Andreas Meyer - YOU COULD DIE ANY DAY

I brought my duffel bag and my box to the counter to have it checked in. The friendly guy from the ground crew offered me a nice seat in the jet and gave me my ticket. From the windows of the waiting room you could see to the runway. It was pouring with rain outside but that didn´t bother us at all.

Then it was time. The boarding began. We all drove with a shuttle bus directly to the plane. In the Airbus I sat down and immediately stretched out my legs to check if would feel comfortable with my long legs. Being 1,95 meters tall can become quite a torture on a long flight. On that seat it felt just great. The ground crew guy kept his word. When I looked out of the window it was still raining. At the same moment, over there in KUNDUZ it must be 45 degree in the shade, I thought to myself. I couldn´t stop thinking of it: Tomorrow I´ll be back there. Tomorrow I will meet Thomas in the evening and we will talk about our day and we will play "Kicker" (table football).

Finally, after all these preparations, courses and trainings we were heading to Afghanistan. I get comfortable in my seat and watch the jet filling with people. The boarding is finished quickly and the doors are closed. The Airbus rolls slowly down the runway to its starting point. I feel how the noise inside calms down. All are in their seats. I put on my headphones to listen to music. Some take pictures with their mobile phones or cameras. Everybody is relaxed. We take off on time. Next stop is Nürnberg, where we will pick up the rest of our mixed unit. This doesn´t take longer than an hour and we´re on our way again directly to Termez.

What I didn´t know that moment is that my friend and comrade Oberfeldwebel Christian S. was going to die on this day in a tragic accident. It happened while I was sitting on my flight passing over Russia´s wide country highlighted by beautiful sunshine. No one thought that two comrades would die on such a lovely day. We were landing in Termez at 2230. To make it through the few hours we had to wait for our following flight to Kunduz we were given some tea, some warm sausages and a field bed.

The next morning, we entered the Transall which departed at 0400 to bring us to our final destination. It was still dark when we took off but already an hour later we dashed down almost vertical in a 90 degree angle towards the airport of Kunduz. You need to know that the German pilots in Afghanistan have to fly relaying only on vision, map and compass due to the lack of a more modern aircraft than the C-160. These kinds of maneuvers were absolutely common these days. So everybody was literally thrown out of sleep and seat.

After the landing the sun was shining and the heat was almost killing us. A feeling as if you got hit by a wooden plank right in your face.

I am back in Kunduz. Like six weeks ago we got picked up by Mungos and various jeeps of different brands. Later I asked myself how it is possible to fall in love with a country that you don´t even know. But this country enchants me in a way that I cannot resist. Its people, the surroundings, the exotic smell on its markets and even this awful heat is a mixture to which I got addicted to very fast. It´s like someone flips the switch and the light turns on. Also, the kindness of these people and their hospitality impresses me over and over again.

Arriving at the camp we were welcomed at the "Market" but different from how it was the last time.

The Spieß and the COY commander of our predecessors led us to our provisional accommodations. It´s common that you stay in tents until your predecessors have left. Only then you can move to a solid accommodation. Later that day we picked up our luggage from the air logistics platoon which is located at the other end of the camp.

The camp is located on a big former fruit plantation. On its grounds we have trees with different kinds of fruits like lemon, oranges and figs irrigated by moats running through the whole camp. If you could ignore the hostile environment in the area around us it might feel like holidays. Together with some comrades I brought my bags and the box to my tent where I would stay for the next 14 days. Then it was time for breakfast followed by the standard official welcome of the "new guys".

Due to the short night and the long flight the day before I didn´t think a lot about my arrival. The only thought I perceived for a moment were all those flags that are hoisted on half-mast. But I was too confused by then to recognize its meaning and become upset. In my mind I was already engrossed in my in processing, a procedure every new arrival has to go through. You get a bunch of papers that have to be handed over, signed, stamped or signed by every station to receive your bullet proof west or so called bristol, your pistol, assault rifle and cleaning kit, your bed linen and all the other stuff a soldier needs. This mind grinding and annoying procedure takes you a minimum of 2 to 3 days depending on where the location of each station is at and how quickly you can get there. Of course, you also have to go through the medical check to assure that every necessary medical treatment was done back in Germany.

Later that day I had some unscheduled time, so I went over to the security COY to check if Christian might be in. I entered the tent and asked the first guy I saw if he had an idea of where Christian might be. This front office soldier looked at me kind of confused and pointed to a framed picture with a black ribbon on its left corner that showed Christian. In that moment I was just thinking: " Is that guy f*cking kidding me?!" That must be the worst joke ever. But that private just nodded and explained to me how Christian was killed 2 days ago in an accident with an ammunition truck in the vicinity of Rustack.

I am dumbfounded - I can´t feel anything - emptiness. I can´t believe it. How can Christian be gone? No talks, no hanging around at the MWR tent after duty having drinks or just watch the afghan heaven with all its stars at night and listen to the cicadas? All this should be over now?

Everybody of the new ones were shocked when hearing this tragic news. To stay at good state of mental health everyone of us had to find away cope with such a loss. I have to keep focused on my mission. For that reason, I suppressed my feelings and thoughts at that moment. For now, I have to concentrate all my energy on my duties. I say Bye to that soldier and head the direct way to my accommodation. Arriving there I can´t hold it back any longer. For the first time in my life as a soldier I am overwhelmed by feelings of fear and helplessness. I can´t hold back the tears.

I am alone in the tent. After some time I dry my

tears and take care of my documents.

An hour later I meet my boss from the J4 section, Major K. in the MWR tent. We´re discussing some topics regarding the hand over with our predecessors. During the conversation I don´t mention any word of Christian’s death. I cannot because I can´t even believe it. It just can´t be true. He is the second person I lost while being absent. First my grandma whom I was very close to. I wasn´t able to be there either when it happened. And now Christian too was dragged out of my life without giving me the chance to say good bye. How many more will I lose?

Grief in the first hours

I

n the following weeks we take over the duties from our predecessors. As mentioned before, my main duty in this first mission is a logistics administrator. A job that is mainly done in front of a desk and requires an awful lot of phone calls. But at least during my inspections of the individual subunits I was able to recognize and solve issues and take care of a lack of material in direct contact with the ones in need.