Esther Perel - Mating in Captivity

9: Of Flesh and Fantasy

The whole fauna of human fantasies: Louis Aragon, from http:// en.thinkexist.com/quotation/the_whole_fauna_of_human_fantasies-their_ marine/323656.xhtml.

The psychoanalyst Michael Bader: Michael J. Bader. 2002. Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasties . New York: St. Martin’s.

Nancy Friday writes: Nancy Friday. 1992. The Erotic Impulse: Honoring the Sensual Self. David Steinberg, ed. New York: Tarcher, p. 14.

The sex therapist Jack Morin: Jack Morin. 1995. The Erotic Mind . New York: HarperCollins, p. 101.

Heterosexual pornography, predominantly produced by and for men: Anthony Giddens. 1992. The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love and Eroticism in Modern Societies . Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, p. 119.

10: Monogamy

Are there any secrets: Alain de Botton. 1998. How Proust Can Change Your Life . New York: Vintage, p. 171.

The bonds of wedlock: Alexandre Dumas, from http://www.jimpoz.com/quotes/category.asp?categoryid=42.

The Brazilian family therapist Michele Scheinkman: Michele Scheinkman. 2005. “Beyond the Trauma of Betrayal: Reconsidering Affairs in Couples Therapy.” Family Process, 44, pp. 227–44.

Hence the psychologist Erich Fromm makes the point: Erich Fromm. 1956. The Art of Loving. New York: Harper and Row, p. 43.

The feminist psychoanalyst Nancy Chodorow: Nancy Chodorow. 1978. The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender . Berkeley: University of California Press, p. 194.

Adam Phillips writes: Adam Phillips. 1996. Monogamy . New York: Vintage.

Laura Kipnis says: Laura Kipnis. 2000. Against Love: A Polemic . New York: Pantheon, p. 78.

Excessive monitoring can set the stage: Stephen A. Mitchell. 2002. Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time . New York: Norton, p. 51.

The psychologist Janet Reibstein: Janet Reibstein and Martin Richards. 1993. Sexual Arrangements: Marriage and the Temptation of Infidelity . New York: Scribner, p. 73.

Adam Philips makes the point: Adam Phillips. 1996. Monogamy . New York: Vintage, preface.

The anthropologist Katherine Frank wryly notes: “Play Couples in Paradise: Touristic Sexuality and Lifestyle Travel.” Unpublished.

11: Putting the X Back in Sex

Love never dies a natural death: Anaïs Nin from http://en.thinkexist. com/quotes/anais_nin/

It takes courage: Ibid.

The evolutionary anthropologist Helen Fisher: Helen Fisher. “The Drive to Love.” Keynote address at the “Challenging Couples, Challenging Therapists” conference, sponsored by the Milton H. Erikson Foundation, Los Angeles, CA, May 28, 2004.

The sex therapist Dagmar O’Connor says: Dagmar O’Connor. 1986. How to Make Love to the Same Person for the Rest of Your Life and Still Love It. London: Virgin, p. 37.

Stephan Mitchell writes: Stephen A. Mitchell. 2002. Can Love Last? The Fate of Romance over Time . New York: Norton, p. 114.

Adam Phillips underscores this point: Adam Phillips. 1996. Monogamy . New York: Vintage, p. 11.

Oscar Wilde wrote: Oscar Wilde. 1892. Lady Windermere’s Fan, Act III.

Gail Godwin wrote: Gail Godwin from http://en.thinkexist.com/ quotation/the_act_of_longing_for_something_will_always_be/184996.xhtml.

The sex therapist Margaret Nichols: Margaret Nichols. 1987. “What Feminists Can Learn from the Lesbian Sex Radicals.” Conditions: Fourteen, ed. Conditions Collective. New York, pp. 152–63.

Octavio Paz likens eroticism: Octavio Paz. 1995. The Double Flame: Love and Eroticism . San Diego, Calif.: Harvest, p. 2.

The great theoretician of play, Johan Huizinga: Homo Ludens . 1971. Boston, Mass.: Beacon Press.

Bibliography Books

Alberoni, Francesco. 1987. L’érotisme . Paris: Éditions Ramsay.

Alberoni, Francesco. 1983. Falling in Love . New York: Random House.

Angier, Natalie. 1999. Woman: An Intimate Geography . Boston, Mass.: Houghton Mifflin.

Bader, Michael J. 2002. Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies . New York: St. Martin’s.

Badinter, Elisabeth. 1992. XY: De l’identité masculine . Paris: Éditions Odile Jacob.

Baker, Mark. 1994. Sex Lives: A Sexual Self-Portrait of America . New York: Simon and Schuster.

Barthes, Roland. 1977. Fragments d’un discours amoureux . Paris: Éditions du Seuil.

Bataille, Georges. 1962. Eroticism: Death and Sensuality . New York: Walker. (Originally published 1957. Paris: Éditions de Minuit.)

Baudrillard, Jean. 1990. Seduction . New York: St. Martin’s. (Originally published 1979. Paris: Éditions Galilée.)

Beck, Charlotte Joko. 1989. Everyday Zen: Love and Work . New York: HarperCollins.

Benjamin, Jessica. 1988. The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination . New York: Pantheon.

Blumstein, Philip, and Pepper Schwartz, eds. 1983. American Couples: Money, Work, Sex. New York: Morrow.

Botton, Alain de. 1998. How Proust Can Change Your Life . New York: Vintage.

Boyarin, Daniel. 1993. Carnal Israel: Reading Sex in Talmudic Culture . Berkeley: University of California Press.

Brooks, Gary. 1995. The Centerfold Syndrome: How Men Can Overcome Objectification and Achieve Intimacy with Women. San Francisco, Calif.: Jossey-Bass.

Bruckner, Pascal, and Alain Finkielkraut. 1977. Le Nouveau Désordre amoureux . Paris: Éditions du Seuil.

Caplan, Pat, ed. 1987. The Cultural Construction of Sexuality . London: Tavistock.

Chedzogy, Kate, Melanie Hansen, and Suzanne Trill, eds. 1997. Voicing Women: Gender and Sexuality in Early Modern Writing . Pittsburgh, Pa.: Duquesne University Press.

Chodorow, Nancy. 1978. The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Gender. Berkeley: University of California Press.

Davis, Michele Weiner. 2003. The Sex-Starved Marriage: A Couple’s Guide to Boosting Their Marriage Libido . New York: Simon and Schuster.

de Beauvoir, Simone. 1952. The Second Sex . New York: Knopf.

De Marneffe, Daphne. 2004. Maternal Desire: On Children, Love, and the Inner Life . Boston, Mass.: Little, Brown.

Epstein, Mark. 2005. Open to Desire: Embracing a Lust for Life . New York: Gotham.

Fillion, Kate. 1996. Lip Service: The Truth about Women’s Darker Side in Love, Sex, and Friendship. New York: HarperCollins.

Fisher, Helen. 2004. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love . New York: Holt.

Frank, Katherine. 2002. G-Strings and Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Desire . Durham, N.C.: Duke University Press.

Friday, Nancy. 1992. The Erotic Impulse: Honoring the Sensual Self. David Steinberg, ed. New York: Tacher.

Friday, Nancy. 1991. Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Fromm, Erich. 1956. The Art of Loving. New York: Harper and Row.

Giddens, Anthony. 1992. The Transformation of Intimacy: Sexuality, Love, and Eroticism in Modern Societies. Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press.

Gopnick, Adam. 2001. Paris to the Moon . New York: Random House.

Gilbert, Harriett. 1993. Fetishes, Florentine Girdles, and Other Explorations into the Sexual Imagination . New York: HarperPerennial.

Gottman, John. 1994. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail…and How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon and Schuster.