Рита Браун: Pay Dirt

PAY DIRT

Rita Mae Brown

BANTAM BOOKS NEWYORK • TORONTO • LONDON • SYDNEY • AUCKLAND

A Bantam Book

PUBLISHING HISTORY

Bantam hardcover edition published December 1995

Bantam mass market edition / November 1996

Bantam mass market reissue / April 2004

Published by Bantam Dell

A Division of Random House, Inc. New York, New York

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved

Copyright © 1995 by American Artists, Inc.

Cover design by Jamie S. Warren You'll

Cover art by Jack Unruh

Illustrations copyright © 1995 by Wendy Wray

Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 95-20021

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address: Bantam Books, New York, New York.

If you purchased this book without a cover, you should be aware that this book is stolen property. It was reported as "unsold and destroyed" to the publisher, and neither the author nor the publisher has received any payment for this "stripped book."

Bantam Books and the rooster colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

ISBN 0-553-57236-9

Manufactured in the United States of America Published simultaneously in Canada

Dedicated to Joan Hamilton Larry Hodge and all my horse pals at Kalarama Farm

Cast of Characters

Mary Minor Haristeen (Harry) , the young postmistress of Crozet, whose curiosity almost kills the cat and herself

Mrs. Murphy , Harry's gray tiger cat, who bears an uncanny resemblance to authoress Sneaky Pie and who is wonderfully intelligent!

Tee Tucker , Harry's Welsh corgi, Mrs. Murphy's friend and confidante; a buoyant soul

Pharamond Haristeen (Fair) , veterinarian, formerly married to Harry

Mrs. George Hogendobber (Miranda) , a widow who thumps her own Bible!

Market Shiflett , owner of Shiflett's Market, next to the post office

Pewter , Market's fat gray cat, who, when need be, can be pulled away from the food bowl

Susan Tucker , Harry's best friend, who doesn't take life too seriously until her neighbors get murdered

Big Marilyn Sanburne (Mim) , queen of Crozet

Rick Shaw , Albemarle sheriff

Cynthia Cooper , police officer

Paddy , Mrs. Murphy's ex-husband, a saucy torn

Simon , an opossum with a low opinion of humanity

Herbert C. Jones , Pastor of Crozet Lutheran Church, a kindly, ecumenical soul who has been known to share his sermons with his two cats, Lucy Fur and Elocution

Hogan Freely , President of Crozet National Bank, a good banker but not good enough

Laura Freely , a leading guide at Ash Lawn, she is Hogan's wife

Norman Cramer , a respected executive at Crozet National Bank, whose marriage to Aysha Gill set Crozet's gossip mill churning

Aysha Gill Cramer , a newlywed, who watches over her husband like a hawk

Kerry McCray , Norman Cramer's still-flickering old flame, who is beginning to smolder

Ottoline Gill , Aysha's mother, who keeps an eye out for social improprieties—and an eye on her new son-in-law

Introduction

While researching Virginia's historical shrines for my mysteries, I've learned even more about human history but nil about ours.

One of you nonfiction pussycats reading this ought to write the animal history of America. All life-forms are important, but it's hard to get enthusiastic about fish, isn't it—-unless you're eating one.

Do pay attention to the fact that humans had to create government because they can't get along with one another. Cats don't need Congress. There's enough danger in life without listening to a gathering of paid windbags. From time to time you might remind your human that he or she is not the crown of creation's/he thinks's/he is.

Ta-ta

SNEAKY PIE

1

Cozy was the word used most often to describe the small town of Crozet, not quaint, historic , or pretty . Central Virginia in general, and Albemarle County in particular, abounded in quaint, historic, and pretty places, but Crozet was not one of them. A homey energy blanketed the community. Many families had lived there for generations, others were newcomers attracted to the sensuous appeal of the Blue Ridge Mountains. Old or new, rich or poor, black or white, the citizens of the town nodded and waved to one another while driving their cars, called and waved if on opposite sides of the street, and anyone walking along the side of the road was sure to get the offer of a ride. Backyard hedges provided the ideal setting for enriching gossip as gardeners took respite from their labors. Who did what to whom, who said what to whom, who owed money to whom, and, that glory of chat, who slept with whom. The buzz never stopped. Even in the deepest snows, a Crozetian would pick up the phone to transmit the latest. If it was really juicy, he or she would bundle up and hurry through the snow for a hot cup of coffee, that companion to steamy gossip shared with a friend.

The hub of the town consisted of its post office, the three main churches—Lutheran, Baptist, Episcopal, and one small offshoot, the Church of the Holy Light—the schools—kindergarten through twelfth—Market Shiflett's small grocery store, and Crozet Pizza. Since a person worshiped at one church at a time, the goings-on in the other three might remain a mystery. The small market provided a handsome opportunity to catch up, but you really had to buy something. Also, one had to be careful that Markets fat gray cat, Pewter, didn't steal your food before you had the chance to eat it. Schools were a good source, too, but if you were childless or if your darlings were finally in college, you were out of that pipeline. This left the post office the dubious honor of being the premier meeting place, or Gossip Central.

The postmistress—a title which she preferred to the official one of postmaster—Mary Minor Haristeen rarely indulged in what she termed gossip, which is to say if she couldn't substantiate a story, she didn't repeat it. Otherwise, she was only too happy to pass on the news. Her unofficial assistant, Mrs. Miranda Hogendobber, the widow of the former postmaster, relished the "news," but she drew the line at character assassination. If people started dumping all over someone else, Mrs. Hogendobber usually calmed them down or plain shut them up.

Harry, as Mary Minor was affectionately known, performed her tasks wonderfully well. Quite young for her position, Harry benefited from Miranda's wisdom. But Harry's most valuable assistants were Mrs. Murphy, her tiger cat, and Tee Tucker, her Welsh corgi. They wallowed in gossip. Not only did the goings-on of the humans transfix them, but so did the shenanigans of the animal community, reported by any dog accompanying its master into the post office. Whatever die dogs missed, Pewter found out next door. When she had something to tell, the round gray cat would run to die back door of die post office to spill it. Over die last few years, the cats had banged on the door so much, creating such a racket, that Harry installed a pet door so the friends could come and go as they pleased. Harry had designed a cover she could lock down over the animals' entrance, since the post office had to be secured each night.