СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - Umseshi Obucayi. Umseshi omnandi

Ubethanda kakhulu umphenyi we-English Poirot yingakho ebhema ipayipi elifana neHolmes, uvele abadideke. Ugqoke isigqoko kanye namadevu, njengo-Elkyl, waseGeorgia kuphela. Ngisho umhlanga uthenge okufanayo ne-Taxicoat kubasebenzi eMariinsky Opera naseBallet Theatre ngebhokisi lokukhanya kwelanga. Izicucu lezi zenziwe uku-oda komakhelwane owayesebenza njengosebenza eseshawini kule ndawo. Waze wabakhipha ngezikhonkwane futhi lapho ehamba, ikakhulukazi i-asphalt, wayechofoza njengehhashi noma intombazane yaseBroadway. Ikhala lakhe lalinjengelokhozi, futhi amehlo akhe amakhulu ayenjengolamula.

«Ngakho-ke,» kusho u-Ottila, wahlala esihlalweni esikhethekile. U-Izya ushaye iscabha wangena ehhovisi. Egqomeni wayephethe amaqanda agcotshwe ngenhlanzi kanye nojusi wakhe wegalikhi osanda kufakwa. – woza ngokushesha, ngaphandle kwalokho i-python isivele ibumbekile.

– Fuuuu! – Incephalopath emuncu, – uyiphuza kanjani? Ungakhululeka…

– Yini ongayiqonda ngegugu elimnandi? Ungaphuzi. Mina uqobo ngiyayithanda. -ulk.. – uthathe isiphu sika-Ottila no.., – Uhhh, – wasihlikihla eceleni. Wagxuma wagijimela ekhoneni elikude lehhovisi. Isigaxa sezimbali ebunjwe inkungu yashiya umphimbo wangaphambi kwalokho futhi, njengomoya wezinyembezi, kwagcwala igumbi lonke. U-Arutuna wabanjwa i-asthmatic spasm kwathi lapho ehlangana, wayengekho kwikhono.

– Ungaba namahloni noma okuthile?! Ngilungele obaba bakho.

– Noma mhlawumbe umama? – U-Ottila ubezwa amaqanda aqhekekile futhi, enomlomo, ekhipha imvuthuluka, ekhonkotha impela: – wonke umuntu unokunambitheka kwawo, kusho umHindu, ehla enkosini futhi esula iqhude lakhe ngeqabunga likabhanana. Ngabe ufuna iso?

– Hhawu! Uxolo, mfowethu, ngikhohliwe okuthile … – U-Arutun Karapetovich wayenamahloni futhi wahlala phansi esihlalweni.

Ngokuphazima kweso kungene umnyango wokungena komgwaqo futhi isalukazi esineminyaka engaba yikhulu singene ehhovisi.

– Ubani ongavalanga umnyango??? Ngimatasatasa, ugogo!!! – I-Bug Klop futhi iqhutshwe…

Unkosikazi wezwa ukukhwehlela wagijimela kuye ephethe iphepha nepeni, ukuze abhale umyolelo. Kepha ukubona ukungabi nalutho kwakhe, washintsha washaya umyeni wakhe amabhlombe amahlombe. U-Ottila wakhahlela futhi wasakaza isikhuphasha.

– Uh, Harutun, i-cartilage yakudala, kungani ungakhiyanga umnyango ngemuva kwakho lapho ufika? Futhi wena, ugogo, phuma, sinomhlangano.

– Njani? kubuza ugogo ongezwa.

– Grunt! woza emva kokudla kwakusihlwa!! – kusho uKlop ngokuzwakalayo.

– Yidla, udle, isithandwa sakho nge-marigold… ngizokulinda. – ugogo wamamatheka futhi wehla, njengoba zazingasekho izihlalo, futhi kwakungeyona inkambiso ukunikeza lapha, futhi akekho noyedwa oqhamuka ezilalelini owafika wakhumbula.

– Hlobo luni lwasemini? Huh? Ngidla ibhulakufesi… Futhi-ke ku-ajenda: sebenzisana nabangaphansi. – U-Ottila welula isandla sakhe, futhi, ephethe isipuni ngocezu lweqanda, wadonsa isilonda ngqo esweni likaHarutun, – nawe? – wagxumela esihlalweni, – ongabongi ngokuzithoba, – wase wagxumela etafuleni, – ungadla kuphela ukukhanya kwenyanga, bese nishayana ubuso nobuso. Angizukuhamba njenge-coyote.. – futhi njenge-acrobat, ngisebenzisa i-somersault, ngagxuma ngisuka etafuleni ngiya phansi, – futhi ngakubekezelela.. Bhala isitatimende nephuzu!

– Isiphi isitatimende? Ukhalelani? «U-Isolde Fifovna wamphazamisa ngokukhala kweKing Kong.»

– Ah? – umjondolo uqale ngokuqala.

– Yini oyikhalelayo? – ubuze ngokuthula nangokuthula, – awuboni yini, ulale isikhathi eside.

– Ngakho-ke, lapha, manje, ukuhlala ubusuku bonke? I—Incifalatus, khipha lo mpesheni. – U-Ottila wabuyela esikhwameni wagibela esihlalweni ukuze abe nokudla kwakusihlwa.

– Ngingu-Incephalopath, umvikeli, hhayi u-Incifalate. -alungisa uMdibi waya kowesifazane osekhulile olele. Wamkhwelisa kancane ngomhlanga, njengoPootot noma uWatson. – Sawubona, eti?! – waphendukela kuBoss, owayekade ehlezi etafuleni nakulomphathi.

– UBoss, yena, ngokubona kwami, unenkani.

– Yini? Ukulinganisa

– Kahle,. Akaphefumuli. Ishonile. – futhi ngokwesaba ezwini lakhe kusho uHarutun. Izindebe zakhe zathuthumela. Wayecabanga ukuthi naye uzolindelwa isiphetho esifanayo. UHarutun wakhala.

U-Ottila uqhaqhazela ngomlomo wokudla. Wabheka umkakhe wambuza:

– Zhinka, hamba uyibheke.

UFifovna waqhamuka wasusa isalukazi ngekhola. Izinyawo zaphuma phansi, futhi amadolo awazange aqonde. Wahamba wayobeka isidumbu njengevasi phambi kwe-mug, ngesiphukuphuku ebheka umlomo wakhe ugcwele amaqanda ahlafunwe, umyeni wakhe.

– Zibonele wena, mfethu, ufile noma cha?! – futhi wayesezohamba. – Uyena, uZhinka. Uzophendula uZhinka. wathula…

– Msuse etafuleni, wena siphukuphuku!!! Ngabe u… ngempela, noma yini? Nginguboss lapha, kanye nomqashi, futhi wena?…

– Yebo, yaqala futhi. – Mumbled ugqoko Intsephalopath.

– Futhi usebenzisa isikhwama se-Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop mahhala! – imvuthuluka ephuma emlonyeni yaquleka, – Futhi ngokuvamile… pah, shit, – wakhipha konke okuqukethwe emlonyeni wakhe wamemeza, ngaphambi kokukhuphukela etafuleni. «Uyintombazane lapha.» Ngiyitholile?

– Yebo, nkosi yami. – UDonald Isoldushka waguqa. Ikhanda lakhe laligcwele ikhanda lomyeni wakhe emi etafuleni. Futhi ubukhulu bamakhanda abo babemane bumangaze

– Kulungile, heh heh heh, ungixolele, khipha lo ugogo ngaphandle komnyango oya ephaseji. Cha, okungcono kude nendlwana. Kusekuseni futhi umuntu uzomthola.

Unkosikazi wasithatha isidumbu wasisa lapho umnikazi wasiyala. Yize kunjalo, futhi wasebenza ekwesekeni, njengochwepheshe kwezobuchwepheshe, umgcini wezincwadi nonobhala osizayo ngesikhundla sikamatikuletsheni omkhulu. Ngemuva komzuzu wabuya futhi wahamba, wamanga etafuleni.

– ngamphonsa phezu kocingo.

– Uyisiwula noma okuthile? Lokhu kungumakadebona wesitshalo. Kuliqiniso, ukuhlala. Ngamafuphi – i-bum.

– Uyadla. – unkosikazi wanyusa ipuleti.

– Angifuni. Kufanele ngabe ulibeka epuletini lami. Ukudla okunjani? Khipha, vumela izingane zidle. Ungazitsheli ukuthi ngidleni. Futhi-ke badelela.

– Kulungile, uma unesifebe esivela emlonyeni wakho. Udinga ukuxubha amazinyo akho lapho uwagcina ukuwahlanza, eminyakeni eyikhulu edlule? – unkosikazi waqoqa izitsha etafuleni waya engxenyeni yokuhlala yomuzi.

– Thula, mfazi! Ngabe uqonda ini ngokuhogela? Kulungile, – ngaphonsa umkhono wami ngezinsimbi namaconsi etafuleni. – Engifuna ukukusho. Huh?.. Ngakho-ke, lungela ukuya kuPeter.

– Kungani?

– O, uzakwethu, sinebhizinisi elibucayi. Okokuqala nokugcina!

– Ngabe sidluliselwa eSt. – UHarutun wakhipha izinwele zakhe emakhaleni akhe, wajabula futhi washaya indela.

– Cha, yiphole. Sizophenya udaba olungathi sína, hhayi ukuqhamuka lapho sesha, sesha izinkukhu nezinkabi ezilahlekile. Futhi-ke, uma simthola, sizodluliselwa ngaphezulu…

– Kukuphi ezulwini?

– Fool, akunamizi esibhakabhakeni, To America.

– Futhi yini esizoyibheka? Yini edinga ukutholakala ukusithumela eMelika?

– Sizofuna ikhala…

– Ekhaleni likabani? – UHarutun akazange aqonde.

U-Ottila wakhwela phezu kwetafula waqonda ngaphesheya, eduze kweCorporate. Wahlala phansi walengisa imilenze yakhe, waxoxa nabo.

– Yebo, ngamafuphi.. – waqala ngezwi elihhafu.

– Futhi yini, ngokuhlebeza ke?

– Nerd, mncintiswano. Leli cala lingasuswa amaHlathi.

– Ahhh! Ngayibona ibhokisana.

– Ngakho-ke, umkhono. Heh, kupholile! Ngiyi «cartridge», futhi «ungumkhono». Futhi i-cartridge ithintelwe esikhwameni. Hahaha Kuyahlekisa

– Cha. Bafaka inhlamvu ku-cartridge.

– Yini, smart? Futhi uyazi ukuthi ezweni lethu wonke umuntu uhlakaniphile – ampofu futhi umpofu. Ngabe ufuna ukwenza umehluko? Bese ulalele, ngeke ngikuchaze kabili. Indawo engcwele ayihlali ingenalutho. Futhi indawo yakho, hhayi iNgcwele nje.. Ngabe uyazi ukuthi bangaki abantu abangasebenzi esigodini sethu abafuna ukukusalela ukuthatha indawo yakho yamahhala?