Даниэль Дефо - Roxana

I was rich, beautiful, and agreeable, and not yet old; I had known something of the Influence I had had upon the Fancies of Men, even of the highest Rank; I never forgot that the Prince de — had said with an Extasie, that I was the finest Woman in France ; I knew I cou’d make a Figure at London , and how well I cou’d grace that Figure; I was not at a Loss how to behave, and having already been ador’d by Princes, I thought of nothing less than of being Mistress to the King himself: But I go back to my immediate Circumstances at that time.

I got over the Absence of my honest Merchant but slowly at first; it was with infinite Regret that I let him go at-all; and when I read the Letter he left, I was quite confounded; as soon as he was out of Call, and irrecoverable, I woul’d have given half I had in the World, for him back again; my Notions of things chang’d in an Instant, and I call’d myself a thousand Fools, for casting myself upon a Life of Scandal and Hazard; when after the Shipwreck of Virtue, Honour, and Principle, and failing at the utmost Risque in the stormy Seas of Crime, and abominable Levity, I had a safe Harbour presented, and no Heart to cast-Anchor in it.

His Predictions terrify’d me; his Promises of Kindness if I came to Distress, melted me into Tears, but frighted me with the Apprehensions of ever coming into such Distress, and fill’d my Head with a thousand Anxieties and Thoughts, how it shou’d be possible for me, who had now such a Fortune, to sink again into Misery.

Then the dreadful Scene of my Life, when I was left with my five Children, &c . as I have related, represented itself again to me, and I sat considering what Measures I might take to bring myself to such a State of Desolation again, and how I shou’d act to avoid it.

But these things wore off gradually; as to my Friend, the Merchant, he was gone, and gone irrecoverably, for I durst not follow him to Paris , for the Reasons mention’d above; again, I was afraid to write to him to return, lest he shou’d have refus’d, as I verily believ’d he wou’d; so I sat and cry’d intollerably, for some Days, nay, I may say, for some Weeks; but I say, it wore off gradually; and as I had a pretty deal of Business for managing my Effects, the Hurry of that particular Part, serv’d to divert my Thoughts, and in part to wear out the Impressions which had been made upon my Mind.

I had sold my Jewels, all but the fine Diamond Ring, which my Gentleman, the Jeweller, us’d to wear; and this, at proper times, I wore myself; as also the Diamond Necklace, which the Prince had given me, and a Pair of extraordinary Ear-Rings, worth about 600 Pistoles; the other, which was a fine Casket, he left with me at his going to Versailles , and a Small Case with some Rubies and Emeralds, &c . I say, I sold them at the Hague for 7600 Pistoles; I had receiv’d all the Bills which the Merchant had help’d me to at Paris , and with the Money I brought with me, they made up 13900 Pistoles more; so that I had in Ready-Money, and in Account in the Bank at Amsterdam , [179] the Bank at Amsterdam : The Bank of Amsterdam was a celebrated exchange bank, founded in 1609 and dissolved in 1796. above One and twenty Thousand Pistoles, [180] One and twenty Thousand Pistoles : £18,060. besides Jewels; and how to get this Treasure to England , was my next Care.

The Business I had had now with a great many People, for receiving such large Sums, and selling Jewels of such considerable Value, gave me Opportunity to know and converse with several of the best Merchants of the Place; so that I wanted no Direction now, how to get my Money remitted to England ; applying therefore, to several Merchants, that I might neither risque it all on the Credit of one Merchant, nor suffer any single Man to know the Quantity of Money I had; I say, applying myself to several Merchants, I got Bills of Exchange, payable in London ; for all my Money; the first Bills I took with me; the second Bills [181] the second Bills : see note 69. I left in Trust, (in case of any Disaster at Sea) in the Hands of the first Merchant, him to whom I was recommended by my Friend from Paris .

Having thus spent nine Months in Holland ; refus’d the best Offer ever Woman in my Circumstances had; parted unkindly, and indeed, barbarously with the best Friend, and honestest Man in the World; got all my Money in my Pocket, and a Bastard in my Belly, I took Shipping at the Briel, [182] the Briel : Brielle, Holland. in the Packet-Boat, and arriv’d safe at Harwich , where my Woman, Amy , was come, by my Direction, to meet me.

I wou’d willingly have given ten Thousand Pounds of my Money, to have been rid of the Burthen I had in my Belly, as above; but it cou’d not be; so I was oblig’d to bear with that Part, and get rid of it by the ordinary Method of Patience, and a hard Travel. [183] Travel : travail, labour of childbirth.

I was above the contemptible Usage that Women in my Circumstances oftentimes meet with; I had consider’d all that before-hand; and having sent Amy beforehand, and remitted her Money to do it, she had taken me a very handsome House, in — Street , near Charing-Cross ; had hir’d me two Maids, and a Footman, who she had put in a good Livery, and having hir’d a Glass-Coach [184] a Glass-Coach : a coach with glass windows, and hence a private coach hired for so many weeks or months, as distinguished from coaches with unglazed, curtained windows at public stands. and four Horses, she came with them and the Man-Servant, to Harwich , to meet me, and had been there near a Week before I came; so I had nothing to do, but to go-away to London , to my own House, where I arriv’d in very good Health, and where I pass’d for a French Lady, by the Title of —.

My first Business was, to get all my Bills accepted; which, to cut the Story short, was all both accepted, and currently paid; and I then resolv’d to take me a Country-Lodging somewhere near the Town, to be Incognito , till I was brought-to-Bed; which, appearing in such a Figure, and having such an Equipage, [185] Equipage : coach and footmen. I easily manag’d, without any-body’s offering the usual Insults of Parish-Enquiries: [186] the usual Insults of Parish-Enquiries : In order to avoid the expense to the parish of bastard children or legitimate children born to women too poor to care for them, the parish officers were aggressively and often offensively forward in inquiring into the legal ‘settlement’ of pregnant paupers. A poor pregnant woman found in a parish where she had no legal settlement would be unceremoniously returned to the parish she had come from. See notes 29 and 30. I did not appear in my new House for some time; and afterwards I thought fit, for particular Reasons, to quit that House, and not come to it at-all, but take handsome large Apartments in the Pall-mall , [187] the Pall-mall : The houses on the south side of the street overlooked the King’s Garden, next to St James’s Palace, though it is unlikely that any of them had a private door into the garden. Charles II’s mistress, Nell Gwynn, was given a house in this street (on the site of the present No. 79) by the King. Like Roxana, Nell Gwynn had lived for a while in another house near by. in a House, out of which was a private Door into the King’s Garden, by the Permission of the Chief Gardener, who had liv’d in the House.

I had now all my Effects secur’d; but my Money being my great Concern at that time, I found it a Difficulty how to dispose of it, so as to bring me in annual Interest; however, in some time I got a substantial safe Mortgage for 14000 Pound, by the Assistance of the famous Sir Robert Clayton , [188] Sir Robert Clayton : Clayton (1603–1707) amassed a huge fortune and became a well-known Whig politician, serving as Lord Mayor of London in 1679–80, and frequently thereafter as a Member of Parliament. He acquired a reputation for avariciousness and unscrupulousness and was twice attacked by Defoe, directly in The Reformation of Manners (1702; reprinted in A True Collection of the Writings of the True-Born Englishman , 1703), and obliquely in A Journal of the Plague Year (1722; Penguin Books, 1966), p. 24. At one time he acted as financial adviser to Nell Gwynn. for which, I had an Estate of 1800 Pounds a Year bound to me; and had 700 Pounds per Annum Interest for it.