Barbara Angelis - What Women Want Men To Know

“Right,” he answered.

“So,” I said to him with a mischievous smile, “by learning about your car and understanding how it works, were you becoming like your car? Do you feel more like a car since you read the manual? When the dealer who sold you the vehicle gave you the manual, did you become defensive and say, ‘Hey, do you want me to become like a car?’”

The audience laughed, and the man laughed along with them, because he couldn’t argue with my logic.

“See, your car is very valuable to you,” I explained. “It’s an investment, so you want to protect that investment and learn everything you can about making sure the car works perfectly. Now, I notice you’re sitting next to a woman who appears to be very happy with everything I’m saying, so I assume it’s your wife?”

“Yeah, she made me come tonight.” He grinned.

“Well, guess what? She’s your investment, and a more expensive one than the car, I might add! So why not learn all you can about her, how to keep her ‘running properly,’ so to speak, and then you’ll get the most out of your investment…and more enjoyable rides too!”

The audience applauded enthusiastically, and the man thanked me and sat down, kissing his wife, who was, I’m sure, thrilled that she had dragged him to my seminar.

I admit I like using car analogies with men, because they are effective in getting the point across – that learning more about that which is valuable to you is your way of protecting and taking care of what is yours. Educating yourself about what is important to you is a way to make yourself more powerful as a man, not less powerful.

In areas of your life other than your intimate relationships, you probably find it easier to be open to learning and improving yourself. For instance, you’d never be defensive or reluctant about reading the manual for your new car, or your new VCR, or your new cell phone. In the same way, if you had to make an important presentation for work to a new client, you’d want to learn everything you could about him and his company to ensure that you’d make a good impression – you’d never say to your boss: “I don’t need any help figuring out what to say. Stop telling me what to do all the time.” And if you’re a golfer, or if you play tennis, or participate in any other sport, you read and learn everything you can about how to master that sport – you’d never stubbornly insist that you didn’t need any help, that learning from other people would make you a wimp.

You know where I’m going with all of this, right? Your intimate relationship is your most important and valuable investment. The more you learn about women and about love, the better you’ll become as a husband or lover, and the more control you will have over your love life.

While flying to New York recently, I was seated next to a gentleman of Asian-American descent who is a consultant to large corporations and business executives on understanding and operating successfully within the Asian culture. He is considered an expert in his field, and companies pay him a lot of money to train their staffs in how to relate to their business counterparts in Japan, China, Singapore, and other Pacific Rim countries. This man told me fascinating stories about companies that tried to take their businesses overseas without educating themselves about the cultural differences, and ran into problem after problem. “It’s amazing,” he explained to me, “how comprehending the differences between cultures, and learning just a few simple tips for effective communication and behavior, can be the key to billions of dollars of profit, and the difference between success and failure.”

As I listened to this very intelligent man, I couldn’t help but think about the work I do, and when he was finished with his story, I said, “Well, it seems that we’re in the same profession.”

“Really?” he replied. “Are you a cross-cultural consultant too?”

“In a way,” I responded with a smile. “I teach men and women how to understand each other.”

The man laughed and said: “Then I have no doubt your job is harder than mine!”

Just as, until they undergo the proper education, this man’s clients can’t be expected to understand their business associates from a totally different culture, so too you can’t be expected to understand women just because you love us! Why? Because as you already know too well, men and women are very different. Besides, the truth is that as women, we don’t always understand ourselves, and if we can’t figure out why we are the way we are, how in the world can we expect you to understand us? As you’ll see when you read What Women Want Men to Know , it wasn’t just written for men in order to help you understand women – it was written to help us as women understand ourselves, so we can communicate more precisely and more effectively with you about what we want and need in ways you can actually hear us.

If you are reading these words right now, chances are that this book was given to you by a woman who loves you. Perhaps it was your wife, your lover, a close friend, your ex-girlfriend, your sister-in-law, but definitely someone who wants you to be happy and successful in your relationships.

If your partner gave you this book:

She isn’t saying that you are the problem.

She isn’t saying she is upset with you.

She isn’t saying that you aren’t doing it right.

She isn’t complaining or making you feel wrong.

She isn’t implying that she’s perfect and you’re the one who’s messed up.

She isn’t insinuating that it’s all your fault.

She isn’t alleging that you’re stupid and can’t figure this stuff out for yourself.

If your wife or girlfriend gave you this book, she is simply saying that she loves you.She wants things to be better, she wants your relationship to last, she wants to make you happy, and she feels you might get some information from this book that will help you act in ways that will allow her to be more of what you want her to be! Be happy that someone cares about you this much and is reaching out rather than shutting down.

If someone other than your partner gave you this book, know that she, or he, is a true friend who wants the best for you.

If you found your own way to this book, it is because you love women and want to make your relationships with them easier, full of more joy and less stress. I applaud you for being a man of vision. If you are already involved with someone, she is lucky indeed to have a man who cares enough to want to become a better partner and lover. And if you haven’t found your true love yet, believe me, she is going to be happy and grateful when she meets you.

Perhaps at this point in your reading, despite how much sense all of this is (hopefully!) making, you hear a familiar, rebellious voice in your head that says:

“Jeez, another of my wife’s books. She’s always trying to ‘fix’ me, like I’m screwed up or something. I’m sure it’s going to tell me that all the problems in our relationship are my fault, that I need to change. I don’t need this! Why should I listen to some other woman I don’t even know telling me what to do? What a waste of time.”

Here’s my response:

This book is going to make you feel smarter and more competent, not stupid and incompetent.

It’s going to make you feel less out of control, and more in control.

It’s going to give you more power over your life, not ask you to give up your power.

And the small amount of time you spend reading it will be nothing compared to the amount of time you will save because you will be having less arguments, less hassles, and less unhappy moments.