you not make me your Own, and take me for good-and-all , that we may enjoy ourselves, without any Reproach to one-another ?

I told him, that as I confess’d it was the only thing I cou’d not comply with him in, so it was the only thing in all my Actions, that I could not give him a Reason for; that it was true, I had let him come to-Bed to me, which was suppos’d to be the greatest Favour a Woman could grant; but it was evident, and he might see it, that as I was sensible of the Obligation I was under to him, for saving me from the worst Circumstance it was possible for me to be brought to, I could deny him nothing; and if I had had any greater Favour to yield him, I should have done it, that of Matrimony only excepted , and he cou’d not but see that I lov’d him to an extraordinary Degree, in every Part of my Behaviour to him; but that as to marrying, which was giving up my Liberty, it was what once he knew I had done, and he had seen how it had hurried me up and down in the World, and what it had expos’d me to; that I had an Aversion to it, and desir’d he wou’d not insist upon it; he might easily see I had no Aversion to him; and that if I was with-Child by him, he shou’d see a Testimony of my Kindness to the Father, for that I wou’d settle all I had in the World upon the Child.

He was mute a good-while; at last, says he , Come, my Dear, you are the first Woman in the World that ever lay with a Man, and then refus’d to marry him, and therefore there must be some other Reason for your Refusal; and I have therefore, one other Request, and that is, If I guess at the true Reason, and remove the Objection, will you then yield to me? I told him, if he remov’d the Objection, I must needs comply, for I shou’d certainly do every-thing that I had no Objection against.

Why then, my Dear, it must be, that either you are already engag’d, and marry’d to some other Man, or you are not willing to dispose of your Money to me, and expect to advance yourself higher with your Fortune; now, if it be the first of these, my Mouth will be stopp’d, and I have no more to say; but if it be the last, I am prepar’d effectually to remove the Objection, and answer all you can say on that Subject.