Henry Beard - X-Treme Latin (Lingua Latina Extrema)

Don’t blame me-I voted for Miss Piggy

Nolite me culpare-Suffragatus sum Erae Porcellae

Jesus loves you-everyone else thinks you’re an asshole

Te amat Iesus-ceteri te putant irrumatorem

If you can read this, I lost my trailer

Si hoc potes legere, traheam meam amisi

Celebrity Shark Attack

Impetus Pistricum in Insignes

Supermodel Food Fight

Pulcherrimae Inter Se Luctantes Edulibus

Beach Babe Lapdance Showdown

Certamen Ultimum Saltandi Nympharum Litoralium in Genibus Virorum

Blow Job Island

Insula Fellatoria

Nationwide Red Alert Hot Bod Strip Search

Inquisitio Summa Cum Vigilantia Per Omnes Nationis Partes Diffusa Corporum Formosiorum Nudatorum

Meet the Organ Donors

Salvete, O Daturi Membra Post Mortem

Baby-sitters from Hell Bring Home Animals that Kill for Fun

Nutriculae Infernales in Domos Adducunt Feras Quae ad Delicias Interficiunt

Big Fat Slobs Eat Shit for Cash

Helluones Squalidi Merdam Pro Nummis Comedunt

Who Wants to Marry a Rich Old Fart with a Terminal Disease?

Quis Vult Nubere Peditori Capulari Diviti?

That’s a load of bull, and you know it!

Merae fabulae sunt, et eas esse tales scis!

You wouldn’t know a fact if one hit you on the head!

Rem veram non cognoscas etiamsi frontem tibi feriat!

You’re a liberal stooge!

Pedisequus parasiticus es popularium!

You’re a right-wing moron!

Stipator stultus es optimatum!

See you next week!

Vos revisemus post septimanam!

Bass-fishing- Piscatus Percarum

Let me guess-you have to drink the beer to make room in the ice chest for all the fish you catch

Ut coniecturam faciam-necesse est tibi bibere cerevisiam ut locum in cista glaciei des piscibus captis

It’s a keeper!

Licet mihi hunc retinere!

Stock car racing- Certamen Curruum Generalium

When are they going to start running into each other and blowing up?

Quando inter se collidentes incipient in flammas dirumpi?

Pit stop!

Statio restaurativa!

Wrestling- Luctatus

Something tells me that the mean-looking bearded guy dressed up like the Ayatollah is no match for the wily Captain America

Suspicor illum truculentum barbatum ritu archierei Persici vestitum non esse comparem Centurioni Americano vafro

Smashmouth! Smackdown!

Ictus in os! Prostratio!

Bungee jumping- Saltus de Ponte

How dumb would you have to be to jump off a bridge with a rope tied to your foot?

Quam vecors sit is qui de ponte saliat pedibus funiculo ligatis?

Geronimo!

Geronimo, geronimare!

Snowboarding- Super Nivem Labi

Hey dude, let’s head to the halfpipe, catch some major air, and stick some tricks!

Heus, laute, contendamus ad canalem nivalem ut aerem oppido capientes nonnullas technas exsequamur!

Super rad! I’m stoked!

Maxime radicitus! Flagro!

The Olympics- Olympia

I’ll vote for the Greek in the wrestling if you vote for the Roman in the chariot race

Graeco palmam dabo in certamine luctandi si Romano palmam dabis in certamine quadrigarum

Deal!

Fiat haec pactio!

You want a part of me? Bring it on!

Visne partem mei capere? Comminus agamus!

Are you dissing me?

Insultasne tu miki?

You’re yesterday’s news

In actis diurnis iamdudum es celebratus

You’re toast

Mox corvos pasces

You don’t know your ass from a catacomb

Non possis distinguere tuum podicem a Puticulis

Your mother is so fat, when she’s in town, Rome has eight hills

Mater tua tam obesa est ut cum Romae est, urbs habet octo colles

* Your mother is so fat, when she’s in town Rome has eight hills

** Kiss my basilisk!

Your mother is so ugly, when the gods turned her into a pig, she thought her prayers had been answered

Mater tua tam turpis est ut cum di eam mutaverint in porcam, suas preces putaverit eos audivisse

Your mother is so stupid, when she found a coin with Caesar’s name on it, she tired to return it to him

Mater tua tam stulta est ut cum invenerit nummum ferentem nomen Caesaris, huic eum restituere conata sit

Go ahead, punk-make my day

Age, catamite-fac mihi hunc diem felicissimum

Road trip!

Iter faciamus!

Let’s party hearty!

Pergraecemur!

Wet T-shirt contest!

Certamen inter mammosas tunicis madefactis vestitas!

Go ahead, card me. See, I’ve got a Latin ID. I’m 2,000 years old.

Age, scrutare chartam identitatis meam. Ecce, est mihi syngraphus Latinus. Duo milia annorum sum natus.

I’m wasted!

Crapulentus sum!

I’m going to hurl!

Vomiturus sum!

Si Telephonium Non Tintinnat, Ego Voco

If Your Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me

Causam Tibi Dabo Bibendi

I’ll Give You Something to Drink About

Quomodo Una Nocte Facta Tam Turpis Es?

How Did You Get So Ugly Overnight?

Si Dies Hodiernus Esset Piscis, Reicerem

If Today Was a Fish I’d Throw it Back

Mater Cape Malleum, Musca Sedet in Capite Patris

Mother Get the Hammer, There’s a Fly on Papa’s Head

Si Me Deseras, Liceatne Mihi Te Comitari?

If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?

Quomodo Te Desiderare Potero Si Non Discesseris?

How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?

Per Anulum Illa Trusit Digitum Medicinalem, Ac Ostendit Mihi Digitum Medium

She Got the Ring, and I Got the Finger

Tu Causa Es Cur Liberi Nostri Tam Turpiculi Sint

You’re the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Sine Te Tam Miser Sum Ut Videaris Etiamnunc Adesse

I’m So Miserable Without You It’s Like Having You Here

Caput Dolet, Pedes Fetent, Iesum Non Amo

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus

Wassup?

Quagis?

Nothin’, watching the game

Nihil ago, ludos specto

True, true

Vero, vero

It’s off the hook

Ab unco remotumst

Talk to the hand, the face don’t understand

Adloquere manum, facies nescit quid velis

Black togas are cool

Togae atrae lepidae sunt

Want to see my sword collection?

Vin’ aspicere collectum gladiorum meum?

I’m thinking of taking a catapult into the school cafeteria…

Cogito ferre catapultam in cenationem scholae…

Make love, not war-hell, get married, do both

Suscipite amorem, non bellum-eheu, iuncti matrimonio, suscipite utrumque

Procrastinate now

Procrastina rem nunc

Flush twice, it’s a long way to Texas

Evacua cratera latrinalem bis, Texas procul est

If it has tits, tires, or testicles, it’s nothing but trouble

Mammeatae, rotalia, testiculati, omni modo molesta sunt

Gods are dead

Di mortui sunt

Beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder

Cervesia pota, pulchritudo cernitur

Yankee, go home-and take me with you

Americani, redite domum-ducentes me vobiscum

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

Si quidem animalia nobis edenda non sunt, quare constant ex carne?