Рита Браун - Sneaky Pie's Cookbook For Mystery Lovers

SOME PEOPLE FEED their horses beet pulp daily and no sweet feed. We use it as a treat since most horses enjoy the molasses taste.

Mom’s grandfather used to make a bran mash: ¾ bucket high-quality bran, ½ cup dry molasses, warm water, and 1 ounce brandy.

If a horse is stall bound, the last thing you want to do is fill them up on bran. He used the mash as a reward, feeding it once a week out in the pasture.

Horses’ digestive systems are very different from cats’. The best thing in the world to feed a horse and keep it from colic is good-quality hay and lots of water. If you live in an area where the grass has plenty of nutrients, like Kentucky, with all that limestone in the soil, that’s the best of the best. Of course, turn a horse out on new spring grass and they’ll eat themselves sick. Remember what I said about horses being stupid …

Horses are grazers. Their ideal situation is to eat and walk, eat and walk. My ideal situation is to eat in one spot.

Pewter likes to sit on the fence post and call the horses to her. One day she was sunning herself on the fence, eyes closed, dozing, when one of the babies, Sidekick, snuck up. He tiptoed almost like a cat, got right behind her, then blew air out of his nostrils. Pewter shot three feet straight up in the air. Scared the horse as much as he’d scared her.

She raced to the house and he ran down and jumped into the pond.

He’s not a baby now, he’s 16.3 hands, half Thoroughbred and half Dutch Warmblood. His sense of humor has grown with his size. He likes to steal hats off humans’ heads. He pulls bridles off bridle hooks, carries them to the other end of the stable, drops them, and returns for another one. He knows how to open doors, too. Last summer he jumped out of his three-board fence pasture—he can “jump the moon” effortlessly—walked up to the back of the house, stepped over the stone wall, continued across the patio, and opened the back door. The wood floor baffled him, though. He’d start to come into the kitchen, then back off.

Tucker ran for Mother, who almost fainted when she saw Sidekick. She had visions of those steel shoes on her maple floors. She didn’t yell at him but he knew he’d been a bad boy so he turned around, stepped back over the stone wall, trotted across the lawn, and flew over the stone jump at the end of the lawn. He hung out at the old Indian spring all day, hoping we’d forget his misdeed.

I love horses because they have such a wonderful sense of humor.

Cat/Human

SNEAKY’S FAVORITE OYSTER’S

1 quart fresh oysters

½ cup coarse cornmeal

4 bay leaves

Pinch of salt and pepper

1 egg, beaten

3 tablespoons Crisco (you may need more, so keep some handy)

Thoroughly wash the oysters.

Crumble the 4 bay leaves into the cornmeal, and toss in the salt and pepper.

Mix in the egg.

Spread the moistened meal on a piece of wax paper or foil.

Dredge the oysters with the batter until completely covered.

Put the Crisco in a number 5 frying pan (or whatever you like) and melt over high heat. When the Crisco is hot, turn the heat down to medium-high and add the oysters, turning them once. Depending on how hot the fat is (every stove is a little different), they should be done in 10 minutes.

HUMANS MIGHT LIKE more spices, but then I won’t eat the oysters. This way we can both eat them.

I like shellfish and am happy with any popped right out of the shell. Oddly enough, Pewter won’t eat them. She eats everything else, including broccoli.

I also happen to know that she knocked over the aquarium and ate the fish. She denies it, but who else would have done it? Mother was so distressed she has never bought another aquarium.

I weakened when I saw those fish flopping around on the floor. Seemed silly to let them go to waste but I didn’t break the aquarium. I swear it. It really was Pewter.

Cat

PEWTER’S FAVORITE CRAB

1 average—size box of white rice

1 pint fresh crabmeat or crab substitute

Cook the rice according to package directions. As it cools, cut the crabmeat into small bites.

Mix together.

IF WE GIVE Pewter the whole amount, she’ll eat it. Instead, we give her a big helping and put the rest in the refrigerator.

Pewter also came from the SPCA. She was a tiny, round gray ball with cigarette burns on her body. Mother brought her home, to my disgust, but when Pewter told me her tale of abuse I decided another cat wouldn’t be that bad.

She loves Mother, sits in her lap, follows her around, and is the jolliest cat I have ever known.

Some stories do have happy endings.

Horse

HORSE COOKIES

1 cup sweet feed

2 to 3 cups wheat bran

Dash of salt

1 cup dark molasses

4 carrots, grated

½ cup brown sugar

1 cup applesauce

Big dash of cinnamon

In a big bowl, mix the sweet feed with 2 cups of bran and a dash of salt.

In a separate bowl, mix the molasses, carrots, brown sugar, applesauce, and cinnamon.

Slowly pour the wet mixture into the dry mixture, stirring to form a thick dough. The batter is supposed to be a bit loose, but if it’s really wet, add up to another cup of bran.

Lightly grease a cookie sheet.

Shape batter into portions the size of a half dollar, squeezing out excess liquid if needed.

Bake at 300°G F. for 1 hour.

Flip the cookies over and bake 45 minutes more, until dry and golden brown.

Check on them frequently to avoid overbaking. Horses don’t appreciate burnt cookies!

THERE ARE MANY variations of this horse cookie recipe and all are good.

Most horse recipes involve molasses. Recently people have begun collecting these, handed down verbally from generation to generation. Most are similar, since a horse’s stomach doesn’t need variety. Consistency is far more important.

Humans, on the other hand, like variety.

If you change your horse’s diet, you should do it very slowly. For instance, if you’ve been feeding only beet pulp and want to switch over to sweet feed, mix a small portion of sweet feed in the pulp.

It’s wise to do this changeover, adding a bit more sweet feed, over a two- to three-week period.

An abrupt change in diet can make horses sick, which, for them, can be fatal. I can throw up a bad mouse. A horse can’t throw up, hence colic and other intestinal problems, which are quite terrible for them.